I've always been accutely aware of my mortality. I remember being very young and having an understanding that eventually every living thing on this Earth would die. Morbid, right? It has always kind of freaked me out how fragile life is. Crazy tragedies happen every day. Incurable diseases can strike at any moment.
But, of course, I have hope. Jesus promises eternal life. I know as a Christian, heaven should provide an immense amount of comfort. But, sometimes it doesn't. (gasp!). Belief and trust have never just come naturally for me. Maybe they did when I was a small child, but I prefer to know things or to have them proven to me with logical arguments and LOTS of evidence in support of those arguments.
It's hard for me to grasp what heaven is--clounds and angels and sunshine all day long? Doubtful. I generally conceptualize heaven as the place or time where I finally am in direct communion with God-no more worrying, no more anguish in this broken world, no more fear. I like that--but again--what does that really look like or feel like. I have no clue!
The other side of this, for me, is that I like this life. I prefer not to think of this world as a waiting room for heaven- a place that I have to survive and get through until God decides it's time for me to go to heaven. The Kingdom of God is now, right? We don't have to wait to die to experience it.
I wonder, too, how heaven can be this place where there is no brokenness or despair when close family or friends aren't there with us. Today my mom is having surgery to remove what the doctors hope is the rest of the skin cancer on her nose. Now, I realize this is likely not a kind of cancer that will kill my mother. But, this surgery kind of further confirmed for me her mortality. I HATE thinking about my parents dying. But, I hate it even moreso because I don't know what will happen to them once they die. My parents were baptized when they were babies, but I am pretty sure they would not consider themselves Christians--though, maybe Christmas and Easter Christians.
And while I will never know what is in their heart of hearts or what they communicate (or don't communicate) with God, I can't help but wonder at what or how heaven can really be heaven without those we love.
I'm not writing this to scare myself into trying to persuade my parents to know Jesus personally. God does not need me to do any of that. But, I am convinced I need to do more with my life, with my calling from God to share the hope that I have with others. I no longer have to fear death and see it as the end. That is the scariest tragedy of all--someone dying without ever knowing real Hope.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment