fantasy v. reality

I've just finished watching Season 3 of Lost. I should've been in bed an hour ago because I have to get to work super early tomorrow to try to find a parking spot downtown prior to the Opening Day Parade shutting down all the parking lots.

But, instead, I can't stop thinking about the show. I can't stop thinking that for most of the people on the island, there really isn't anything for them to return to anyway. I'm not really even sure why they want to be rescued at this point. In some ways, the island is a fantasy much better than real life for most of the characters.

Who knows what this show is about, but it sort of struck me tonight--this contrast between fantasy and reality. Is the fantasy always better? Is the harshness and struggle of reality worth it simply because it's real? Is it better to dream about what might be, but will never actually be or to fight through what is and have hope it can be better?

Yea, I don't know. All I know is Lost leaves me with more questions than any show I've ever watched! 

Happy Opening Day! We get to dress casually and get hot dogs for lunch! No complaints here :-)

Just Look Around

I was perusing the "items wanted" section on Craig's List last night because I'm trying to find someone who may need all the clothes I just purged from my closet and dresser, and came across this:

"I need cash work! I have a two year old daughter and we have been abandoned by my husband over a week ago. I have no way to pay my bills for April. I have many skills and I am available all shifts. I could do domestic chores, babysit, run errands, clerical work, and many other things. Please call...I also need windows, headlights and taillights...My husband busted out all the windows before he left"

Now, I understand you may be skeptical. I am always skeptical of people asking for money. But, either way, it's clear this woman is hurting and desperate. 

I saw several other ads while looking on the website. The thing is, we are all surrounded by people who have needs--not just financial needs, but deeper needs. Odds are every day you encounter someone who is desperately longing to be loved and cared about. 

Reading this ad was just a reminder to me that I am called to be aware that humanity is longing to be loved. And as a follower of Christ, I am called to do just that--to not just look the other way or wait for someone else to help people; but, instead to share our stories so that others may learn hope. 

So, today I am going to keep my eyes open to people who are broken, hurting and in a low place in their life who need a friend--not just my money or stuff. I'm guessing I won't have to look too far.

In other news...let's say you're playing a game of jeopardy. The category requires the word "red" to be in the Answer. The clue is "debit's opposite." Would you accept "creditor" as an answer or is "credit" the only correct answer?

Can you tell I lost to Steve in Jeopardy again last night? :-/

work work work

It's no secret work's been very busy as of late. Foreclosures are at an all time high, and Ohio is one of the leading states for number of foreclosures in the country. In January, I committed myself to try to find a routine that worked for me finding peace between work and life outside work. I plugged away at my little schedule I constructed for myself, but little by little, I've allowed the structure I set up fall away.

I don't think it's bad to work a lot of hours, or to be into your work. But, I do think it's bad when I start finding myself getting super sensitive to everything...and when I realize I'm being extremely sarcastic (more-so than usual!) to the point it comes across as very very negative. And I really only get like this when I'm exhausted and stressed out. 

I get so frustrated with myself when I'm stressed out because I have a short temper, I complain way too much, and overall I'm not pleasant to be around. It's all very selfish.  I don't want to be one of those people who uses work as an excuse to be curt with others and generally, be an overall jerk. I don't want to use work as an excuse to being late for stuff.

This is my life. And no amount of money or judgments in my client's favor is going to heal the relationships that suffer when I allow myself to become obsessive about work. And it's hard because I'm new at this, so things don't come as easily to me as they might in 5 years.  But that obsession with work leads to lots of stress...and that extreme stress leads to me, well, being pretty much a jerk.  And, for sure, when I am a nervous wreck, I'm not at all available for God to use me. I know God put this job in my lap--there's no way around it. Working so much is completely futile if I'm engaging in it alone, and apart from God's involvement.

If God doesn't build the house, the builders only build shacks.

If God doesn't guard the city, 

the night watchman might as well nap.

It's useless to rise early and go to bed late,

and work your worried fingers to the bone.

Don't you know he enjoys 

giving rest to those he loves?

-Psalm 127:1-2, The Message

Anyway...here's to summer being around the corner, vacation, and most of all grace. I'll never be perfect, but I can be more alert to the potential harm work/stress can have on my life. 

In the meantime, I think it might be time to start scheduling weekly massages... :-)

Sacrifice

I got to thinking that today, Good Friday, is really a reminder of sacrifice. Today we remember Jesus's death on the cross--a death that destroyed the barrier of sin that previously prevented us from being in a relationship with God. Ultimately, this sacrifice is about love.

Today is a good reminder for me that loving people means sacrificing--my time, my money, my life. I wonder how my life would be different if I remembered that to love means to sacrifice. I wonder how my relationships would be different if I put others' needs before my own; if I stopped hoarding God's love, and instead let it pour out to every person I met.

I think in the end it's about being selfless--forgoing the selfish desire to be the "best Christian" and instead choosing to show love by sacrificing. What if your small group was more about how you could love the people around you who don't know God instead of being a place where you obsess about the things you need to do to be a better Christian?  I'm think we truly understand and experience the magnitude of Jesus's sacrifice for us, when we begin showing the world God's love by sacrificing for it.

Today reminds me that I spend way too much time thinking about myself, about my failures and shortcomings as a Christian. Today reminds me of the call to live a sacrificial life because God loves me--and living sacrificially is so natural if we genuinely are experiencing God's love and are allowing ourselves to be transformed by it.

Have a Happy Easter!

I Win...I Lose.

In court this past Wednesday, I ran into a person with whom I went to law school. Immediately, the conversation went from "nice to see you" to "So, what firm are you working for?" and "How many attorneys are there?" and, "What neighborhood are you living in?"  

It's amazing how the answers to these questions sort of define how "successful" I'd become in this person's eyes. I was thinking to myself this weekend how important appearances can become to us. They can be almost dangerous--getting caught up in meaningless games to ensure we come off as the most successful, the prettiest, the most different...whatever that thing is. 

I like to think I don't get caught up in stuff like that. I mean, I follow Jesus, right? But, I found myself wanting this person to know my firm had over 70 lawyers. I was glad I wore my nice black pinstripe suit, instead of the cheaper-looking brown one I almost wore that day (I'm not kidding...I wish I were). And not because I wanted to seem attractive; but, because I wanted to look successful and appear to be making so much money I could afford nice suits (which is definitely not true!). 

So, even though I'm extremely stressed out, I work too much on the weekends, complain to whoever will listen about how hard my job is--at that moment, I had to brag about my "success" so that I could win the little career game between someone I went to school with for three years. PATHETIC. 

That is definitely not freedom. Jesus offers something radically different than the little games we play in this world, constantly competing with each other--building facades of success or the perfect family or relationship, when inside we are messed up. We are frightened of what people would think if they knew what we really thought. Even the best of us harbor feelings of hatred, lust, pride--all kinds of junk only God can deal with. 

I'm glad I had that random encounter. It highlighted for me how easy it is to fall into the games the world plays--how easy it is to want to fool people around us with appearances, and hide the pain and junk inside. But, we can't hide from God. God knows, and we can't fake behavior or our lives to impress Him. 

What a wonderful, freeing feeling to live solely for God...and not for appearances or games. This is my new passion--I want to quit playing games. I want to let God fix the inside so that what others see on the outside isn't hypocrisy, but something radically different.