Listen and Repeat.

I have been playing this song on repeat for like a week now. It's so cute...and who knows, maybe if you hang out at Taza, you'll fall in love at a coffee shop!

I think that possibly, maybe I'm falling for you.
Yes there's a chance that I've fallen quite hard over you.
I've seen the paths that your eyes wander down,
I want to come too.

I think that possibly, maybe I'm falling for you

No one understands me, quite like you do,
Through all of the shadowy corners of me.

I never knew just what it was about this old coffee shop
I love so much.
All of the while, I never knew.
I never knew just what it was about this old coffee shop
I love so much.
All of the while, I never knew.

I think that possibly, maybe I'm falling for you.
Yes there's a chance that I've fallen quite hard over you.

I've seen the waters that make your eyes shine,
Now I'm shining too.

Because, oh because,
I've fallen quite hard over you.

If I didn't know you, I'd rather not know.
If I couldn't have you, I'd rather be alone.

I never knew just what it was about this old coffee shop
I love so much.
All of the while, I never knew.
I never knew just what it was about this old coffee shop
I love so much.
All of the while, I never knew.

All of the while, all of the while,
And it's you.

-Falling in Love at a Coffee Shop, Landon Pigg

Home

I worked late today--not because I necessarily had to, but more because I wanted to free up Thursday and Friday. (note-I have most likely now jinxed myself so that I will have to work late both Thursday and Friday)

There is this amazing feeling of coming home after being away for a long time. I left the house at 7:30AM in the freezing cold, dark sky and pulled in the driveway--er parked in the street in front of my house--at 6:40 PM (still dark and cold) and just felt this incredible relief. HOME--yes! Time to relax, read, put on my comfy slippers and drink a glass of wine--not necessarily in that order.

A week or so ago, I was talking with my good friend Jana, and she was chatting about how she finally realized she would always struggle with insecurity, etc. We were basically thinking that no matter what, as human beings we will perpetually be "figuring it out"--which can be frustrating.

I can only imagine what it feels like to go to heaven. The relief it must be to finally be home--in a place where insecurity is gone, faith is affirmed, eternal happiness...just seems incredible, doesn't it?

SNOW!

About a half hour ago, I walked outside to go for a run to find a Winter Wonderland on the ground! Ok, it was only about an inch or so...but there is something really pretty about snow that has yet to be disturbed by footprints, tire tracks, or um animals. It was so sparkly!

I don't normally feel that way about snow (especially considering I now have to run after work and who knows what the drive has in store for me), but I was struck by how beautiful it was at 6 a.m.

**And I think we might get some more on Thursday! (time to learn the bus routes to work...)

I think I Flirt Too Much

4-6You're cheating on God. If all you want is your own way, flirting with the world every chance you get, you end up enemies of God and his way. And do you suppose God doesn't care? The proverb has it that "he's a fiercely jealous lover." And what he gives in love is far better than anything else you'll find. It's common knowledge that "God goes against the willful proud; God gives grace to the willing humble.
James 4:4-6 The Message

I've been fascinated with James recently. In fact, I think I've read the entire book three days in a row. For a while now, I've struggled with the fact that my life doesn't look that much different from a non-Christian. I don't give more financially than non-Christians (probably less), I don't live with a sense of peace (in fact, usually I seem to carry around stress wherever I go), I drink too much, I am not overly kinder than non-Christians, etc.

But, I believe in Jesus. And if I believe as I say I do, my actions (the outward expressions of my faith) must look different. Otherwise, I'm living as a false Christian--full of pretty things to say, backed up by very little real transformation.

James makes it pretty clear--we have a choice to make--a choice between friendship with God or friendship with the world. And choosing one means not choosing the other-you can't have it both ways. Being friends with the world means you are an enemy of God. Choosing friendship with the world is to choose a life that is in direct conflict with God's will. It is to choose a life full of human ambition, reckless decisions, and dangerous consequences.

I love the Message version of this passage because it paints God as a jealous lover. God wants us completely. We can't choose a little of God and a little of the world-it is an exclusive choice.

I know that every unhealthy relationship I've been in began with casual flirting. Flirting that I believed was harmless, that over time, developed into relationships. And those broken and messed up relationships that began with just a little casual flirting, lead to insecurities and other consequences that still affect me today.

This is not to say that we can't make mistakes or that to choose God means to choose a life of rules and boredom. But, how can we honestly believe that Jesus's death saved us from God's judgment and not desire and long for righteousness?

I believe our lives and actions should reflect that we believe in God's grace and in turn, a life that desires righteousness. Grace and righteousness are NOT contradictory to each other. They go hand in hand. We simply can't extend grace to each other without also longing for righteous choices and lives. To do so would be to miss the point of grace. Desiring grace means also desiring righteousness. We want to be forgiven AND to grow and mature in our faith.

God's love is better than anything we can find in this world. And yet, time and time again we allow ourselves to be wooed by ridiculous substitutes--drinks in excess, sexual impurity, money, success at work. Over time, this continual choice of the world over God turns us into enemies of God.

I choose God and His grace. I choose for my life to look more like Jesus's and less like the world. I choose righteousness.

Authenticity and Grace

This weekend I saw the movie Juno, and I highly recommend you go see it. It's funny and touching and just wonderfully quirky. In a scene towards the end of the movie, the main character, Juno (16 and pregnant) has this conversation with her Dad:

Juno: I need to know that it's possible for two people to stay happy together forever.

Juno's Dad (Mr. MacGuff): Look, in my opinion the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly who you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you. The right person is still going to think the sun shines out of your ass. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with.

I realize that perhaps isn't the most eloquent piece of love advice a father has ever given his daughter, but I like it. It's a question I seem to continually struggle with--can two people really make a relationship work forever?

You see, it's all about being real. It seems so much of our lives we play this giant game, pretending to be whatever we think people want us to be in order to earn respect, become successful, and even to find love.

And how sad. Because, if our relationships aren't authentic, then why bother? I'm definitely no relationship expert; and when it comes to love, my track record is not too great-but, I've learned that pretending to be something I'm not doesn't work; that not being completely honest about my feelings doesn't create a lasting relationship.

The thing is, a relationship that lasts, I'm beginning to realize, is going to be hard, and sometimes awkward or uncomfortable.

And we have to be ok with the uncomfortable, frustrating, and at times annoying moments (i.e. dating a Bengals' fan during a Steelers playoff game) in exchange for a relationship that has a shot at being able to last.

It's hard for me. I want to be perfect. I want to be the ideal girlfriend, who is never annoying or needy. And I want my relationship to be perfect as well--romantic dates where everything goes smoothly, dinners where the food always turns out well, time spent together where no one is ever in a bad mood, etc.

But, that's impossible and nothing is ever perfect. Dinners get burned, perfect dates go awry, I have crazy moments, I get frustrated. It's life. We are human. So, I think our best chance of having a relationship that lasts and, more importantly, that grows is to be real and honest, particularly when it's awkward and hard.

And of course add in a LOT of grace and forgiveness.