Sunday, August 03, 2008

Need clothes?

On August 29, I'm moving to a smaller apartment. I have to get rid of some stuff and, truth be told, I have needed to de-clutter for a while. Now, I don't have much "stuff" (I think all I have to be moved is a bed, dresser, nightstand and my clothing)--but, I do have a lot of clothes.

I spent my Sunday going through my closet and all the clothes in my dresser. I sorted, threw away, folded, cleaned and I realized a few things:

1. No one needs 14 pairs of jeans. While I have a reason for the each of the 7 pairs I saved, 14 was really quite excessive ;-)

2. I have WAY too many black shirts. Someone at work once commented I wear either black or white every day. I think those are the most flattering and professional colors, but yikes
my wardrobe is quite bland.

3. I parted with a LOT of old clothes. I finally got rid of this adorable JCrew plaid dress I've had since my freshman year of college. (Yep, 9 years old). I loved that dress-loved the way it looked, love the memories I have from
 when I wore it. But, I haven't worn it in nearly 4 years--it's just a dress, right!

4. While I got rid of a ton of clothes, I realized it is really hard for me to part with old t-shirts. Shirts from races and old sports teams--I just can't say goodbye. Even though I don't wear many of them anymore, I like the memories attached to them. So while I bought an under-the-bed storage container for them, I think I'd like to find out how to make them into a blanket or
 something. I've seen people do that before and it's pretty sweet!

5. I have spent a sickening amount of money on clothes over the years. In my "to goodwill" pile, I got rid of at least 3 pair of name brand pants that still had tags on them. I h
adn't worn any of them in at least one year. It's so easy to see something on sale and think "oh, I can't pass up these $9.99 jeans", but it just ends up being such a waste--of money, of space, etc. In one episode of Sex and the City, I remember Carrie realizing she could've put a down payment on an apartment with the amount of money spent on the shoes in her closet. I felt like that today-I wonder what I could have done with all that money I have invested in my rather monochromatic wardrobe over the years...






Thursday, July 31, 2008

Animal Love




Isn't this video amazing? Yes, I cried the first time I watched it.

*Make sure your volume is on to get the full effect ;-) Have a great weekend!

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

A bit of nostalgia


Ever since Jana returned from her Michigan expedition, Fiona has ditched my bed at night for Jana's. I have no idea why. Fiona is definitely a bed-hog (and yes, that is possible at 12lbs, she is amazing at scooting her way over until she is literally in the center of the bed), but I miss her!

This morning I was getting ready for work in our downstairs bathroom and Fi was laying down watching me blow dry my hair. I noticed her turn and look up the stairs, then proceed to climb them and, I'm assuming, hop into bed with Jana for her morning snooze.

For a moment I had a flash back to when Fi and I lived with my parents in Toledo and I had to teach her how to climb stairs. She was so frightened. I had to take a treat and lure her up those stairs, while showing her how to climb with her paws. It was sooooo cute. We'd get to the top and she'd whine for me to carry her back down. She is 3 now! Time goes so fast. :-)

(Yes, I am having nostalgic feelings about my dog that some would have for their children. Deal with it.)

Also, she likes corn. I've been trying to post a picture, but I think my work network won't allow it. I'll try to post it later.

In other news, I watched my first tv poker tournament last night and though I never thought I'd be saying this, it was really fun to watch! Who wants to front me $1500 so I can get in the game? kidding....;-)

*Here is the picture! 

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Jumbled thoughts on mortality...

I've always been accutely aware of my mortality. I remember being very young and having an understanding that eventually every living thing on this Earth would die. Morbid, right? It has always kind of freaked me out how fragile life is. Crazy tragedies happen every day. Incurable diseases can strike at any moment.

But, of course, I have hope. Jesus promises eternal life. I know as a Christian, heaven should provide an immense amount of comfort. But, sometimes it doesn't. (gasp!). Belief and trust have never just come naturally for me. Maybe they did when I was a small child, but I prefer to know things or to have them proven to me with logical arguments and LOTS of evidence in support of those arguments.

It's hard for me to grasp what heaven is--clounds and angels and sunshine all day long? Doubtful. I generally conceptualize heaven as the place or time where I finally am in direct communion with God-no more worrying, no more anguish in this broken world, no more fear. I like that--but again--what does that really look like or feel like. I have no clue!

The other side of this, for me, is that I like this life. I prefer not to think of this world as a waiting room for heaven- a place that I have to survive and get through until God decides it's time for me to go to heaven. The Kingdom of God is now, right? We don't have to wait to die to experience it.

I wonder, too, how heaven can be this place where there is no brokenness or despair when close family or friends aren't there with us. Today my mom is having surgery to remove what the doctors hope is the rest of the skin cancer on her nose. Now, I realize this is likely not a kind of cancer that will kill my mother. But, this surgery kind of further confirmed for me her mortality. I HATE thinking about my parents dying. But, I hate it even moreso because I don't know what will happen to them once they die. My parents were baptized when they were babies, but I am pretty sure they would not consider themselves Christians--though, maybe Christmas and Easter Christians.

And while I will never know what is in their heart of hearts or what they communicate (or don't communicate) with God, I can't help but wonder at what or how heaven can really be heaven without those we love.

I'm not writing this to scare myself into trying to persuade my parents to know Jesus personally. God does not need me to do any of that. But, I am convinced I need to do more with my life, with my calling from God to share the hope that I have with others. I no longer have to fear death and see it as the end. That is the scariest tragedy of all--someone dying without ever knowing real Hope.

Monday, July 28, 2008

Is Madonna now easy listening?


When I think of Madonna, I think of a musician who, over the years, has been very controversial--overtly sexual lyrics, plenty of relationships with lots of different men, etc.

To my surprise, while waiting to be transferred to an attorney I called, the hold music was Madonna's "Like a Virgin." Um, is it just me or does that seem slightly unprofessional?

Sure, I hummed along while I waited (I grew up in the late 80s/early 90s!), but yikes. I guess maybe I'm getting old enough that the music I used to consider "risky" is now bland and probably featured on 98.5.

Friday, July 25, 2008

The price for perfection (physically speaking)

On my way to work this morning, I was listening to a morning radio show that was discussing the latest trend in plastic surgery. Apparently, men can now have their abs "sculpted" into a six-pack through some special kind of liposuction. Amazing. Think how hot that would look--you're walking down the beach and this man with these sculpted abs walks by--but then you notice, the REST of his unsculpted body and begin to wonder--why does this man spend so much time doing sit ups and no time doing bicep curls? Hmm...

It's sad. Sad that a man would pay over $7,000 to have this procedure done. Sad that in our world youth and beauty are revered above most things, including wisdom and experience. Sad that I buy into this too, that I long for a "perfect" body, instead of celebrating a healthy body.

*Note-if you are a man considering this procedure, please know that you have to have a certain amount of fat, which the doctor on the radio called the "one inch test". If you can pull more than one inch of fat from your stomach, you need to lose weight first (hmm, maybe the ab muscles would develop naturally then?). However, if you have less than 1/2 inch of fat, you will need to gain weight. Ha!

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

mmm tomatoes


While I adore a hamburger right off the grill or a juicy well-seasoned steak, in the summer tomatoes are at the peak of their season. So, I thought I'd share my favorite tomato recipe.

*And this is my kind of recipe-no measuring, no confusing instructions. You cannot mess it up, and it tastes delicious! (unless of course, you don't like tomatoes)

INGREDIENTS
Tomatoes--I prefer cherry/grape tomatoes and some of the little yellow pear-shaped tomatoes, but any ripe tomato will do
Fresh basil
Fresh homemade mozzarella cheese (NOT Kraft shredded, usually shaped in a ball)*
Extra virgin olive oil
Balsamic vinegar
Salt and pepper

Slice tomatoes lengthwise and slice mozzarella into bite sized chunks. Chop basil into strips (or simply tear it into strips). Toss together in a bowl and sprinkle some olive oil over the salad. Add a small dash of the vinegar (a little goes a long way) and sprinkle a bit of salt and pepper over salad.
*You can replace the mozzarella with fresh grated Parmesan--it's a different taste, but still quite tasty

That's it! Pair it with some bread and you've got yourself a healthy summer meal.

Mmmm...

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Yikes




How about that lightning last night? While I generally love thunderstorms, I love 8 hours of sleep even more! I also love electricity and having hair that has been blow dried for work. My hair doesn't quite look the same "au naturale".


I had to physically hold Fiona under my covers so she would stop freaking out--FUN! Jana thought we might need to take cover in the basement :-) I was more concerned about the air conditioning being off due to losing power.


But, I managed alright with no lights. And I realized my pretty Lexis Nexis flashlight did NOT come with batteries. So I got ready by the light of my cell phone this morning (*note-not easy to put in your contacts with no light). The best part was that I still made it to the Rec center for a workout this morning. Being the idiot I am, I did not bring my stuff with me to shower there--in the air conditioning, with outlets for my hair dryer and lights. Lesson learned!


Oh well, it was a pretty fantastic light (and sound) show!

Monday, July 21, 2008

on my mind

“The voice of despair says, ‘ I sin over and over again. After endless promises to myself and others to do better next time, I find myself back again in the old dark places. Forget about trying to change. I have tried for years. It didn’t work and it will never work. It is better that I get out of people’s way, be forgotten, no longer around, dead.’

This strangely attractive voice takes all uncertainties away and puts an end to the struggle. It speaks unambiguously for the darkness and offers a clear-cut negative identity.

But Jesus came to open my ears to another voices that says, ‘I am your God, I have molded you with My own hands, and I love what I have made. I love you with a love that has no limits, because I love you as I am loved. Do not run away from Me. Come back to Me--not once, not twice, but always again. You are my child. How can you ever doubt that I will embrace you again, hold you against My breast, kiss you and let My hands run through your hair? I am your God--the God of mercy and compassion, the God of pardon and love, the God of tenderness and care. Please do not say that I have given up on you, that I cannot stand you any more, that there is no way back. It is not true. I so much want you to be with Me. I so much want you to be close to me. I know all your thoughts. I hear all your words. I see all your actions. And I love you because you are beautiful, made in My own image, an expression of My most intimate love. Do not judge yourself. Do not condemn yourself. Do not reject yourself.

Let My love touch the deepest, most hidden corners of your heart and reveal to you your own beauty, a beauty that you have lost sight of, but which will become visible to you again in the light of My mercy. Come, come, let Me wipe your tears, and let My mouth come close to your ear and say to you, ‘I love you, I love you, I love you.’ "

-Henri Nouwen

For someone like myself who tends to adopt a more "negative" outlook on things (and who is often frustrated with herself), this passage just speaks so much to me... thank you Henri Nouwen for so wonderfully describing the tender, comforting love of God.

Friday, July 18, 2008

It's a weekend for the movies.

Two movies I've been wanting to see open today--The Dark Knight and Mamma Mia!. (Don't make fun-I saw Mamma Mia! performed in London and it was spectacular.) Last night I was skimming Rotten Tomatoes for some movie reviews of each and I am now seriously wondering how these movie critics become critics. What a fantastic career that would be! Aside from being good, clever writers, I wonder what expertise it takes to categorize movies as masterpieces or failures (or rotten, as the case may be).

Perhaps the only job better would be a food critic...but I'd be terrible because I don't like foods like mushrooms and olives (and most cheeses) that snobby food-experts think are so flavorful.
TGIF! If you are off to the movies this weekend--enjoy! And enjoy the crowd :-) I heard at work today that Holiday Auto Theatre, a drive-in in Hamilton, Ohio, is showing The Dark Night, The Incredible Hulk, and Iron Man this weekend. How fun!

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

incredible

On the Today show this morning, they featured the story of a dog who was reunited with his owners after being missing for 5 YEARS. You can read about the reunion here.

A few things struck me about this story:
1. Everyone makes fun of me for how protective I am of Fi getting loose-yet this dog got out of a FENCED IN YARD.

2. Dogs are amazingly loyal creatures. If you can listen or read that story and not get a little teary-eyed, you may just have a heart of stone.

3. Anyone with a dog should have it micro-chipped. At most it costs $35 dollars, and it ensures that if your pup's collar comes off, your dog can still be identified by any vet or shelter.

4. That story held my attention longer than the segment Matt Lauer did with Senators Joe Biden and Lindsey Graham regarding alleged "flip-flopping" of the presidential candidates. YAAAAAWWWWN. Is this a bad sign? I'm already tired of all the campaign talk. It just seems so unnecessarily dramatic and fake to me. Everyone always talks about how much they hate politicians, but I think the media and its treatment of politics, particularly the presidential campaign, is far worse.

5. I miss Fi. She is on vacation with her Aunt Katy until Saturday. *sigh*

Monday, July 14, 2008

The Beauty of Doing Nothing

I'm in the midst of reading Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. I'll save my review of the entire book when I'm actually finished with it, but I came across this passage last night:

Americans have an inability to relax into sheer pleasure. Ours is an entertainment seeking nation, but not necessarily a pleasure seeking one. Americans spend billions to keep themselves amused with everything from porn to theme parks to wars, but that's not exactly the same thing as quiet enjoyment...Of course, we all inevitably work too hard, then we get burned out and have to spend the whole weekend in our pajamas, eating cereal straight out of the box and staring at the TV in a mild coma (which is the opposite of working, yes, but not exactly the same thing as pleasure). Americans don't really know how to do nothing.

She writes this passage while retelling her time spent in Italy--a country whose people cleary grasp the concept of taking pleasure in doing nothing. I really think in America (particularly corporate America), we're often made to feel guilty when we are "doing nothing." We are expected to be available 24/7--via e-mail or text or fax. We can't go on vacation without our blackberries and laptops, constantly yanked back to the stress of work the way I yank my dog around on a walk.

When I came back from my European vacation in the summer of 2003, I was convinced I was going to finish law school, learn Italian, and move to Italy and just be. But, alas, I got caught up in to-do lists, and career goals, blah blah. I think what most attracted me to Italy was just the more relaxed culture. I'm certainly not promoting a hedonistic existence, and I don't think the Bible guides to seek pleasure at all costs; but, I also don't believe America's culture of greed and career success is the end goal.

So, yeah, this memoir is making me think about how I can better appreciate the beauty of doing nothing. (In Italian it's il bel far niente, a pleasure even to say it!).

At the very least, maybe I should learn Italian. It's been 5 years since I came back from Europe and I still haven't done that...

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Get Your TiVO Ready!















Tonight at 8PM on CBS, the newest reality show, Greatest American Dog, will premier. Before you ask, the dog pictured above will not be on the show--but that's only because I didn't enter her and didn't even know it existed!

I know what you're thinking--reality television has gone too far this time! But, c'mon. You know you love American Idol and Dancing with the Stars. And maybe you won't admit it, but you've watched the Bachelor and America's Got Talent. So does it really seem that far off to watch a television show about man's best friend?

Even though America's Greatest Dog (see above) won't be featured, I'm looking forward to checking out this newest of reality tv shows! Enjoy ;-)

*Edit: I don't know what was going on with that original picture, but here is one just as cute!

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

Modern Love

Last night before I went to bed, I was reading the New York Times online and somehow stumbled on this essay. NYT held an essay contest for college students to write about "modern love". This essay was a runner-up (there are four you can click to from there) and wow, did it define exactly how our modern world views love. I highly recommend reading all four-but this one in particular.

Most people I know my age have assumed a cynical, casual approach to love. Watch most movies made today or read new books and you rarely see a romantic, beautiful portrayal of a maturing, long-lasting relationship. Instead, you see selfishness, cheating, dishonesty, and purely ego-centric values glorified. Modern media affirms for us what we've learned from the exploding divorce rate and dysfunctional families. Marriages don't last. Relationships are too hard to be worth it. That soulmate stuff is just B.S.

People no longer go on dates. Instead, we adopt a "no strings attached" philosophy and convince ourselves that this is the way you never get hurt. We don't need to learn things like grace and compromise because modern relationships have no expectations--it's only about getting our instant needs met and moving on. We travel in groups of friends rather than committing to one person, moving from one casual encounter to the next-all the while convincing ourselves that this is freedom.

I've lived that philosophy and admit there are times it seems attractive. BUT, my experience has taught me that having such a selfish, fearful approach to relationships is anything but freeing.

I refuse to latch on to this modern myth that real love is impossible. I realize it's work. I realize I must sacrifice, mature, compromise, learn to be more flexible and grow up. I admit few relationships stand up to the Nicholas Sparks standard. But I believe real love is worth it. Contrary to our world's portrayal, real love is exciting-not boring, it's passionate--not ordinary.

Don't give up.

*In case you don't plan on clicking the link and reading the article, here is my favorite passage from the essay:

We’ve grown up in an age of rampant divorce and the accompanying tumult. The idea that two people can be happy together, maturing alongside each other, seems as false as a fairy tale. So when a relationship ends, it isn’t seen as bad. It’s held as evidence that the relationship was never any good to begin with.

MAYBE it’s just that we have learned nothing can compare to the perfect moment of the unexpected hookup — wet lips on the beach, lying in the sand — and so we aim to accumulate as many as possible. Or maybe we’re simply too immature to commit. That has been the rap against guys forever, but now women think the same way. With the world (and the world of sex) at our fingertips, it’s difficult to choose, to settle, to compromise.

But I do occasionally wonder: If we can’t get past ourselves and learn to sacrifice to be with another, then what is in store? A generation of selfish go-getters fueled by nothing more than our own egos, forever seeking that rare dose of self-esteem? An era of loneliness filled with commercial wants and mate selection based on the shallowest of criteria?

As a staunch proponent of my generation, I believe that, despite what it may seem, we appreciate the ways of love and affection but are simply waiting for them to take over. We might dally in the land of easy sex and stilted text-message flirtation, but deep down we crave the warm embrace of all-consuming love.

-"Let's Not Get to Know Each Other Better", Joel Walkowski, June 8, 2008-New York Times

Monday, July 07, 2008

The next time you begin to make a lawyer joke...

Consider this:

The average amount of law school debt owed at graduation soared 431 percent between 1987 to 2005, from $16,000 to $85,000...For some students, law school pays handsome dividends. With starting salaries at $160,000 and above at large New York City firms, even students who borrow $100,000 or more to attend law school reap substantial economic rewards. But most lawyers do not start at $160,000; the median starting salary at a two-to 10 lawyer firm is a whopping $110,000 less than at a Wall Street powerhouse [$50,000].*

-The New Math of Legal Education, Andrew P. Morriss and William D. Henderson, July 2008

I came across this article in my American Bar Association monthly journal and to be honest, the cost of my legal education weighs on me often. While consumer debt is one evil to be sure, the cost of higher education in America is getting out of control. I may not have amassed the average amount of debt as most law students, but that was only because I made a conscious decision to live with my parents and attend the University of Toledo. I could have attended a "better" school in perhaps a flashier city, but at what cost?

I don't know what the answer to the problem of soaring student loan debt in this country is, but I do know that this is not an issue that gets too much political attention (though, admittedly I may be misinformed!). Some entity is making a killing here-and I'm guessing it's all those loan consolidation companies that attack you once your grace period ends with the federal government.

The anxiety associated with my own student loan debt is exhausting. While I don't want to use it as an excuse, that large monthly payment is a huge factor that I always have to consider when I think about my future. It feels immobilizing.

My point in all this is that students should be better educated about the "cost" of their education. It saddens me to think of college freshman picking a major solely based on what job he/she can get after college to pay off that enormous debt. College should be a place where you learn how to learn; not where you pick up a trade. I'm so thankful I attended a liberal arts school and graduated with a degree in history/English rather than some degree that is essentially a voucher for a job. I'm a better writer for it. I'm a better lawyer for it. Mostly, I'm a better thinker for it (I know, that's debatable!).

America is the richest country in the world, yet we've created a higher education system that enslaves its graduates financially. People should be free to learn--and shouldn't be punished and targeted financially for their decision. And politicians should be ashamed for not investigating this issue more.

Anyway...sorry for the rant. But, just some food for thought the next time you think that lawyer you know is fancy and rich and lives a life of luxury. ;-)

*Starting prosecutors in Lucas County, Ohio (Toledo) make less than a starting teacher in a public school.

Thursday, July 03, 2008

You Know You're From Toledo When...

I'm off to Toledo for the Fourth of July weekend. In honor, I thought I'd share the following I came across...
Have a great long weekend! I can't wait to sleep in :-)

You Know You're from Toledo When...


1.) You're tired of hearing about Katie Holmes.
2.) You refuse to call it Westfield Shopping Center, because we all know it is really Franklin Park Mall.
3.) You've had a Rudy's hot dog, and have concluded with the rest of Toledo that it's really not that great.
4.) You freeze your butt off walking around the Toledo Zoo at 10 degrees because you want to see Christmas lights.
5.) You know how to drive in snow, rain, and hail.
6.) You know where the original Tony Packo's is at and you know what type of food famous people sign on the walls.
7.) If you see a driver who's driving erratically, you automatically check for the Michigan license plate.
8.) You know what Magic Wok is.
9.) Visiting Cedar Point is a tradition dating back to the elementary school years.
10.) You have a favorite room in the Toledo Art Museum.
11.) You know who Jamie Farr is.
12.) Cosi was a yearly class field trip.
13.) You graduated at the Stranahan.
14.) You know what Krogering is.
15.) You felt cool going to Ohio Skate on weekends as a kid.
16.) Your school was cancelled because of the 7 inches of snow you got during the night.
17.) You remember when Toledo didn't have ANY Wal-Marts.
18.) "Everybody's Zooing It" means something to you, and you can sing the song, weird accent and all.
19.) Seeing a giant, neon-colored, plastic frog sitting on the sidewalk is nothing unusual.
20.) You're so used to driving in construction that you feel odd driving where you can't see orange barrels.
21.) You know what Meijer is.
22.) You've been to a Mud Hens game.
23.) Your mayor decides to change the fire hydrant color.
24.) You get stopped by a train almost daily.
25.) You think having four all-girls and boys Catholic high schools in one city is normal.
26.) You know that Smurf ice cream is the only flavor worth eating at Mr. G's Barn.
27.) Your mayor has gotten into almost-fist-fights with people.
28.) You get into a legal jam and call Sam Bolotin.
29.) You'd rather drive an hour to Detroit than fly out of Toledo Express.
30.) You hate The Blade, but read it anyway.
31.) You miss Dave Carlson and now believe the weather is no longer the same.
32.) You know where to get the best Mexican/Chinese/Italian/Pizza, but still proclaim Toledo is running out of good restaurants.
33.) You can finish this Banner Mattress commercial: "No gimmicks, no tricks till 200_"
34.) You got confused when they added onto the mall.
35.) You agree Toledo is "a great place to raise a family" but you want to get the hell out as soon as possible.
36.) You're torn between rooting for BG or UT.
37.) You know of at least 3 clubs downtown, but are too afraid to go to any of them.
38.) You know Major Magic's was way better than Chuck E. Cheese's.
39.) You know what Q-Zar is and have a favorite team color.
40.) You have gotten or almost gotten a ticket in Ottawa Hills.
41.) You have at least one Race for the Cure t-shirt.
42.) You judge people by which Kroger's they go to.
43.) You know where the only White Castle in Toledo is.
44.) You remember the tunnel that used to go to the zoo and have jumped on the metal hatch at least 6 dozen times.
45.) It's not mini golf. It's putt-putt.
46.) You have four network TV news stations, but you only take two of them seriously.
47.) You know your choice in colors on OSU vs. Michigan day cuts out any decent conversation with half of your friends, because unlike most of Ohio towns, Toledo is 50% Michigan fans 50% Ohio State fans.
48.) You go to Michigan regularly and enjoy it even if you hate the team.
49.) You are used to food festivals (German, Polish, Irish and every other festival) and go to them even if you aren't of the nationality.
50.) You can explain snow and every other weather pattern.
51.) You drive around Sylvania because you know the neighborhoods with the best Christmas lights!
52.) You know why Toledo is called the "Glass City".
53.) Mentioning Telegraph Road conjures images of adult bookstores and strip clubs.
54.) You know that one of the most important battles ever to take place on the North American continent was the Battle of Fallen Timbers, yet they want to make the ground into another stupid mall.
55.) You can pronounce Maumee correctly.
56.) You know the best place in the world to buy cakes is Wixey's Bakery.
57.) You know what speed to drive on the Trail at night so that you never have to hit the brakes.
58.) You overheard at least one panicked conversation after the 9/11 attacks about how Davis-Besse was going to get blown up.
59.) You know and can explain what a buckeye is.
60.) Ending up in Michigan after taking a wrong turn does not incite panic because it's like going across the street.
61.) You remember Southwyck BEFORE it fell apart and became empty and crappy. Or you've even HEARD of Southwyck.
62.) You will always call MUO "MCO" and your parents will always call UT "TU."
63.) You wouldn't eat a fish from the Maumee River, and you wouldn't EVER swim in it.
64.) No matter what the story is, whether it's about a man from Japan or a tornado in Oklahoma, the news stations always find someone in Toledo who can relate or has been affected by it.
65.) You what they are referring to when they sing "There goes another one."
66.) You've paid less than $5 to park downtown for an entire day.
67.) You know what school a guy attends when he's referred to as a Frannie or a Johnny.
68.) You are well aware of the fact that there are three Kroger's along Glendale Avenue within 3 miles of each other.
69.) Macy's is still Marshall Field to you, or Marshall Field is still Hudson's. You also remember when Dillards was Lion.
70.) You remember when National Amusements didn't have a price-controlling monopoly on Toledo's major theaters.
71.) You claim that you hate going to the Jamie Farr (now Owens Corning) Classic at Highland Meadows, even though you really love it.
72.) You've met Marcy Kaptur.
73.) You can correctly answer the question on Trivial Pursuit Millenium Edition, about naming the mayor of an Ohio town that wanted to pass legislature to have all the deaf people moved out by the airport. THEN WE RE-ELECTED HIM!
74.) You know not to drive down Lagrange Street by yourself at night.
75.) You know who Walt Churchill is and remember Churchill's Supermarket.
76.) You know that when someone wants to be taken to St. V's, it's not a good thing.
77.) You tried to call a radio station and Johny D hung up on you.
78.) You hear "Springfield" and you know it has nothing to do with the Simpsons.
79.) You know that Spring Meadows has nothing to do with spring or meadows.
80.) Your childhood memories include riding the carousel at Southwyck Mall (before it got scary and empty).
81.) You remember when the Big Boy on Secor Road disappeared.
82.) A two bedroom apartment for $400/month is expensive.
83.) You've been on the Ohio Turnpike and don't mind paying the $0.50 to drive from the airport to Maumee because you know it will save time.
84.) You can remember the mummy being in the Egyptian room at the museum.
85.) You live in a suburb, but say you're from Toledo.
86.) The candidates for most elections are a party-endorsed Democrat and a Democrat running as an independent.
87.) You know that it's actually called Kroger but always say Krogers.
88.) You've been involved in or witnessed a fight break out at the Franklin Park Cinemas.
89.) You can drive 50mph through I-280's 35mph construction zone and know when to slow down cause there's usually a cop around the bend.
90.) You know that the BEST place to buy corn and strawberries is Monnette's Market!
91.) You frequently avoid seeing movies until they go to Super Cinemas and you can see it for $2 instead of $10.
92.) You think nothing of it when it snows one day and the day after, it's 70.
93.) You realize 1/3 of the population of Toledo has a Toledo Zoo sticker on their vehicle.
94.) You agree with John Denver that 'Saturday night in Toledo, Ohio is like being nowhere at all.'
95.) You measure distance in time and not miles.
96.) You know the slogan 'Toledo Loves its Jeep' and it means something to you.
97.) You remember those Affordable Chiropractic commercials where the guy always played the guitar.

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Grateful

This morning I awoke to combination of my feet burning and itching. I looked down and saw two fresh blisters and several mosquito bites. Last night Steve and I walked up to Mt. Storm park prepared to read books and enjoy a picnic. Instead we were greeted by SWARMS of little gnats and mosquitos, and even some bees! My shoes rubbed my feet the whole way--thus the cause of this morning's new blisters.


So I hopped out of bed rather grumpy. After a shower which stung my blisters (I had to pop and drain them, of course!), I drove to work in an even grumpier mood. On my walk from the parking garage to my office, I started asking myself-why am I being SO negative? Blisters aren't so bad. A few mosquito bites aren't going to kill me.


I tell you what, there are days I just need a slap in the face to remind me to have a little perspective. Why is it so much easier for me to focus on the negative?


-I wish I made more money. I am blessed to have a job that provides me with plenty of money to clothe and feed myself. f I have more than enough to provide for basic necessities and am able to treat myself to many luxuries many people cannot afford.

-I need to lose 10 lbs. I am grateful for a healthy body. I am able to run nearly every day and have money to purchase healthy food.

-I hate these blisters and mosquito bites. I had a great time relaxing with Steve last night. How lucky am I to have him in my life?

-I hate having to work so many hours. I am thankful for a job that challenges me and is providing me with excellent experience for whatever I choose to do in the future. Many people in this economy are losing jobs, yet, I am blessed to be employed with plenty to do!

-It's so hot outside. I am thankful I can afford air conditioning to escape the heat. I am grateful I live close to swimming pools and know how to swim.


You get the idea. I know I can't just magically flip a switch and become the most optimistic person ever. But, before I open my mouth to complain, I want to try to use a little "perspective filter" and realize things are definitely not bad at all. Life is GOOD. I am BLESSED with friends and family who love me, an amazing little dog, an education--so many things that many people are missing. But, instead of waking up every morning and getting on my knees to thank God for my comfortable bed, air conditioning, LIFE, I gripe about how my feet hurt.


No more of this "woe is me" crap. I am one of the luckiest people I know.

Monday, June 30, 2008

Like a Fish Out of Water

I decided, against my better judgment, to do a triathlon on July 13 at Kings Island. Please don't be impressed--it's only a "sprint" triathlon, a 400 Meter Swim, 13 mile bike, and 3.1 mile run. I'm not too concerned with the run part. But, as for the bike/swim, I'm thinking I will be lucky to finish.


Tonight I decided to swim laps for the first time, in say, 3 years. Other than a brief stint when I broke my foot in 2006, I haven't swum laps since I was a senior in high school. YIKES. Let's just say it was awkward and really hard. Considering I used to race 500 Meters in under 6 minutes and it took me about 10 to swim my first 400 meters tonight, I'd say I'm in terrible shape. My lungs were strained, my arms burned, and I could barely swim for 30 minutes.  Nonetheless, swimming is such a great workout!  (And the hot tub when you're done is the best!) 



I think I'm going to be very sore come July 14.  

Friday, June 27, 2008

Vacation Re-Cap

Ok, so it's one week late. Seven days ago I returned from a much needed 10 day vacation to the Outer Banks-complete with endless sunshine, a very swim-able ocean and LOTS of delicious seafood. Perhaps best of all, Steve came along, met my crazy family for the first time, and we are still together! ;-)
I apologize in advance for the lack of photos. I am pretty sure my parents took 125 pictures of the grandkids and one picture of me, and since it was a picture of me on a beach in a bathing suit, it will not be going on this blog.
Highlights (in no particular order):
1. TOM-TOM-my newest and perhaps most favorite purchase ever. TOM was great at getting us to the OBX. If you don't have a GPS system, what are you waiting for? It is amazing-particularly for someone who is as directionally-challenged as myself.
2. Steve drove the entire way-there and back. I hate driving. I'm not a good driver and I love to sleep. So, this worked perfectly!
3. Outdoor shower. Enough said.
4. Wii bowling tournement with my family. I came in second. My mom ended up winning the $4 pot!
5. No pantyhose, suit jackets, high heels for 10 days. AHHHH.
6. Nighttime walk on the beach when there was a full moon. Gorgeous. The only distraction were the one million ghost crabs also joining us on our walk. I really think they could do a horror movie about those crabs.
7. Flying a kite for the first time! Seriously, I've never done that before.
8. Did I mention the food? I ate so well, maybe too well. Lots of crabcakes, scallops, shrimp and other seafood deliciousness. Plus real Key Lime Pie. Not that fake stuff you see around here. MMMM.
9. Spending a morning with my niece and nephew at the pool. They are the most well-behaved kids ever. They are also a lot of fun. The only bad thing is that they like Burger King. Sick. Oh, yeah, and my niece named her new stuffed hedgehog "Liz" because of our apparent resemblence.
10. I read 5 books! :-) And got a great tan while doing it.
I had a really wonderful time and it was great to relax and have literally nothing "to do" each day. Very peaceful.
Hope your summer vacations are just as relaxing!
*Note: I tried to better space this blog. But, no matter how I tried, it continued to single space it. Perhaps the most annoying 15 minutes I've spent in a while. I apologize for the readibility but I don't have the patience to mess with this any longer!!

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

One week from today...

my biggest worry will be whether I am getting tan lines!

*can't wait *

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Touch of Gray

Sir Thomas More: The law Roper, the law. I know what's legal, not what's right. And I'll stick to what's legal.
Roper: Then you set man's law above God's!
More: No, far below; but let me draw your attention to a fact--I'm not God. The currents and eddies of right and wrong, which you find such plain sailing, I can't navigate. I'm no voyager...

-A Man of all Season's, Robert Bolt

I fear I've spent the better part of 2008 classifying behavior (mine and others) as either right or wrong; sinful or unsinful. Now heading into the 6th month of the year, and I'm re-confirming what I've always felt to be true-it's quite difficult (and ridiculous) to try to have a black/white approach to life. 

In fact, I'd venture to say that most things in life remain in that ambiguous gray area. For instance, I can't conclusively say that point X is where you draw the line physically in a relationship or that X number of drinks is too many, etc. 

I think it's simplistic and ignorant to think following Jesus somehow makes it crystal clear what is right or wrong. If I'm just willing myself to not do certain things and do others, I lose the personal, merciful sides of God I love. I'm not trying to cheapen the importance of obedience to God. I'm merely saying "doing the right thing" isn't always so easy as it sounds.

Sure, I think it's easier sometimes to just try to live by what we perceive to be right and wrong and respond to moral issues with clear cut responses. But I think that type of approach can be kind of arrogant. It also sets us up to begin placing all behaviors on a sliding scale and we start thinking "well, I may do this but at least I don't do that".  And let's face it, that mentality is the opposite of the kingdom of God. 

I'd rather error on the side of grace for people (and myself!) and trust that God knows better than I do what is right and wrong. 

Monday, May 26, 2008

i love the food network

I have an obsession with the Food Network. I love spending Saturday and Sunday mornings drinking coffee, catching up on emails from work and watching Paula, Giada, and Rachel teach me how to make delicious dishes. One Sunday morning I watched the Food Network in HD on Steve's tv--and let me just say I am convinced whomever invented HD did so to showcase sports (of course), but also food!

It's funny because once in a while I will attempt one of the recipes I watch on tv--and it's so gratifying. (Although it can also be frustrating--one of Giada's dishes I tried to replicate ended up with the smoke alarm that would NOT stop going off). But, when it's all said and done, it's much more satisfying to attempt to make a recipe than simply watching it on tv. And I learn that way--I learn not only cooking techniques, but I also learn what spices I like or don't like and what flavors compliment together.  We all learn the best by actually doing, right? 

I think we all could "do" a little more and "watch" a little less. In all areas of my life I should be jumping in and getting my hands dirty so I can learn. Because it's harder (and much slower) to learn and grow by just watching from the sidelines and letting everybody else tell you what you do and don't need in your life. I firmly believe it's the messy mistakes in our own life that teach us the most. And those mistakes usually teach us way more than someone else's words or advice.  

Thursday, May 22, 2008

p & p

Tonight Steve and I watched Becoming Jane, a movie about Jane Austen and how a certain love interest in her life influenced her writing Pride and Prejudice. Yes, I owe Steve big for letting me pick the movie and letting me pick that movie. I am a very lucky woman.

Anyway...of course I came home and rummaged through my old, tattered copy of Pride and Prejudice. This book is definitely in my top 5 of all time, and may be my favorite. 

Either way, here are 2 passages I came across tonight. I love this story. Enjoy and have a wonderful Memorial Day weekend!

I cannot fix on the hour, or the look, or the words, which laid the foundation. It was too long ago. I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun. 
-Mr. Darcy, Chapter 60

You were disgusted with the women who were always speaking and looking, and thinking for your approbation alone. I roused, and interested you, because I was so unlike them.
-Elizabeth, Chapter 60

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

The essentials

This morning I went to give Fiona her scoop of dog food only to realize there were 5 little kibbles left in the bag. I rummaged around and ended up feeding her a half hot dog for breakfast since I figured that was the most dog-ish food in the house. (If that doesn't give you the picture of what an amazing parent I would be, I don't know what will)

It's been over 2 weeks since I've made a decent grocery store run and I am desperately in need of food, but I just was not in the mood for a long Kroger trip. So I decided I would make a trip to IGA on my way home from work for some essentials.

My essentials?
1 bag of dog food
1 "just for one" California Kitchen Pizza
2 bottles of vihno verde (the best summer wine ever-and no they were not for dinner, but IGA has been out of stock of this delicious 5.99 wine, so I figured I would stock up)
1 pack of Orbit Crystal Mint gum

The cashier scanned my items and said "looks like a fun night for you." And it was! Sometimes I get to thinking how great it is to be all grown up and get just what I want from the store, instead of what I need. Sure, I could've spent $20 on things like eggs and bread and lunch meat...but, somedays your "essentials" vary. :-)

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

sadness

I planted two little tomato plants with the hopes of having tomatoes I could pick right off and eat without having to go to the grocery store. And they are both on their way to dying. It's completely my fault. I planted them in pots that didn't have a hole for drainage and inadvertently placed them under a gutter (that is in desperate need of being cleaned out). So, every time it rains, they get dumped on. The poor little tomatoes are drowning! I am going to try to drill a hole in the pots tonight and put a stake in each one so they can grow up straight, but I think my dream of having tomatoes right outside on my deck is fading. 

In better news, I did win 2/3 games of Jeopardy on Saturday AND it's supposed to be a gorgeous Memorial Day Weekend! 

Sunday, May 18, 2008

self-sufficiency

"And how disastrous for us is the continual remembrance of death which war enforces. One of our best weapons, contented worldliness, is rendered useless. In wartime not even a human can believe that he is going to live forever."
-The Screwtape Letters, C.S. Lewis


Two things happened to me today that were kind of convicting-1. I listened to a podcast of a talk given by Matt Chandler that suggested the danger of living a life where you are constantly trying to remain safe and in control (and how that essentially means you are saying you control God) and then 2. I read through half of The Screwtape Letters, by C.S. Lewis, and came across a section where Screwtape basically states one of his best weapons is when a person has "contented worldliness." 

I know that I struggle, and will likely always struggle, with pride. I consider myself intelligent (although God likes to use Jeopardy to humble me). I try to make logical, wise decisions. And in all of that, I try to control everything. I do certain things to control areas of my life, and in a sense, to create certain outcomes. For example, I work hard at work, put in long hours--to make sure I have job security. I call my sister and spend time with her, to make sure we stay close. I exercise daily and *try* to eat healthfully so that I will live longer. But while none of that is bad per se, it's dangerous to get content in relying on doing those things to create safety and security.

I mean, everything in this world is so futile. In his talk Matt Chandler kept saying "all it takes is one phone call" to disrupt everything I've worked so hard to control.  And in controlling everything, I'm making myself a slave to those things. That is not a free life. 

It's just another reminder that this life isn't mine. My life is God's--for Him to use how he wants. Everything is His and was created for His glory. Everything. True contentment, the kind of which Paul describes when he says he has learned to be content in all circumstances, is not a contentment derived from setting all his ducks in a row and having a safe life. Paul's contentment is a peace that he feels because he knows his life is not his, but God's. And recognizing that means he can be joyful and free even during the worst kind of suffering.

So far this year for me has really been learning how to be free. And I think to be free I have to learn to be content in the same manner Paul is. I can't create that kind of peace because I have money or a boyfriend or a loving family or health. All those things could be gone at any moment. 

I'm beginning to realize that true freedom and peace come from knowing my life is not mine, but God has given it to me and wants to use it to glorify Him. And I think that is pretty exciting. It's also a relief to not have to be a slave to everything else.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Welcome Home

I spent the weekend in Pittsburgh (Go Steelers!). When I arrived home about 2 hours ago, the house was empty. I opened the door to the most wonderful welcome. My 12lb dog literally lept into my arms, whimpering and licking me. She was so very very excited to see me. 
I really don't know if there is a better feeling than the sound of a dog running to the door ready to welcome you back home. No matter how much I neglect her, yell at her, push her off my bed, she still comes running with a tail wagging welcome.
I just love it. Extra treats for Fi!


(This is a picture of her welcoming me by stealing my sock--not even 10 minutes after I was home ;-) )

Sunday, May 04, 2008

Take Me Away


36 more days until I am relaxing on the sandy beaches of the Outer Banks.  I am very, very, very ready to get away and escape work, routine, and return refreshed. And I promise not to check my work email while away (more than 5 times--kidding! ;-) ).

Take me away
A secret place.
A Sweet escape.
Take me away.
-Take Me Away, Natasha Bedingfield

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

cursed?

When I was younger, my dad always drove Volvo station-wagons. He drove his last Volvo on the day it blew up on the highway. True story. My dad smelled smoke, pulled over, jumped out, and poof-up in flames the car went. All he salvaged was his burnt up license (which he didn't replace until the expiration date).

The important part of this story--my dad had only one payment left on the car. Since then, not only has my dad switched car makers, but he leases his cars. He and my mom constantly go back and forth about leasing v. buying. Each has their pros and cons. But, for my dad, this little piece of bad luck was enough to change his car-purchasing habits for life.

I say this all because I am 2 car payments away from having my car completely paid off. In fact, I owe less than $500 on my car. It is actually worth a decent amount (I checked the Kelly Blue Book today!). BUT in the past few months, and even moreso this past month, everything that can go wrong with my car has. 

Ok, maybe that's not completely true. But in the last 6 months, I've had my side mirror replaced ($100) windshield replaced (due to giant crack-$150), new wiper rod thingies (at a wopping $300), new brakes ($400) and routine maintenance, including 2 oil changes and a 60K mile check up. I desperately need new tires and to have my hood release fixed, but have held off as these are not "essential" and I simply am not made of money.

Today, I left work, and heard something flapping on my car roof. The trim between my windshield and roof was flapping about and has come "unglued". Well, all I know is I came "unglued" when I realized yet ANOTHER thing was wrong with my car. My uncle, who knows a lot about cars, but unfortunately lives in the middle of nowhere near Dayton, reassured me that my windshield wasn't going anywhere--but that my car might leak if it rains. Sweet. I'm sure it won't rain anytime soon during SPRING IN OHIO.

Oh well. The moral of the story--I think I have my Dad's luck. What to do...hang on to my little saturn and hope it lasts a few years so I can pay off some debt or get rid of the little moneysucker. 

All I know is thank god it isn't supposed to rain tomorrow. I also think I should be buying stock in Saturn for how much money I spend at their service shop.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

the big picture

As much as I wish I weren't, I am definitely a type "A" personality. I obsessively make lists. Adhering to a schedule brings me comfort. I am a control freak. I like things done my way. I compulsively analyze stuff.

I think my personality is the reason my job is very stressful for me. I try so hard to be in control of everything, but there is so much that happens in a case that I simply cannot manage. I can't do everything and I have to rely on other people to do their job right--and that's hard for me, particularly when they don't do their job right. 

On Thursday, I tried something new. You might think this is cheesey, but it really did work. Each time I took a little break--whether it was a ride down the elevator or a trip to the bathroom, I recited silently to myself Psalm 46:10 (be still and know I am God). 

All it took was a moment for me to remind myself everything--work, relationships, finances, the future--everything is under God's control. Yes, God puts us in situations and presents us with opportunities to be available for Him to reach the people of this world, but, He is still in charge. God is much bigger than the petty stuff I allow myself to be consumed by at times. 

In those short moments, I was able to remind myself God doesn't want me spending my time obsessing over why my Motion didn't make it to Stark County overnight even though the DHL receipts indicate otherwise. He wants me to calm down, to feel free, and to know He is God. 

Monday, April 21, 2008

you're (i'm) so vain.

My evening started with a trip to the gym. I belong to UC's rec center. Usually, I go to the gym first thing in the morning at 6:00a.m., but this morning I just could not wake up, so around 6:00p.m. I began my workout. As I was walking in I noticed how full of people the campus was. There were people studying in the amphitheater area, people just walking around talking...it all made me slightly reminiscent about my own college days. It also made me feel old. 

It got worse. Usually when I'm at the gym in the morning, it is not crowded at all, and most of the people there at 6:00a.m. are not students. They are professors or staff or community members, like myself. But tonight at the gym, it was like all the gorgeous, young, thin people were working out. Not only did I feel old, but I felt anything but attractive.  While on the indoor track running I vowed to get some cute workout clothes if I was ever going to come back at that time. (At one point, I found myself highly critical of this young girl in these extremely short shorts doing what I considered to be quite risky leg lifts considering what she was wearing. Then, I so hate to admit this, I realized I was being so critical not because I cared what she was wearing but because I was slightly jealous of the attention she was getting. Oh Lord..I can't even believe I wrote that...scary, right?)

Of course, it's ridiculous, and incredibly vain. I'm not that old. I won't be 27 until August. I'm not overweight. I'm actually in pretty good shape and could probably run much longer than most of the people in that gym. I don't think I'm an ugly person. But that isn't the point. Sometimes I just have these moments where I realize I'm not invincible and getting old isn't that far off. And it scares me. I'm scared of not feeling attractive because I'm not young anymore. I think especially as a woman in a world where looks are so important, getting old can be rather frightening. It can feel like a loss of power and status, and at times sadly enough, a loss of identity. No wonder the beauty industry is so vast. 

The original point of my post was that I just don't feel old. Honestly, I still feel stuck in time at maybe like 14 or 15 years old. Sometimes I can't believe I'm a lawyer or that I have a license to drive a car or that I have a paycheck. After the gym I came home to my roommate and my sister eating dinner with some of their friends from college. They were all commenting on who was getting married and who was having babies. But, it just seems nuts. I don't feel old enough for any of that--and I don't think my friends are old enough either. But, we are, right? 

It's just weird. It's weird getting older and it's weird coming to grips with the fact that what we see isn't lasting. 

And I think the most important thing in all of this is just remembering what my identity really is. It's so easy to get caught up in all this worldly, non-lasting junk. But following Christ means being free from all that. And I think that's pretty cool. 

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day...So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
-2 Corinthians 4:16, 18

Monday, April 14, 2008

simple pleasures

-Fiona falling asleep in my lap while we were praying during our Women's Group...maybe she was praying too ;-)

-feeling sore from working out

-beating Steve in 2 out of 3 games of Jeopardy on Saturday (ok one of the wins is "contested"...but still, I've been on a bad losing streak, it was nice to grab a victory or two)

-today was the last cold day. enough said.

-finally getting my task list at work down to a manageable level (for now)

-skyline dip + strawberries & angel food cake + chips/salsa + leftover Dewey's pizza = great night

-reliving Battleship and the game of Life this weekend with my niece and nephew--those games are AWESOME

-flowers blooming everywhere (text bouquets make it even sweeter ;-) )

-two Lifetime movies in 24 hours

-i will be on a beach for 10 days in a row in less than 58 days...mmm.




life is good.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

worst case scenario


On Wednesday, my roomate and her boyfriend took my dog on a little "road trip" down to see her boyfriend's dog. On the way, they put the window down so Fiona could stick her head out (apparently every dog's dream). I've never let her do that before--I've always feared she would either: a. get something in her eye or b. jump out the window and be gone forever. Steve was quick to tell me it wasn't fair to deny Fiona the joy of feeling the wind through her fur just because I was afraid something might happen. Is Fiona being safe worth denying her exciting experiences like sticking her head out of the window in a car and instead relegating her to stare out the window on the back of the couch?

I know it's so silly! But, I was thinking today that my typical approach to relationships/friendships is sort of similar. Instead of being open, hopeful, and trusting; I'm defensive, closed off, and anxious. I call it the "worst-case scenario" approach. I prepare myself for the worst possible thing that could happen...and basically wait for it. In the meantime, I protect myself as best I can. 

But, I'm kind of tired of this method. And I think it's emotionally immature. Sure, it makes sense that when you've been lied to, treated poorly, or had your heart broken you will guard yourself more carefully, but I think at some point the past just needs to be let go. I can't have a  healthy relationship if I'm always waiting for something bad to happen. I won't be trusting and open--two things no relationship can survive without. 

Anyway, it would be ridiculous if I stopped driving my car because I was afraid I would get in a wreck. It's silly for me to stop running outside because there's a chance I could get attacked. And in the same regard, it's stupid to not be trusting, graceful, and open in a relationship just because something bad might happen or has happened in the past. 

I don't know what it is about our hearts getting broken that is so incredibly scary. In other areas of our life we want to risk and lead adventurous lives. But, with our hearts--mine in particular--I flip into self-defense mode.  I  think I miss out when I approach relationships by envisioning the worst case scenario, instead of focusing on what is good and potentially exciting. I also think it's incredibly selfish to constantly be concerned with "what will happen to me? How could I be hurt?" 

It's time for me to grow up, to stop being so concerned with myself and with what might go wrong. I have one life and I think I'd rather stick my neck out the window and take a chance rather than sit on the couch and watch, always wondering what it might feel like to be hopeful instead of anxious.

*note--the above picture is NOT my dog, nor is at cute as the birthday card that I will continue to circulate until Hallmark stops making it...but you get the idea 

Sunday, March 30, 2008

fantasy v. reality

I've just finished watching Season 3 of Lost. I should've been in bed an hour ago because I have to get to work super early tomorrow to try to find a parking spot downtown prior to the Opening Day Parade shutting down all the parking lots.

But, instead, I can't stop thinking about the show. I can't stop thinking that for most of the people on the island, there really isn't anything for them to return to anyway. I'm not really even sure why they want to be rescued at this point. In some ways, the island is a fantasy much better than real life for most of the characters.

Who knows what this show is about, but it sort of struck me tonight--this contrast between fantasy and reality. Is the fantasy always better? Is the harshness and struggle of reality worth it simply because it's real? Is it better to dream about what might be, but will never actually be or to fight through what is and have hope it can be better?

Yea, I don't know. All I know is Lost leaves me with more questions than any show I've ever watched! 

Happy Opening Day! We get to dress casually and get hot dogs for lunch! No complaints here :-)

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Just Look Around

I was perusing the "items wanted" section on Craig's List last night because I'm trying to find someone who may need all the clothes I just purged from my closet and dresser, and came across this:

"I need cash work! I have a two year old daughter and we have been abandoned by my husband over a week ago. I have no way to pay my bills for April. I have many skills and I am available all shifts. I could do domestic chores, babysit, run errands, clerical work, and many other things. Please call...I also need windows, headlights and taillights...My husband busted out all the windows before he left"

Now, I understand you may be skeptical. I am always skeptical of people asking for money. But, either way, it's clear this woman is hurting and desperate. 

I saw several other ads while looking on the website. The thing is, we are all surrounded by people who have needs--not just financial needs, but deeper needs. Odds are every day you encounter someone who is desperately longing to be loved and cared about. 

Reading this ad was just a reminder to me that I am called to be aware that humanity is longing to be loved. And as a follower of Christ, I am called to do just that--to not just look the other way or wait for someone else to help people; but, instead to share our stories so that others may learn hope. 

So, today I am going to keep my eyes open to people who are broken, hurting and in a low place in their life who need a friend--not just my money or stuff. I'm guessing I won't have to look too far.

In other news...let's say you're playing a game of jeopardy. The category requires the word "red" to be in the Answer. The clue is "debit's opposite." Would you accept "creditor" as an answer or is "credit" the only correct answer?

Can you tell I lost to Steve in Jeopardy again last night? :-/

Monday, March 24, 2008

work work work

It's no secret work's been very busy as of late. Foreclosures are at an all time high, and Ohio is one of the leading states for number of foreclosures in the country. In January, I committed myself to try to find a routine that worked for me finding peace between work and life outside work. I plugged away at my little schedule I constructed for myself, but little by little, I've allowed the structure I set up fall away.

I don't think it's bad to work a lot of hours, or to be into your work. But, I do think it's bad when I start finding myself getting super sensitive to everything...and when I realize I'm being extremely sarcastic (more-so than usual!) to the point it comes across as very very negative. And I really only get like this when I'm exhausted and stressed out. 

I get so frustrated with myself when I'm stressed out because I have a short temper, I complain way too much, and overall I'm not pleasant to be around. It's all very selfish.  I don't want to be one of those people who uses work as an excuse to be curt with others and generally, be an overall jerk. I don't want to use work as an excuse to being late for stuff.

This is my life. And no amount of money or judgments in my client's favor is going to heal the relationships that suffer when I allow myself to become obsessive about work. And it's hard because I'm new at this, so things don't come as easily to me as they might in 5 years.  But that obsession with work leads to lots of stress...and that extreme stress leads to me, well, being pretty much a jerk.  And, for sure, when I am a nervous wreck, I'm not at all available for God to use me. I know God put this job in my lap--there's no way around it. Working so much is completely futile if I'm engaging in it alone, and apart from God's involvement.

If God doesn't build the house, the builders only build shacks.
If God doesn't guard the city, 
the night watchman might as well nap.
It's useless to rise early and go to bed late,
and work your worried fingers to the bone.
Don't you know he enjoys 
giving rest to those he loves?
-Psalm 127:1-2, The Message

Anyway...here's to summer being around the corner, vacation, and most of all grace. I'll never be perfect, but I can be more alert to the potential harm work/stress can have on my life. 

In the meantime, I think it might be time to start scheduling weekly massages... :-)

Friday, March 21, 2008

Sacrifice

I got to thinking that today, Good Friday, is really a reminder of sacrifice. Today we remember Jesus's death on the cross--a death that destroyed the barrier of sin that previously prevented us from being in a relationship with God. Ultimately, this sacrifice is about love.

Today is a good reminder for me that loving people means sacrificing--my time, my money, my life. I wonder how my life would be different if I remembered that to love means to sacrifice. I wonder how my relationships would be different if I put others' needs before my own; if I stopped hoarding God's love, and instead let it pour out to every person I met.

I think in the end it's about being selfless--forgoing the selfish desire to be the "best Christian" and instead choosing to show love by sacrificing. What if your small group was more about how you could love the people around you who don't know God instead of being a place where you obsess about the things you need to do to be a better Christian?  I'm think we truly understand and experience the magnitude of Jesus's sacrifice for us, when we begin showing the world God's love by sacrificing for it.

Today reminds me that I spend way too much time thinking about myself, about my failures and shortcomings as a Christian. Today reminds me of the call to live a sacrificial life because God loves me--and living sacrificially is so natural if we genuinely are experiencing God's love and are allowing ourselves to be transformed by it.

Have a Happy Easter!

Sunday, March 09, 2008

I Win...I Lose.

In court this past Wednesday, I ran into a person with whom I went to law school. Immediately, the conversation went from "nice to see you" to "So, what firm are you working for?" and "How many attorneys are there?" and, "What neighborhood are you living in?"  

It's amazing how the answers to these questions sort of define how "successful" I'd become in this person's eyes. I was thinking to myself this weekend how important appearances can become to us. They can be almost dangerous--getting caught up in meaningless games to ensure we come off as the most successful, the prettiest, the most different...whatever that thing is. 

I like to think I don't get caught up in stuff like that. I mean, I follow Jesus, right? But, I found myself wanting this person to know my firm had over 70 lawyers. I was glad I wore my nice black pinstripe suit, instead of the cheaper-looking brown one I almost wore that day (I'm not kidding...I wish I were). And not because I wanted to seem attractive; but, because I wanted to look successful and appear to be making so much money I could afford nice suits (which is definitely not true!). 

So, even though I'm extremely stressed out, I work too much on the weekends, complain to whoever will listen about how hard my job is--at that moment, I had to brag about my "success" so that I could win the little career game between someone I went to school with for three years. PATHETIC. 

That is definitely not freedom. Jesus offers something radically different than the little games we play in this world, constantly competing with each other--building facades of success or the perfect family or relationship, when inside we are messed up. We are frightened of what people would think if they knew what we really thought. Even the best of us harbor feelings of hatred, lust, pride--all kinds of junk only God can deal with. 

I'm glad I had that random encounter. It highlighted for me how easy it is to fall into the games the world plays--how easy it is to want to fool people around us with appearances, and hide the pain and junk inside. But, we can't hide from God. God knows, and we can't fake behavior or our lives to impress Him. 

What a wonderful, freeing feeling to live solely for God...and not for appearances or games. This is my new passion--I want to quit playing games. I want to let God fix the inside so that what others see on the outside isn't hypocrisy, but something radically different.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Happy Valentine's Day!















If a Steelers fan and a Bengals fan can date each other and make it work, there's hope for anybody!
hope you have a great day with your Valentine...but, I think I somehow snagged the best one ;-)

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Listen and Repeat.

I have been playing this song on repeat for like a week now. It's so cute...and who knows, maybe if you hang out at Taza, you'll fall in love at a coffee shop!

I think that possibly, maybe I'm falling for you.
Yes there's a chance that I've fallen quite hard over you.
I've seen the paths that your eyes wander down,
I want to come too.

I think that possibly, maybe I'm falling for you

No one understands me, quite like you do,
Through all of the shadowy corners of me.

I never knew just what it was about this old coffee shop
I love so much.
All of the while, I never knew.
I never knew just what it was about this old coffee shop
I love so much.
All of the while, I never knew.

I think that possibly, maybe I'm falling for you.
Yes there's a chance that I've fallen quite hard over you.

I've seen the waters that make your eyes shine,
Now I'm shining too.

Because, oh because,
I've fallen quite hard over you.

If I didn't know you, I'd rather not know.
If I couldn't have you, I'd rather be alone.

I never knew just what it was about this old coffee shop
I love so much.
All of the while, I never knew.
I never knew just what it was about this old coffee shop
I love so much.
All of the while, I never knew.

All of the while, all of the while,
And it's you.


-Falling in Love at a Coffee Shop, Landon Pigg

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Home

I worked late today--not because I necessarily had to, but more because I wanted to free up Thursday and Friday. (note-I have most likely now jinxed myself so that I will have to work late both Thursday and Friday)

There is this amazing feeling of coming home after being away for a long time. I left the house at 7:30AM in the freezing cold, dark sky and pulled in the driveway--er parked in the street in front of my house--at 6:40 PM (still dark and cold) and just felt this incredible relief. HOME--yes! Time to relax, read, put on my comfy slippers and drink a glass of wine--not necessarily in that order.

A week or so ago, I was talking with my good friend Jana, and she was chatting about how she finally realized she would always struggle with insecurity, etc. We were basically thinking that no matter what, as human beings we will perpetually be "figuring it out"--which can be frustrating.

I can only imagine what it feels like to go to heaven. The relief it must be to finally be home--in a place where insecurity is gone, faith is affirmed, eternal happiness...just seems incredible, doesn't it?

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

SNOW!

About a half hour ago, I walked outside to go for a run to find a Winter Wonderland on the ground! Ok, it was only about an inch or so...but there is something really pretty about snow that has yet to be disturbed by footprints, tire tracks, or um animals. It was so sparkly!

I don't normally feel that way about snow (especially considering I now have to run after work and who knows what the drive has in store for me), but I was struck by how beautiful it was at 6 a.m.

**And I think we might get some more on Thursday! (time to learn the bus routes to work...)

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

I think I Flirt Too Much

4-6You're cheating on God. If all you want is your own way, flirting with the world every chance you get, you end up enemies of God and his way. And do you suppose God doesn't care? The proverb has it that "he's a fiercely jealous lover." And what he gives in love is far better than anything else you'll find. It's common knowledge that "God goes against the willful proud; God gives grace to the willing humble.
James 4:4-6 The Message

I've been fascinated with James recently. In fact, I think I've read the entire book three days in a row. For a while now, I've struggled with the fact that my life doesn't look that much different from a non-Christian. I don't give more financially than non-Christians (probably less), I don't live with a sense of peace (in fact, usually I seem to carry around stress wherever I go), I drink too much, I am not overly kinder than non-Christians, etc.

But, I believe in Jesus. And if I believe as I say I do, my actions (the outward expressions of my faith) must look different. Otherwise, I'm living as a false Christian--full of pretty things to say, backed up by very little real transformation.

James makes it pretty clear--we have a choice to make--a choice between friendship with God or friendship with the world. And choosing one means not choosing the other-you can't have it both ways. Being friends with the world means you are an enemy of God. Choosing friendship with the world is to choose a life that is in direct conflict with God's will. It is to choose a life full of human ambition, reckless decisions, and dangerous consequences.

I love the Message version of this passage because it paints God as a jealous lover. God wants us completely. We can't choose a little of God and a little of the world-it is an exclusive choice.

I know that every unhealthy relationship I've been in began with casual flirting. Flirting that I believed was harmless, that over time, developed into relationships. And those broken and messed up relationships that began with just a little casual flirting, lead to insecurities and other consequences that still affect me today.

This is not to say that we can't make mistakes or that to choose God means to choose a life of rules and boredom. But, how can we honestly believe that Jesus's death saved us from God's judgment and not desire and long for righteousness?

I believe our lives and actions should reflect that we believe in God's grace and in turn, a life that desires righteousness. Grace and righteousness are NOT contradictory to each other. They go hand in hand. We simply can't extend grace to each other without also longing for righteous choices and lives. To do so would be to miss the point of grace. Desiring grace means also desiring righteousness. We want to be forgiven AND to grow and mature in our faith.

God's love is better than anything we can find in this world. And yet, time and time again we allow ourselves to be wooed by ridiculous substitutes--drinks in excess, sexual impurity, money, success at work. Over time, this continual choice of the world over God turns us into enemies of God.

I choose God and His grace. I choose for my life to look more like Jesus's and less like the world. I choose righteousness.



Sunday, January 06, 2008

Authenticity and Grace

This weekend I saw the movie Juno, and I highly recommend you go see it. It's funny and touching and just wonderfully quirky. In a scene towards the end of the movie, the main character, Juno (16 and pregnant) has this conversation with her Dad:

Juno: I need to know that it's possible for two people to stay happy together forever.

Juno's Dad (Mr. MacGuff): Look, in my opinion the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly who you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you. The right person is still going to think the sun shines out of your ass. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with.

I realize that perhaps isn't the most eloquent piece of love advice a father has ever given his daughter, but I like it. It's a question I seem to continually struggle with--can two people really make a relationship work forever?

You see, it's all about being real. It seems so much of our lives we play this giant game, pretending to be whatever we think people want us to be in order to earn respect, become successful, and even to find love.

And how sad. Because, if our relationships aren't authentic, then why bother? I'm definitely no relationship expert; and when it comes to love, my track record is not too great-but, I've learned that pretending to be something I'm not doesn't work; that not being completely honest about my feelings doesn't create a lasting relationship.

The thing is, a relationship that lasts, I'm beginning to realize, is going to be hard, and sometimes awkward or uncomfortable.

And we have to be ok with the uncomfortable, frustrating, and at times annoying moments (i.e. dating a Bengals' fan during a Steelers playoff game) in exchange for a relationship that has a shot at being able to last.

It's hard for me. I want to be perfect. I want to be the ideal girlfriend, who is never annoying or needy. And I want my relationship to be perfect as well--romantic dates where everything goes smoothly, dinners where the food always turns out well, time spent together where no one is ever in a bad mood, etc.

But, that's impossible and nothing is ever perfect. Dinners get burned, perfect dates go awry, I have crazy moments, I get frustrated. It's life. We are human. So, I think our best chance of having a relationship that lasts and, more importantly, that grows is to be real and honest, particularly when it's awkward and hard.

And of course add in a LOT of grace and forgiveness.

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Merry Christmas

I realize I've had about a two month hiatus from blog world. It's amazing how fast time moves. And I'm sitting here today in disbelief that Christmas Day is nearly over, as is 2007. Where did the time go? I mean, really, it seems like yesterday I was starting a new job in Dayton and now I am living in Cincinnati, 8 months into a completely different job.

It honestly feels like the older I get, the quicker time moves. I drove into Toledo Saturday morning and now I am sitting here preparing for work on Thursday because, well, time flew by once again.

It's nothing new. Everybody feels this way I'm sure. Parents see it in the way a newborn transforms into a little person seemingly overnight. I'm just consumed by thoughts of not wanting to waste time. Things happen so fast and we all get so busy; we barely have time to sit and think--and when we do, we are just planning for what is next.

I long to honor time and make memories, instead of just rushing through to the next thing--the next event--the next stage of life. I know I have said this 100 times, but I desire to be in the moment, and not always analyzing and plotting for what is to come.

One of the reasons this has been a wonderful Christmas season for me is because Steve and I decided early on to spend Christmas doing things and spending time together; rather than buying lavish gifts for each other that carry little sentiment. I feel like we really made memories this season and were in the moment during the time we spent together--and that far outweighs any gift he could have bought for me...(although, I must say, the thought behind his Christmas presents to me was quite touching.)

So, I guess my "goal" or resolution or whatever you want to call it for 2008 is to not be in such a rush. And maybe to try to be less stressed out about work...that'd be good too :-)