my wardrobe is quite bland.Sunday, August 03, 2008
Need clothes?
my wardrobe is quite bland.Thursday, July 31, 2008
Animal Love
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
A bit of nostalgia

Ever since Jana returned from her Michigan expedition, Fiona has ditched my bed at night for Jana's. I have no idea why. Fiona is definitely a bed-hog (and yes, that is possible at 12lbs, she is amazing at scooting her way over until she is literally in the center of the bed), but I miss her!
This morning I was getting ready for work in our downstairs bathroom and Fi was laying down watching me blow dry my hair. I noticed her turn and look up the stairs, then proceed to climb them and, I'm assuming, hop into bed with Jana for her morning snooze.
For a moment I had a flash back to when Fi and I lived with my parents in Toledo and I had to teach her how to climb stairs. She was so frightened. I had to take a treat and lure her up those stairs, while showing her how to climb with her paws. It was sooooo cute. We'd get to the top and she'd whine for me to carry her back down. She is 3 now! Time goes so fast. :-)
(Yes, I am having nostalgic feelings about my dog that some would have for their children. Deal with it.)
Also, she likes corn. I've been trying to post a picture, but I think my work network won't allow it. I'll try to post it later.
In other news, I watched my first tv poker tournament last night and though I never thought I'd be saying this, it was really fun to watch! Who wants to front me $1500 so I can get in the game? kidding....;-)
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Jumbled thoughts on mortality...
But, of course, I have hope. Jesus promises eternal life. I know as a Christian, heaven should provide an immense amount of comfort. But, sometimes it doesn't. (gasp!). Belief and trust have never just come naturally for me. Maybe they did when I was a small child, but I prefer to know things or to have them proven to me with logical arguments and LOTS of evidence in support of those arguments.
It's hard for me to grasp what heaven is--clounds and angels and sunshine all day long? Doubtful. I generally conceptualize heaven as the place or time where I finally am in direct communion with God-no more worrying, no more anguish in this broken world, no more fear. I like that--but again--what does that really look like or feel like. I have no clue!
The other side of this, for me, is that I like this life. I prefer not to think of this world as a waiting room for heaven- a place that I have to survive and get through until God decides it's time for me to go to heaven. The Kingdom of God is now, right? We don't have to wait to die to experience it.
I wonder, too, how heaven can be this place where there is no brokenness or despair when close family or friends aren't there with us. Today my mom is having surgery to remove what the doctors hope is the rest of the skin cancer on her nose. Now, I realize this is likely not a kind of cancer that will kill my mother. But, this surgery kind of further confirmed for me her mortality. I HATE thinking about my parents dying. But, I hate it even moreso because I don't know what will happen to them once they die. My parents were baptized when they were babies, but I am pretty sure they would not consider themselves Christians--though, maybe Christmas and Easter Christians.
And while I will never know what is in their heart of hearts or what they communicate (or don't communicate) with God, I can't help but wonder at what or how heaven can really be heaven without those we love.
I'm not writing this to scare myself into trying to persuade my parents to know Jesus personally. God does not need me to do any of that. But, I am convinced I need to do more with my life, with my calling from God to share the hope that I have with others. I no longer have to fear death and see it as the end. That is the scariest tragedy of all--someone dying without ever knowing real Hope.
Monday, July 28, 2008
Is Madonna now easy listening?

Friday, July 25, 2008
The price for perfection (physically speaking)
It's sad. Sad that a man would pay over $7,000 to have this procedure done. Sad that in our world youth and beauty are revered above most things, including wisdom and experience. Sad that I buy into this too, that I long for a "perfect" body, instead of celebrating a healthy body.
*Note-if you are a man considering this procedure, please know that you have to have a certain amount of fat, which the doctor on the radio called the "one inch test". If you can pull more than one inch of fat from your stomach, you need to lose weight first (hmm, maybe the ab muscles would develop naturally then?). However, if you have less than 1/2 inch of fat, you will need to gain weight. Ha!
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
mmm tomatoes

*And this is my kind of recipe-no measuring, no confusing instructions. You cannot mess it up, and it tastes delicious! (unless of course, you don't like tomatoes)
INGREDIENTS
Tomatoes--I prefer cherry/grape tomatoes and some of the little yellow pear-shaped tomatoes, but any ripe tomato will do
Fresh basil
Fresh homemade mozzarella cheese (NOT Kraft shredded, usually shaped in a ball)*
Extra virgin olive oil
Balsamic vinegar
Salt and pepper
Slice tomatoes lengthwise and slice mozzarella into bite sized chunks. Chop basil into strips (or simply tear it into strips). Toss together in a bowl and sprinkle some olive oil over the salad. Add a small dash of the vinegar (a little goes a long way) and sprinkle a bit of salt and pepper over salad.
*You can replace the mozzarella with fresh grated Parmesan--it's a different taste, but still quite tasty
That's it! Pair it with some bread and you've got yourself a healthy summer meal.
Mmmm...
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Yikes

Monday, July 21, 2008
on my mind
“The voice of despair says, ‘ I sin over and over again. After endless promises to myself and others to do better next time, I find myself back again in the old dark places. Forget about trying to change. I have tried for years. It didn’t work and it will never work. It is better that I get out of people’s way, be forgotten, no longer around, dead.’
This strangely attractive voice takes all uncertainties away and puts an end to the struggle. It speaks unambiguously for the darkness and offers a clear-cut negative identity.
But Jesus came to open my ears to another voices that says, ‘I am your God, I have molded you with My own hands, and I love what I have made. I love you with a love that has no limits, because I love you as I am loved. Do not run away from Me. Come back to Me--not once, not twice, but always again. You are my child. How can you ever doubt that I will embrace you again, hold you against My breast, kiss you and let My hands run through your hair? I am your God--the God of mercy and compassion, the God of pardon and love, the God of tenderness and care. Please do not say that I have given up on you, that I cannot stand you any more, that there is no way back. It is not true. I so much want you to be with Me. I so much want you to be close to me. I know all your thoughts. I hear all your words. I see all your actions. And I love you because you are beautiful, made in My own image, an expression of My most intimate love. Do not judge yourself. Do not condemn yourself. Do not reject yourself.
Let My love touch the deepest, most hidden corners of your heart and reveal to you your own beauty, a beauty that you have lost sight of, but which will become visible to you again in the light of My mercy. Come, come, let Me wipe your tears, and let My mouth come close to your ear and say to you, ‘I love you, I love you, I love you.’ "
-Henri Nouwen
For someone like myself who tends to adopt a more "negative" outlook on things (and who is often frustrated with herself), this passage just speaks so much to me... thank you Henri Nouwen for so wonderfully describing the tender, comforting love of God.Friday, July 18, 2008
It's a weekend for the movies.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
incredible
A few things struck me about this story:
1. Everyone makes fun of me for how protective I am of Fi getting loose-yet this dog got out of a FENCED IN YARD.
2. Dogs are amazingly loyal creatures. If you can listen or read that story and not get a little teary-eyed, you may just have a heart of stone.
3. Anyone with a dog should have it micro-chipped. At most it costs $35 dollars, and it ensures that if your pup's collar comes off, your dog can still be identified by any vet or shelter.
4. That story held my attention longer than the segment Matt Lauer did with Senators Joe Biden and Lindsey Graham regarding alleged "flip-flopping" of the presidential candidates. YAAAAAWWWWN. Is this a bad sign? I'm already tired of all the campaign talk. It just seems so unnecessarily dramatic and fake to me. Everyone always talks about how much they hate politicians, but I think the media and its treatment of politics, particularly the presidential campaign, is far worse.
5. I miss Fi. She is on vacation with her Aunt Katy until Saturday. *sigh*
Monday, July 14, 2008
The Beauty of Doing Nothing
Americans have an inability to relax into sheer pleasure. Ours is an entertainment seeking nation, but not necessarily a pleasure seeking one. Americans spend billions to keep themselves amused with everything from porn to theme parks to wars, but that's not exactly the same thing as quiet enjoyment...Of course, we all inevitably work too hard, then we get burned out and have to spend the whole weekend in our pajamas, eating cereal straight out of the box and staring at the TV in a mild coma (which is the opposite of working, yes, but not exactly the same thing as pleasure). Americans don't really know how to do nothing.
She writes this passage while retelling her time spent in Italy--a country whose people cleary grasp the concept of taking pleasure in doing nothing. I really think in America (particularly corporate America), we're often made to feel guilty when we are "doing nothing." We are expected to be available 24/7--via e-mail or text or fax. We can't go on vacation without our blackberries and laptops, constantly yanked back to the stress of work the way I yank my dog around on a walk.
When I came back from my European vacation in the summer of 2003, I was convinced I was going to finish law school, learn Italian, and move to Italy and just be. But, alas, I got caught up in to-do lists, and career goals, blah blah. I think what most attracted me to Italy was just the more relaxed culture. I'm certainly not promoting a hedonistic existence, and I don't think the Bible guides to seek pleasure at all costs; but, I also don't believe America's culture of greed and career success is the end goal.
So, yeah, this memoir is making me think about how I can better appreciate the beauty of doing nothing. (In Italian it's il bel far niente, a pleasure even to say it!).
At the very least, maybe I should learn Italian. It's been 5 years since I came back from Europe and I still haven't done that...
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Get Your TiVO Ready!

Tuesday, July 08, 2008
Modern Love
Most people I know my age have assumed a cynical, casual approach to love. Watch most movies made today or read new books and you rarely see a romantic, beautiful portrayal of a maturing, long-lasting relationship. Instead, you see selfishness, cheating, dishonesty, and purely ego-centric values glorified. Modern media affirms for us what we've learned from the exploding divorce rate and dysfunctional families. Marriages don't last. Relationships are too hard to be worth it. That soulmate stuff is just B.S.
People no longer go on dates. Instead, we adopt a "no strings attached" philosophy and convince ourselves that this is the way you never get hurt. We don't need to learn things like grace and compromise because modern relationships have no expectations--it's only about getting our instant needs met and moving on. We travel in groups of friends rather than committing to one person, moving from one casual encounter to the next-all the while convincing ourselves that this is freedom.
I've lived that philosophy and admit there are times it seems attractive. BUT, my experience has taught me that having such a selfish, fearful approach to relationships is anything but freeing.
I refuse to latch on to this modern myth that real love is impossible. I realize it's work. I realize I must sacrifice, mature, compromise, learn to be more flexible and grow up. I admit few relationships stand up to the Nicholas Sparks standard. But I believe real love is worth it. Contrary to our world's portrayal, real love is exciting-not boring, it's passionate--not ordinary.
Don't give up.
*In case you don't plan on clicking the link and reading the article, here is my favorite passage from the essay:
We’ve grown up in an age of rampant divorce and the accompanying tumult. The idea that two people can be happy together, maturing alongside each other, seems as false as a fairy tale. So when a relationship ends, it isn’t seen as bad. It’s held as evidence that the relationship was never any good to begin with.
MAYBE it’s just that we have learned nothing can compare to the perfect moment of the unexpected hookup — wet lips on the beach, lying in the sand — and so we aim to accumulate as many as possible. Or maybe we’re simply too immature to commit. That has been the rap against guys forever, but now women think the same way. With the world (and the world of sex) at our fingertips, it’s difficult to choose, to settle, to compromise.
But I do occasionally wonder: If we can’t get past ourselves and learn to sacrifice to be with another, then what is in store? A generation of selfish go-getters fueled by nothing more than our own egos, forever seeking that rare dose of self-esteem? An era of loneliness filled with commercial wants and mate selection based on the shallowest of criteria?
As a staunch proponent of my generation, I believe that, despite what it may seem, we appreciate the ways of love and affection but are simply waiting for them to take over. We might dally in the land of easy sex and stilted text-message flirtation, but deep down we crave the warm embrace of all-consuming love.
-"Let's Not Get to Know Each Other Better", Joel Walkowski, June 8, 2008-New York Times
Monday, July 07, 2008
The next time you begin to make a lawyer joke...
The average amount of law school debt owed at graduation soared 431 percent between 1987 to 2005, from $16,000 to $85,000...For some students, law school pays handsome dividends. With starting salaries at $160,000 and above at large New York City firms, even students who borrow $100,000 or more to attend law school reap substantial economic rewards. But most lawyers do not start at $160,000; the median starting salary at a two-to 10 lawyer firm is a whopping $110,000 less than at a Wall Street powerhouse [$50,000].*
-The New Math of Legal Education, Andrew P. Morriss and William D. Henderson, July 2008
I came across this article in my American Bar Association monthly journal and to be honest, the cost of my legal education weighs on me often. While consumer debt is one evil to be sure, the cost of higher education in America is getting out of control. I may not have amassed the average amount of debt as most law students, but that was only because I made a conscious decision to live with my parents and attend the University of Toledo. I could have attended a "better" school in perhaps a flashier city, but at what cost?
I don't know what the answer to the problem of soaring student loan debt in this country is, but I do know that this is not an issue that gets too much political attention (though, admittedly I may be misinformed!). Some entity is making a killing here-and I'm guessing it's all those loan consolidation companies that attack you once your grace period ends with the federal government.
The anxiety associated with my own student loan debt is exhausting. While I don't want to use it as an excuse, that large monthly payment is a huge factor that I always have to consider when I think about my future. It feels immobilizing.
My point in all this is that students should be better educated about the "cost" of their education. It saddens me to think of college freshman picking a major solely based on what job he/she can get after college to pay off that enormous debt. College should be a place where you learn how to learn; not where you pick up a trade. I'm so thankful I attended a liberal arts school and graduated with a degree in history/English rather than some degree that is essentially a voucher for a job. I'm a better writer for it. I'm a better lawyer for it. Mostly, I'm a better thinker for it (I know, that's debatable!).
America is the richest country in the world, yet we've created a higher education system that enslaves its graduates financially. People should be free to learn--and shouldn't be punished and targeted financially for their decision. And politicians should be ashamed for not investigating this issue more.
Anyway...sorry for the rant. But, just some food for thought the next time you think that lawyer you know is fancy and rich and lives a life of luxury. ;-)
*Starting prosecutors in Lucas County, Ohio (Toledo) make less than a starting teacher in a public school.
Thursday, July 03, 2008
You Know You're From Toledo When...
Have a great long weekend! I can't wait to sleep in :-)
You Know You're from Toledo When...
1.) You're tired of hearing about Katie Holmes.
2.) You refuse to call it Westfield Shopping Center, because we all know it is really Franklin Park Mall.
3.) You've had a Rudy's hot dog, and have concluded with the rest of Toledo that it's really not that great.
4.) You freeze your butt off walking around the Toledo Zoo at 10 degrees because you want to see Christmas lights.
5.) You know how to drive in snow, rain, and hail.
6.) You know where the original Tony Packo's is at and you know what type of food famous people sign on the walls.
7.) If you see a driver who's driving erratically, you automatically check for the Michigan license plate.
8.) You know what Magic Wok is.
9.) Visiting Cedar Point is a tradition dating back to the elementary school years.
10.) You have a favorite room in the Toledo Art Museum.
11.) You know who Jamie Farr is.
12.) Cosi was a yearly class field trip.
13.) You graduated at the Stranahan.
14.) You know what Krogering is.
15.) You felt cool going to Ohio Skate on weekends as a kid.
16.) Your school was cancelled because of the 7 inches of snow you got during the night.
17.) You remember when Toledo didn't have ANY Wal-Marts.
18.) "Everybody's Zooing It" means something to you, and you can sing the song, weird accent and all.
19.) Seeing a giant, neon-colored, plastic frog sitting on the sidewalk is nothing unusual.
20.) You're so used to driving in construction that you feel odd driving where you can't see orange barrels.
21.) You know what Meijer is.
22.) You've been to a Mud Hens game.
23.) Your mayor decides to change the fire hydrant color.
24.) You get stopped by a train almost daily.
25.) You think having four all-girls and boys Catholic high schools in one city is normal.
26.) You know that Smurf ice cream is the only flavor worth eating at Mr. G's Barn.
27.) Your mayor has gotten into almost-fist-fights with people.
28.) You get into a legal jam and call Sam Bolotin.
29.) You'd rather drive an hour to Detroit than fly out of Toledo Express.
30.) You hate The Blade, but read it anyway.
31.) You miss Dave Carlson and now believe the weather is no longer the same.
32.) You know where to get the best Mexican/Chinese/Italian/Pizza, but still proclaim Toledo is running out of good restaurants.
33.) You can finish this Banner Mattress commercial: "No gimmicks, no tricks till 200_"
34.) You got confused when they added onto the mall.
35.) You agree Toledo is "a great place to raise a family" but you want to get the hell out as soon as possible.
36.) You're torn between rooting for BG or UT.
37.) You know of at least 3 clubs downtown, but are too afraid to go to any of them.
38.) You know Major Magic's was way better than Chuck E. Cheese's.
39.) You know what Q-Zar is and have a favorite team color.
40.) You have gotten or almost gotten a ticket in Ottawa Hills.
41.) You have at least one Race for the Cure t-shirt.
42.) You judge people by which Kroger's they go to.
43.) You know where the only White Castle in Toledo is.
44.) You remember the tunnel that used to go to the zoo and have jumped on the metal hatch at least 6 dozen times.
45.) It's not mini golf. It's putt-putt.
46.) You have four network TV news stations, but you only take two of them seriously.
47.) You know your choice in colors on OSU vs. Michigan day cuts out any decent conversation with half of your friends, because unlike most of Ohio towns, Toledo is 50% Michigan fans 50% Ohio State fans.
48.) You go to Michigan regularly and enjoy it even if you hate the team.
49.) You are used to food festivals (German, Polish, Irish and every other festival) and go to them even if you aren't of the nationality.
50.) You can explain snow and every other weather pattern.
51.) You drive around Sylvania because you know the neighborhoods with the best Christmas lights!
52.) You know why Toledo is called the "Glass City".
53.) Mentioning Telegraph Road conjures images of adult bookstores and strip clubs.
54.) You know that one of the most important battles ever to take place on the North American continent was the Battle of Fallen Timbers, yet they want to make the ground into another stupid mall.
55.) You can pronounce Maumee correctly.
56.) You know the best place in the world to buy cakes is Wixey's Bakery.
57.) You know what speed to drive on the Trail at night so that you never have to hit the brakes.
58.) You overheard at least one panicked conversation after the 9/11 attacks about how Davis-Besse was going to get blown up.
59.) You know and can explain what a buckeye is.
60.) Ending up in Michigan after taking a wrong turn does not incite panic because it's like going across the street.
61.) You remember Southwyck BEFORE it fell apart and became empty and crappy. Or you've even HEARD of Southwyck.
62.) You will always call MUO "MCO" and your parents will always call UT "TU."
63.) You wouldn't eat a fish from the Maumee River, and you wouldn't EVER swim in it.
64.) No matter what the story is, whether it's about a man from Japan or a tornado in Oklahoma, the news stations always find someone in Toledo who can relate or has been affected by it.
65.) You what they are referring to when they sing "There goes another one."
66.) You've paid less than $5 to park downtown for an entire day.
67.) You know what school a guy attends when he's referred to as a Frannie or a Johnny.
68.) You are well aware of the fact that there are three Kroger's along Glendale Avenue within 3 miles of each other.
69.) Macy's is still Marshall Field to you, or Marshall Field is still Hudson's. You also remember when Dillards was Lion.
70.) You remember when National Amusements didn't have a price-controlling monopoly on Toledo's major theaters.
71.) You claim that you hate going to the Jamie Farr (now Owens Corning) Classic at Highland Meadows, even though you really love it.
72.) You've met Marcy Kaptur.
73.) You can correctly answer the question on Trivial Pursuit Millenium Edition, about naming the mayor of an Ohio town that wanted to pass legislature to have all the deaf people moved out by the airport. THEN WE RE-ELECTED HIM!
74.) You know not to drive down Lagrange Street by yourself at night.
75.) You know who Walt Churchill is and remember Churchill's Supermarket.
76.) You know that when someone wants to be taken to St. V's, it's not a good thing.
77.) You tried to call a radio station and Johny D hung up on you.
78.) You hear "Springfield" and you know it has nothing to do with the Simpsons.
79.) You know that Spring Meadows has nothing to do with spring or meadows.
80.) Your childhood memories include riding the carousel at Southwyck Mall (before it got scary and empty).
81.) You remember when the Big Boy on Secor Road disappeared.
82.) A two bedroom apartment for $400/month is expensive.
83.) You've been on the Ohio Turnpike and don't mind paying the $0.50 to drive from the airport to Maumee because you know it will save time.
84.) You can remember the mummy being in the Egyptian room at the museum.
85.) You live in a suburb, but say you're from Toledo.
86.) The candidates for most elections are a party-endorsed Democrat and a Democrat running as an independent.
87.) You know that it's actually called Kroger but always say Krogers.
88.) You've been involved in or witnessed a fight break out at the Franklin Park Cinemas.
89.) You can drive 50mph through I-280's 35mph construction zone and know when to slow down cause there's usually a cop around the bend.
90.) You know that the BEST place to buy corn and strawberries is Monnette's Market!
91.) You frequently avoid seeing movies until they go to Super Cinemas and you can see it for $2 instead of $10.
92.) You think nothing of it when it snows one day and the day after, it's 70.
93.) You realize 1/3 of the population of Toledo has a Toledo Zoo sticker on their vehicle.
94.) You agree with John Denver that 'Saturday night in Toledo, Ohio is like being nowhere at all.'
95.) You measure distance in time and not miles.
96.) You know the slogan 'Toledo Loves its Jeep' and it means something to you.
97.) You remember those Affordable Chiropractic commercials where the guy always played the guitar.
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
Grateful
So I hopped out of bed rather grumpy. After a shower which stung my blisters (I had to pop and drain them, of course!), I drove to work in an even grumpier mood. On my walk from the parking garage to my office, I started asking myself-why am I being SO negative? Blisters aren't so bad. A few mosquito bites aren't going to kill me.
I tell you what, there are days I just need a slap in the face to remind me to have a little perspective. Why is it so much easier for me to focus on the negative?
-I wish I made more money. I am blessed to have a job that provides me with plenty of money to clothe and feed myself. f I have more than enough to provide for basic necessities and am able to treat myself to many luxuries many people cannot afford.
-I need to lose 10 lbs. I am grateful for a healthy body. I am able to run nearly every day and have money to purchase healthy food.
-I hate these blisters and mosquito bites. I had a great time relaxing with Steve last night. How lucky am I to have him in my life?
-I hate having to work so many hours. I am thankful for a job that challenges me and is providing me with excellent experience for whatever I choose to do in the future. Many people in this economy are losing jobs, yet, I am blessed to be employed with plenty to do!
-It's so hot outside. I am thankful I can afford air conditioning to escape the heat. I am grateful I live close to swimming pools and know how to swim.
You get the idea. I know I can't just magically flip a switch and become the most optimistic person ever. But, before I open my mouth to complain, I want to try to use a little "perspective filter" and realize things are definitely not bad at all. Life is GOOD. I am BLESSED with friends and family who love me, an amazing little dog, an education--so many things that many people are missing. But, instead of waking up every morning and getting on my knees to thank God for my comfortable bed, air conditioning, LIFE, I gripe about how my feet hurt.
No more of this "woe is me" crap. I am one of the luckiest people I know.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Like a Fish Out of Water
Friday, June 27, 2008
Vacation Re-Cap
4. Wii bowling tournement with my family. I came in second. My mom ended up winning the $4 pot!
Wednesday, June 04, 2008
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
Touch of Gray
Monday, May 26, 2008
i love the food network
Thursday, May 22, 2008
p & p
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
The essentials
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
sadness
Sunday, May 18, 2008
self-sufficiency
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Welcome Home

Sunday, May 04, 2008
Take Me Away

36 more days until I am relaxing on the sandy beaches of the Outer Banks. I am very, very, very ready to get away and escape work, routine, and return refreshed. And I promise not to check my work email while away (more than 5 times--kidding! ;-) ).
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
cursed?
Sunday, April 27, 2008
the big picture
Monday, April 21, 2008
you're (i'm) so vain.
Monday, April 14, 2008
simple pleasures
Sunday, April 13, 2008
worst case scenario

Sunday, March 30, 2008
fantasy v. reality
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Just Look Around
Monday, March 24, 2008
work work work
Friday, March 21, 2008
Sacrifice
Sunday, March 09, 2008
I Win...I Lose.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Happy Valentine's Day!
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Listen and Repeat.
I think that possibly, maybe I'm falling for you.
Yes there's a chance that I've fallen quite hard over you.
I've seen the paths that your eyes wander down,
I want to come too.
I think that possibly, maybe I'm falling for you
No one understands me, quite like you do,
Through all of the shadowy corners of me.
I never knew just what it was about this old coffee shop
I love so much.
All of the while, I never knew.
I never knew just what it was about this old coffee shop
I love so much.
All of the while, I never knew.
I think that possibly, maybe I'm falling for you.
Yes there's a chance that I've fallen quite hard over you.
I've seen the waters that make your eyes shine,
Now I'm shining too.
Because, oh because,
I've fallen quite hard over you.
If I didn't know you, I'd rather not know.
If I couldn't have you, I'd rather be alone.
I never knew just what it was about this old coffee shop
I love so much.
All of the while, I never knew.
I never knew just what it was about this old coffee shop
I love so much.
All of the while, I never knew.
All of the while, all of the while,
And it's you.
-Falling in Love at a Coffee Shop, Landon Pigg
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Home
There is this amazing feeling of coming home after being away for a long time. I left the house at 7:30AM in the freezing cold, dark sky and pulled in the driveway--er parked in the street in front of my house--at 6:40 PM (still dark and cold) and just felt this incredible relief. HOME--yes! Time to relax, read, put on my comfy slippers and drink a glass of wine--not necessarily in that order.
A week or so ago, I was talking with my good friend Jana, and she was chatting about how she finally realized she would always struggle with insecurity, etc. We were basically thinking that no matter what, as human beings we will perpetually be "figuring it out"--which can be frustrating.
I can only imagine what it feels like to go to heaven. The relief it must be to finally be home--in a place where insecurity is gone, faith is affirmed, eternal happiness...just seems incredible, doesn't it?
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
SNOW!
I don't normally feel that way about snow (especially considering I now have to run after work and who knows what the drive has in store for me), but I was struck by how beautiful it was at 6 a.m.
**And I think we might get some more on Thursday! (time to learn the bus routes to work...)
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
I think I Flirt Too Much
James 4:4-6 The Message
I've been fascinated with James recently. In fact, I think I've read the entire book three days in a row. For a while now, I've struggled with the fact that my life doesn't look that much different from a non-Christian. I don't give more financially than non-Christians (probably less), I don't live with a sense of peace (in fact, usually I seem to carry around stress wherever I go), I drink too much, I am not overly kinder than non-Christians, etc.
But, I believe in Jesus. And if I believe as I say I do, my actions (the outward expressions of my faith) must look different. Otherwise, I'm living as a false Christian--full of pretty things to say, backed up by very little real transformation.
James makes it pretty clear--we have a choice to make--a choice between friendship with God or friendship with the world. And choosing one means not choosing the other-you can't have it both ways. Being friends with the world means you are an enemy of God. Choosing friendship with the world is to choose a life that is in direct conflict with God's will. It is to choose a life full of human ambition, reckless decisions, and dangerous consequences.
I love the Message version of this passage because it paints God as a jealous lover. God wants us completely. We can't choose a little of God and a little of the world-it is an exclusive choice.
I know that every unhealthy relationship I've been in began with casual flirting. Flirting that I believed was harmless, that over time, developed into relationships. And those broken and messed up relationships that began with just a little casual flirting, lead to insecurities and other consequences that still affect me today.
This is not to say that we can't make mistakes or that to choose God means to choose a life of rules and boredom. But, how can we honestly believe that Jesus's death saved us from God's judgment and not desire and long for righteousness?
I believe our lives and actions should reflect that we believe in God's grace and in turn, a life that desires righteousness. Grace and righteousness are NOT contradictory to each other. They go hand in hand. We simply can't extend grace to each other without also longing for righteous choices and lives. To do so would be to miss the point of grace. Desiring grace means also desiring righteousness. We want to be forgiven AND to grow and mature in our faith.
God's love is better than anything we can find in this world. And yet, time and time again we allow ourselves to be wooed by ridiculous substitutes--drinks in excess, sexual impurity, money, success at work. Over time, this continual choice of the world over God turns us into enemies of God.
I choose God and His grace. I choose for my life to look more like Jesus's and less like the world. I choose righteousness.
Sunday, January 06, 2008
Authenticity and Grace
Juno: I need to know that it's possible for two people to stay happy together forever.
Juno's Dad (Mr. MacGuff): Look, in my opinion the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly who you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you. The right person is still going to think the sun shines out of your ass. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with.
I realize that perhaps isn't the most eloquent piece of love advice a father has ever given his daughter, but I like it. It's a question I seem to continually struggle with--can two people really make a relationship work forever?
You see, it's all about being real. It seems so much of our lives we play this giant game, pretending to be whatever we think people want us to be in order to earn respect, become successful, and even to find love.
And how sad. Because, if our relationships aren't authentic, then why bother? I'm definitely no relationship expert; and when it comes to love, my track record is not too great-but, I've learned that pretending to be something I'm not doesn't work; that not being completely honest about my feelings doesn't create a lasting relationship.
The thing is, a relationship that lasts, I'm beginning to realize, is going to be hard, and sometimes awkward or uncomfortable.
And we have to be ok with the uncomfortable, frustrating, and at times annoying moments (i.e. dating a Bengals' fan during a Steelers playoff game) in exchange for a relationship that has a shot at being able to last.
It's hard for me. I want to be perfect. I want to be the ideal girlfriend, who is never annoying or needy. And I want my relationship to be perfect as well--romantic dates where everything goes smoothly, dinners where the food always turns out well, time spent together where no one is ever in a bad mood, etc.
But, that's impossible and nothing is ever perfect. Dinners get burned, perfect dates go awry, I have crazy moments, I get frustrated. It's life. We are human. So, I think our best chance of having a relationship that lasts and, more importantly, that grows is to be real and honest, particularly when it's awkward and hard.
And of course add in a LOT of grace and forgiveness.
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Merry Christmas
It honestly feels like the older I get, the quicker time moves. I drove into Toledo Saturday morning and now I am sitting here preparing for work on Thursday because, well, time flew by once again.
It's nothing new. Everybody feels this way I'm sure. Parents see it in the way a newborn transforms into a little person seemingly overnight. I'm just consumed by thoughts of not wanting to waste time. Things happen so fast and we all get so busy; we barely have time to sit and think--and when we do, we are just planning for what is next.
I long to honor time and make memories, instead of just rushing through to the next thing--the next event--the next stage of life. I know I have said this 100 times, but I desire to be in the moment, and not always analyzing and plotting for what is to come.
One of the reasons this has been a wonderful Christmas season for me is because Steve and I decided early on to spend Christmas doing things and spending time together; rather than buying lavish gifts for each other that carry little sentiment. I feel like we really made memories this season and were in the moment during the time we spent together--and that far outweighs any gift he could have bought for me...(although, I must say, the thought behind his Christmas presents to me was quite touching.)
So, I guess my "goal" or resolution or whatever you want to call it for 2008 is to not be in such a rush. And maybe to try to be less stressed out about work...that'd be good too :-)
