POWER

8When Pilate heard this, he was even more afraid, 9and he went back inside the palace. "Where do you come from?" he asked Jesus, but Jesus gave him no answer. 10"Do you refuse to speak to me?" Pilate said. "Don't you realize I have power either to free you or to crucify you?"

11Jesus answered, "You would have no power over me if it were not given to you from above. Therefore the one who handed me over to you is guilty of a greater sin."
-John 19:8-11

We all have power. Whether it's holding a certain amount of influence over the friends we hang out with, or being in a managerial position at work, or being a coach of a team, or having a lot of money--even if we don't fully realize it, we all have power.

Recently, I have felt very convicted that God has given me a certain amount of power as an attorney. And I feel like I am squandering that power in my current job. Attorneys have so much influence in our world--members of boards, serving the community through Legal Aid or pro bono work, political positions, foundational work. Nearly every individual will come into contact with an attorney at some point in his/her life--whether it's to create a will, file taxes, file for divorce, bring a personal injury lawsuit, get a contract drafted, you get the picture.

When I think of the multitude of people I could come across and meet, and more importantly serve, it's kind of exciting. But, where I am now, I sit in an office, do research, and maybe come into contact with a handful of my colleagues. And it's not cutting it. Professionally, I don't feel fulfilled. Spiritually, I feel like I am wasting away the power God has entrusted to me with my position.

I think it's really cool to realize you have power, that you have the ability to make a difference. But, now that I've realized that power, I think it's time to utilize it. Jesus used his power to help and protect the powerless--and I think on some level, I have the ability to do that as an attorney. However, it's not really going to get done until I get out there and take part--and trade in a safe/secure job for one that provides me with more opportunities to leverage the power entrusted to me to help the powerless.

Not sure if that made any sense...but it's just been on my heart :-)

A Single Girl's Sometimes-es...

Sometimes…

i wonder if i will ever be a wife
i love being single

i crave attention from men
i feel like bait in a sea of sharks

i am flattered when a guy likes me, even if i don’t like him
i hate the game
i play hard to get
i love to flirt

i want to hold hands and take a walk at night
i dream about going out to dinner with a man and driving back in the same car together to the home we share

i think men suck and are big fat liars

i think i should care more about my appearance
i am so incredibly vain

i want a man to think i look attractive in my favorite old school green sweat pants with OHHS on the butt
i love wearing my black cocktail dress, with high heels, and fancy jewelry

i am not sure guys and girls can really be friends

i like my peep-toe black pumps better than the last guy i dated

i hold a baby and wonder if i'll ever have one of my own
i hold a baby and wonder if i would have any clue what to do as a mother

i wish Matt Damon would just come to his senses and marry me already
i think i will marry the man who hands me my Tim Horton’s everyday because i love how he calls me “miss” while he says “here’s the good stuff”

i wish there were more men who were passionate about their mission in life, rather than about finding a wife or getting laid
i wish men would communicate more with words and speech, rather than texts, email, and myspace messages

i hate awkward conversations in-person and would rather send an email

i am scared to death of forever
i want to be somebody’s “the one” and have him really mean it

the truth comes out

So I listened to this talk last night by Erwin McManus and while the talk was pretty decent, I thought I would share what I considered to be the deepest point of wisdom...

All single guys are essentially jerks.

how true.

a prayer for encouragement

God of our life, there are days when the burdens we carry chafe our shoulders and weigh us down; when the road seems dreary and endless, the skies grey and threatening; when our lives have no music in them, and our hearts are lonely, and our souls have lost their courage. Flood the path with light, run our eyes to where the skies are full of promise; tune our hearts to brave music; give us the sense of comradeship with heroes and saints of every age; and so quicken our spirits that we may be able to encourage the souls of all who journey with us on the road of life, to Your honour and glory.

-Saint Augustine

My Take on The Holiday

I've found almost everything ever written about love to be true. Shakespeare said "Journeys end in lovers meeting." What an extraordinary thought. Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I am more than willing to believe Shakespeare had. I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives. It was Shakespeare who also said "love is blind". Now that is something I know to be true. For some quite inexplicably, love fades; for others love is simply lost. But then of course love can also be found, even if just for the night. And then, there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. Its called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space! Yes, you are looking at one such individual. And I have willingly loved that man for over three miserable years! The absolute worst years of my life! The worst Christmas', the worst Birthday's, New Years Eve's brought in by tears and valium. These years that I have been in love have been the darkest days of my life. All because I've been cursed by being in love with a man who does not and will not love me back.

-Iris, The Holiday


Have you ever loved somebody who didn't love you back? I have and it SUCKS. I spent nearly 2 years believing someone who had fallen in love with me (and fallen out of love with me) would suddenly want me back. We'd go back and forth, back and forth...and it was just such a waste!

We've got to get past wanting somebody so badly it becomes desperation. We've got to stop making excuses for men (or women) who fail to pursue us, but linger around enough to keep us interested. We have to stop waiting for them to become the men we think they can be....or wish they were. We have to discover that chasing after a man who's not chasing you, is well, worthless...and a waste of our precious time.

It's hard though. We get infatuated and caught up in the whirlwind. We see past the bad things this individual does as soon as he does something sweet. One considerate moment covers 100 inconsiderate ones.

But, I believe, ladies...we are created to be pursued and chased after. I don't want to be the one seeking...I want to be the one being sought.

And maybe that means I will be dateless, or maybe that means men will be intimidated by me...but it sure beats engaging in a one-sided love affair, pining after a someone who hardly thinks of me.

Besides, if by next Christmas I'm still single, I'm doing a house swap with someone in England and will meet my own version of the surprisingly-hot-and-sweet-Jude Law in this movie :-)

10 Good Things

1. I rediscovered ambition this weekend (inspired by a friend who tells it like it is and a GAP shirt that said bo(red) and made me think of my current job)
2. Billy Joel '07--$100 dollar seats for $15
3. Ending Friday night with a sandwich from Panini's--can't beat a sandwich that includes a fried egg and french fries on it
4. Stealing a Book It certificate from my sister and forging my niece's name (it has to be a student!) on it to get myself a free personal pan pizza from Pizza Hut for dinner Sunday night.
5. There was still snow on the ground in Cleveland...but there isn't here!
6. The Holiday -- go rent it. It is awesome.
7. Shun. Unshun. Reshun. If you don't get it--shame on you.
8. I owe $0 on my city of Sylvania taxes...the first time ever not owing city taxes!
9. Warm weather is coming
10. Making the trip back from Cleveland in less than 3.5 hours and no speeding ticket! :-)

Cleve-land Rocks!

So I leave for Cleveland after a short 4 hour work day today and all I can think is THANK GOD. Ever feel like you just need to get away? This little weekend excursion could not have been better timed. So here's to a great weekend with my college roomie and hopefully no snow in the land of the worst team in the NFL...


TGIF and Have a great weekend (including a scare-free Friday the 13th) :-)

God is Love

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8Love never fails.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8


I once gave a talk at a Young Life club about God's love. I used this passage because I figured most of the people listening had probably heard it before. It must be the most used passage at weddings ever (absolutely no statistical data to back that up). I brought up the way we throw around the phrase "unconditional love" here in this world to describe the love between a wife and a husband or a parent and a child. And then concluded that since none of us (or our relationships) are failure-free, or patient, or always kind, and never boasting, etc...that maybe that's why it's so hard to grasp that God is love. Because we can't picture and haven't experienced a love that has never failed, never been jealous (or rude) or especially never kept a record of wrongs.

I believe there is no pure unconditional love in this world. All our relationships and emotions are tied to conditions and circumstances. While we may get glimpses of unconditional love—perhaps in seeing a healthy couple who is in love, or a parent’s love for a child—I don’t think anyone can point out a loving relationship that isn’t at some level conditional.

We are loved/accepted if we are intelligent, work hard, achieve success or wealth, are honest and considerate, etc. We are not loved or accepted if we cheat on a significant other, for example. We live in this world where we try and try to keep our mistakes and failures hidden for fear that those around us will dislike us. Our reputation is everything. And our reputation is determined by our actions—the way we live our lives. It’s this constant balancing act—between messing up and trying to earn back respect and affirmation from others.

When we live like this, which I think to some degree we all do (it seems impossible not to), our lives become a roller coaster. Up and down, up and down, success and failure, success and failure. Someone criticizes us—we get depressed or pissed off; someone praises our success—we are happy and excited. But, all the while, we are constantly trying to get that “high” feeling by satisfying some condition of love.

Just like on a roller coaster, I get sick trying to consistently meet the world's conditions and win approval and respect. Those dramatic changes in emotions leave me feeling worn out, and inevitably like a failure, because I know that even if I’ve impressed someone, just around the corner another mistake will surely come and I will have to start all over again.

So, I have to ask myself why I so strongly seek to be loved unconditionally by the world, when I know that it’s impossible. Instead of ditching the balancing act and the roller coaster ride in favor of receiving God’s unconditional love, I seem addicted to the highs and lows; and consumed by meeting every condition the world throws my way.

God never withholds his love. Never. And I think on some level I don’t race to those outstretched arms because I feel I don’t deserve that love. I haven’t earned it. I am so wrapped up in the world’s standards, it is nonsensical to me that God would love me no matter how many times I’ve done dishonest things, or hurt others, or failed miserably. It just doesn’t seem right.

But, seriously, how can we ever experience freedom while setting up camp on the world’s roller coaster?

I need a spring break.

Remember when you were a kid and your biggest worry was, like, if you'd get a bike for your birthday or if you'd get to eat cookies for breakfast? Being an adult? Totally overrated. I mean seriously, don't be fooled by all the hot shoes and the great sex and the no parents anywhere telling you what to do. Adulthood is responsibility. Responsibility, it really does suck. Really, really sucks. Adults have to be places and do things and earn a living and pay the rent. And if you're training to be a surgeon, holding a human heart in your hands, hello? Talk about responsibility. Kind of makes bikes and cookies look really, really good, doesn't it? The scariest part about responsibility? When you screw up and let it slip right through your fingers.

-Meredith Grey, Grey's Anatomy

ever wish you could take a break from responsibilities and meetings and the junk that eats up time?

LizzyB on compassion...

So a week or so back, something happened to me. It involved some dishonesty, relationship issues and the like. Details are left out to protect the guilty :) (i'm kidding)

I started to wonder why I wasn't more upset at what this person had done to this other person. And it hit me--I had done practically the same thing about two years ago. I wasn't angry because I figured if he had gotten to that point, thing were probably pretty messed up in his life. I had this rare glimpse of what I think is meant by compassion.

I feel sorry for people often--the way that you maybe pity a person who is begging on the streets--a distant, far off kind of sympathy. When I was young, my mom used to tell me I had a bleeding heart (I remember thinking how scary that sounded...for a while I really thought something was wrong with me.). I would always want to give poor people spare change, or send money to the orphanages that were advertised on television. I remember during one canned food drive at school, I wiped out our pantry...I think I even took in the evaporated milk. My mom thought I was nuts (and was pretty pissed off). But, I've always felt sorry for those less fortunate than I am.

I think compassion is different than pity. I think compassion is a feeling of understanding that we are all so messed up and broken. Realizing that our relationships get torn apart, we do crazy things, hurt people all in a desperate attempt to heal our brokenness. It's universal, it's human.

Compassion is up close and personal because brokenness is universal. We realize that we are all one step away from self destruction. We have compassion for others because we know our lives are messy, are filled with heartaches, and failed dreams. We have compassion for others because we've hurt people too, because we've made terrible decisions with awful consequences. We have compassion for others because we, too, carry the burden of being human, of wanting to make wiser choices, and yet, still making poor ones. Compassion is knowing that any turn of events could put us in the same circumstances as our neighbor--that our lives are really not that different, that our defensive responses, and self-preserving attitudes are the same.

So maybe we live in a bigger house (or smaller one), or drive a nice car, or have a fancy title at the end of our name (esq. :-))...we are still human, we still need a Savior every day. And our human-ness is what unites us, and what commands us to be compassionate. We recognize ourselves in the struggles of others, in the success and failures of others, in the attempts to fix and control things ourselves, in the ways we long for acceptance, in our desire for lasting relationships, and in our longing for love.

This whole idea of compassion has just really hit me recently. For me, it means cutting people some slack, not being so quick to pass judgment. Because, honestly, chances are good I've done the same thing, or will at some point. I can be just as cruel, as joyful, as deceptive, and as whatever-else as the next person. We are all so broken and we act in ways that protect ourselves. And the brokenness that we all share creates the space for compassion. It's not about feeling sorry for people, but instead recognizing how desperately we need Jesus.

The entire law is summed up in a single command: "love your neighbor as yourself." If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.
-Galatians 6:14

Happy Easter!

Matthew 28:1-10

The Resurrection

1After the Sabbath, at dawn on the first day of the week, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went to look at the tomb.

2There was a violent earthquake, for an angel of the Lord came down from heaven and, going to the tomb, rolled back the stone and sat on it. 3His appearance was like lightning, and his clothes were white as snow. 4The guards were so afraid of him that they shook and became like dead men.

5The angel said to the women, "Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. 6He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. 7Then go quickly and tell his disciples: 'He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him.' Now I have told you."

8So the women hurried away from the tomb, afraid yet filled with joy, and ran to tell his disciples. 9Suddenly Jesus met them. "Greetings," he said. They came to him, clasped his feet and worshiped him. 10Then Jesus said to them, "Do not be afraid. Go and tell my brothers to go to Galilee; there they will see me."

I hope your Easter is filled with jelly beans (the black ones are awesome), Peter cotton tail, Easter lilies, brunch, maybe some ham, family time, easter egg hunts, reflection, joy, that fake grass that seems to get stuck to everything, an overflowing Easter basket, colored eggs, chocolate bunnies, and all things sugar-coated and wonderful.

Ways to Repel Men II

Never Let the Guy Win

I'm very competitive. I like to win, usually at all costs (which may or may not involve cheating...just kidding !). I once dated a guy and somehow we ended up going head to head in a swimming race. I even let him borrow my goggles and I still won...and instead of thinking, "wow, Liz is a fast swimmer," he just said, you are ruthless about winning. (may have had something to do with me cutting him off at the end and me making us keep score while watching jeopardy ;) ) Needless to say, I hurt his pride and we didn't go out again after that!

So, once in a while ladies...let the guy win (even if you have to milk it)

What a Concept

Revolutionary Christians are not insensitive to what motivates others, but they evaluate what they see and hear around them in the light of their own vision. They are happy and glad to have people listen to them but are not out to form groups around themselves. No cliques can grow up around them, for they attach themselves exclusively to no human being. What they say and do has a convincing ring and even a self-evident truth, but they force their opinions on no one and are not annoyed when someone doesn't adopt their opinion or doesn't do as they wish.

In everything, these revolutionaries seem to have a concrete and living goal in mind, the realization of which is of vital importance. Yet a great inner freedom is maintained in light of this goal...They are careful and cautious, certainly not reckless, and yet it comes out at every turn that they count their own lives as of secondary importance. They don't live merely to hold out but to work for a new world, the outlines of which they see and which appeal to them so much that even the fear of death no longer has a decisive power over them.

-Henri J.M. Nouwen

i want to be a revolutionary...but can a human ever fit this? can we look beyond the traditions, the norm, comfort, security? can a new world appeal to me more than the world in which i live--the world i see and experience daily? can we let go of our fears of not being accepted, of not achieving notoriety, of not calling the shots?

New Office Thursday

Thank God.

I'm Scared!

Ok, so in August I will be 26 years old. And yet, tonight I have gotten myself so worked up and scared. I am home alone for the week (nothing new) and I decided I would clean my room, change the sheets, switch out my winter wardrobe in exchange for the summer stuff, and basically get organized instead of going out.

All was well...then I started watching Dateline on TV. It was all about this abduction and murder of this woman who was home alone and other scary stuff. Now, I am too afraid to take my dog out. (ok not really)...but i definitely had to get something out of my car and sprinted back inside all the while imagining someone chasing after me!

Clearly, I have issues. And tonight, I am afraid of the dark (and whomever might be lurking therein) :-)

Now that all the lights are turned on and all the locks are secure (and my 12 pound dog is guarding the front window), I am putting in Notting Hill and hopefully falling asleep to a mindless romantic comedy :-)

Basically the female Tiger Woods

So 3 friends of mine at work and myself decided to form a golf foursome for the summer. Our first scramble is May 12 at 7:30 AM (yikes). I am so excited!

I am also sorely out of practice. I have not played golf since 2005. The bar exam kind of got in the way last summer.

We decided the nice thing about getting the shaft (pun intended) schedule-wise is we can play a round of golf once in a while before work...and get the cheap weekday greens' fees. Thrilling. :-)

Between finding a hot caddy (kidding) and purchasing a new golf wardrobe (again, joking) I have a lot do to before May 12!

Anybody know where any driving ranges are? :-)

Where's Home?

Andrew Largeman: You know that point in your life when you realize that the house that you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of the sudden even though you have some place where you can put your stuff that idea of home is gone.

Sam: I still feel at home in my house.

Andrew Largeman: You'll see when you move out it just sort of happens one day one day and it's just gone. And you can never get it back. It's like you get homesick for a place that doesn't exist. I mean it's like this rite of passage, you know. You won't have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for you kids, for the family you start, it's like a cycle or something. I miss the idea of it. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people who miss the same imaginary place.

-Garden State

This past weekend I went home to Toledo. I feel like I'm in this weird place in my life where I have no "home." I mean I have a place I live and then I have my childhood home. But neither really feels like home.

I'm not sure what I expected when I arrived home. My bedroom no longer pays homage to my high school/college athlete days. The awards have been taken down. My pictures have been replaced. A new bedspread covers the bed that I used to sleep in. There is now a nice flat screen television on the shelves where my school books used to be (and seriously mom and dad? you wait until I leave to put a sweet tv in my room??) The drawers in my dresser are practically empty and my closet is now home to the overflow from my parent's closet. My bedroom is now an office/guest room.

It's not like I don't have a place to stay, and it's not like I don't feel welcome. It just doesn't feel like my home anymore. And don't get me wrong, I love going home and I love my parents. I guess part of me just thought when I moved out, time would kind of stand still at home. But, things keep going. My parents don't just sit around waiting for me to return. They have their own lives and I have mine. It's just weird getting older. And I'm sure most people deal with this detachment from home when they are younger than I am, more like when they graduate college or something. But, I loved living at home during law school.

When I moved in August I cried on my drive down here, leaving my home and my parents. And each time since then that I've been back to Toledo, I've teared up as I drive away. This time, though, I didn't. And the fact that I didn't get a little teared up made me sad! (I'm a nut...I know.)

And now it seems like that place just doesn't exist anymore. I guess I just miss living in a place where I feel like part of a family.

Happy Bday!

Happy Birthday Holly Welsh!!

Now you can finally join the rest of us in passing the quarter century landmark.

I can't wait to celebrate in two weeks :-)

Ways to Repel Men: Part I

Keep a set of car seats in your backseat.

I am at the gym Monday night, and actually meet a guy who is nice and cute and I'm sure, perfect in every way. So we walk out to our cars together (I know, how romantic) and I'm guessing he's about to ask me for my number. I'm thinking how glad I am that I cleaned out my car over the weekend because he's peering in while we're chatting. And then...he spots two car seats in my backseat that I left in there after driving my niece and nephew around this weekend. And he bolts so fast I don't even get the chance to say hey those aren't for my kids!

Then I laughed...I mean, really? I swear this kind of stuff only happens to me.

My Prayer Life

You still feel bitter because people weren't grateful for something you gave them, you still feel jealous of those who are better paid than you are, you still want to take revenge on someone who didn't respect you, you are still disappointed that you've received no letter, still angry because someone didn't smile when you walked by. You live through it; you live along with it as though it didn't really bother you...until the moment you want to pray. Then everything returns: the bitterness, the hate, the jealousy, the disappointment, and the desire for revenge. But, these feelings are not just there; you clutch them in your hands as if they were treasures you didn't want to part with. You sit rummaging in all that old sourness as if you can't do without it, as if in giving it up, you would lose your very self.
-Henri J.M. Nouwen

Exactly 6 months ago, I challenged myself to pray for 10 minutes a day. I literally set my cell phone alarm the first few days because I discovered I had no concept of how long 10 minutes really was. Maybe to you this seems a little weird, or maybe you think 10 minutes could never be enough time to speak a deep, heart felt prayer to God. Maybe you think it's nuts to set up a rigid, set amount of time for prayer. But, let me provide some context.

Like any relationship, my relationship with God has had its own, unique ups and downs. And with that, my prayer life has kind of had its own ebb and flow. When I first became a Christian, I had a very formulaic way of praying--1. Tell God how much I loved Him and how amazing He was 2. Confess how rotten I was and all the bad things I had done 3. Thank God for forgiving me and for making the flowers and the trees (ok kidding) 4. Lift up my laundry list of prayers. I would write down each request in my little journal, and then jot down what happened and how God "answered" my prayer. I'm not saying this was bad at all. But, it wasn't very natural.

In college, my prayer life became more natural. I prayed a lot. I wrote long, detailed journal entries where I would be praying and wrestling with difficult questions and truly seeking answers. My faith grew. It was good. Then my world crashed. I completely hit rock bottom (I'm not going into that here). My prayers became desperate pleas for God to change circumstances, for God to explain Himself, for God to make things fair. I felt like God was punishing me, like he had abandoned me.

God became a distant relative, not my Father. My relationship with God was hurting. I was thoroughly confused. And I spent my time in law school avoiding the issue, finding cheap substitutes, and trying to figure out why the heck I felt so far from a God I knew in my heart loved me. During this time, my prayers consisted of, again, desperate pleas to "fix" things after I would mess stuff up. I remember praying things like "God, I know life isn't supposed to be like this. What is wrong with me? Why did you make me like this--so weak?" But, I did nothing to take steps toward Him. I held on to my resentment and pain and used it to build a wall between myself and God. The hurtful experiences defined me. I was afraid to let them go for fear that somehow, I would lose myself.

Last May, as I was preparing for the Bar exam, I decided enough was enough. The cheap substitutes were just that. I committed to studying my butt off (check!), and to letting go of all the anger, resentment, and jealousy that had created this huge void between me and God. I prayed hard this summer for change. (And if you know me, I don't love change...so that was huge for me :)) I prayed for God to restore the excitement and passion for Jesus I had once claimed so strongly. And He did.

So, back to my 10 min prayer deal. I opted for this rather rigid, disciplined route because my relationship with God needed to be mended. I needed to restore my trust, to learn to relinquish control (definitely have not mastered that), to accept/truly believe that the abundant life God is giving me is way better than anything I can/could create for myself. By requiring 10 minutes of myself, I gave myself the opportunity to be changed. Even if those 10 minutes consisted of me explaining to God how much I doubted my ability to surrender control, or how annoyed I was at my circumstances, or whatever, it was 10 minutes spent with God.

A relationship isn't going to grow or, in my case, mend if I refuse to communicate with the other person. And this is where prayer gets tricky...because sometimes it can honestly feel like you are communicating to God with no response, which can be frustrating.

Now don't get me wrong. If you are around me at all, you know I can be quite cynical, and am not exactly "bitter-free." But, I am 100 times closer than I was a year ago. And I desire to continue moving in the right direction.

6 months later and I am amazed. I cried this morning reading this reflection on prayer by Nouwen. Slowly, God has taken the things I gripped so tightly and shook them lose from my hands. And I realize that the future will bring many more "things" that I will want to hold onto and let define me. But, I really believe that through consistent, honest prayer, God can step in before my grip gets so tight that it takes years to loosen it.

I think prayer is hard. It's scary to be honest and real with all the junk that consumes us. At least it is for me. I don't get into fake, flowery prayer. My time would be better spent watching The Office. But, when we aren't afraid to surrender the crap, the hurt, the guilt, and whatever else and just let God have it, I think then we can experience freedom.

Don't be afraid of the One who wants to enter your most intimate space and invite you to let go of what you are clinging to so anxiously. Don't be afraid to offer your hate, bitterness, disappointment, to the One who is love and only love. Even if you know you have little to show, don't be afraid to let it be seen.
-Henri J.M. Nouwen

p.s. thank God for some cancelled meetings at work this morning so I had time to post :)

Signs of the Apocalypse

1. My dog got invited to a birthday party. Not me, my dog. I wonder if I can just drop her off the way you drop off kids to a birthday party. Hmm.

2. Two Justin Timberlake songs have made their way into my running mix.

3. I got asked out on a date via telephone today at work based solely upon my voice being "the most pleasant voice I have ever heard." I have never met this person. If you have ever heard me speak...you may understand why this seems so strange on like 500 levels.

4. I paid $5 for a 4 pack of toilet paper. And no, this is not the triple roll pack. This is your basic Quilted Northern 4 pack. Ridiculous.

5. At the grocery store tonight, I saw a guy sporting a pink, one-size-too-small t-shirt and instead of making fun of him, I checked him out, and decided he was hot.

I mean, seriously, what is the world coming to? :)

Thank God spring is here!

Good TV Tonight

Today I am plugging Friday Night Lights. It's on at 8PM on Wednesday on NBC. It's awesome. You should watch it.

Here are two clips that are indicative of the kind of show this is...one showing Coach Taylor (love him) giving some fatherly advice to his teenage daughter, Julie, and another showing some competitive, tough Texas high school football (love that as well).

Give it a shot...I think you will be pleasantly surprised :)





Kinda makes me miss Friday night football games during high school :)

Gym Etiquette

At the risk of writing two very complain-ish posts in a row, I feel the need to provide some guidance to men at the gym. The gym to which I belonged in Lakewood had a "ladies only" room. A room where women could lift weights away from the wandering eyes, nasty grunting, and "macho" music blaring in the regular free weights area--an area occupied mostly by men. While I worked out there, I thought it was ridiculous that there was a women's side and a men's side. Separate but equal is unconstitutional, right?

I was wrong.

Generally, I work out in the morning before work, but on Mondays, I hit up the gym after work to lift and it is probably the most crowded the gym ever gets. There is a waiting list for treadmills, it's sickeningly hot when you walk in the door, and the free weight area is over populated with the i-can't-touch-my-finger-to-my-face-because-my-bicep-is-so-big types. I tell you what, I miss the ladies weight room.

It's like there's some kind of sexist, unwritten rule that women can use the cardio equipment, the circuit machines, but NOT the free weights. That's male domain...women out. Or, if you want to take the risk of venturing into the man territory, you have to accept that you will be subjected to stares and workout "advice" from most of the men back there. It's completely ridiculous.

So, men, here's 8 pieces of advice for proper gym etiquette.

1. Grunting does not make you appear stronger. Stop putting on the act.
2. Doing 4 reps of extremely heaving weights and then walking around for 10 minutes "resting" and still occupying a bench with your towel is ridiculous: not only are you a bench hog, but you aren't doing that much for your muscles either.
3.I was a college athlete. I know how to lift. I do not need your "tips" on how to get the most out of my lunges, or the newest protein shake. If I want exercise tips, I will get a subscription to Shape magazine.
4. If you sweat all over a bench, for goodness sake, clean it off. I think people would appreciate not having to be exposed to whatever infectious diseases you may be carrying.
5. Throwing down your weights in order to make a loud sound after your set of reps does not make you appear stronger. See number 1.
6. Just because you use the mirror to check out women instead of turning and looking at them doesn't mean we can't see you. You are not sly.
7. After doing your 1 set of 4 reps with 300 lbs on the bench press, it'd be nice if you would remove the weights. It'd be nice to get a workout from actually doing my routine, rather than from moving around other people's weights.
8. Just because you look in the mirror to check out your muscles doesn't mean we can't see you checking yourself out. See number 6.

Ok, I'm done now. No more complaining :)

No Summer Nights for Me

I'm frustrated. Maybe that's not the right word... I found out last week that I was misled previously when I thought I wouldn't have to work later hours at work. Come late May, I will start work at 2PM, which means I won't be done until 10 or 11PM. I think I'm so frustrated because the duration of this exciting shift will be the entire summer. I'm totally bummed.

See, the thing is, this change could potentially be just fine. I will have time in the morning to run, maybe even spend an hour or two at the pool. I will have more down time at work to work towards a promotion. Besides, it's still only 5 days a week, I will still have plenty of free evenings. And by the fall, I will likely have put in my time at the later shift and can move back up...but there's just something about summer evenings I will miss. Nighttime bbqs, playing cornhole while the sun goes down, walking my dog at dusk...I love summer, but I feel like working this late I am going to be missing out or something.

I realize this is not that crazy and I am making a big deal about nothing...but

Anyone know where I can get a teaching license and a job before summer starts ? :)

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

So I woke up early to go to this ORRRC 5K for St. Patty's Day and it was freezing! 26 degrees with a wind chill of 13...brrr! I ended up 1st in my age group...woohoo and received the sweetest trophy ever!!





Now it's time for a nap and then to enjoy all things green, or something like that. :)

Download it

This is kind of piggybacking on my post earlier this week. (I love that I just used the term piggybacking)

I LOVE this song. I think the perfect relationship I desire might involve two people who support each other, two people who are independent of each other, but still protect and shelter each other through all the junk the world slings their way...and in the process, motivate each other to live out their respective missions and callings in life.

Shelter

I guess you don't need it
I guess you don't want me to repeat it
But everything I have to give I'll give to you
It's not like we planned it
You tried to stay, but you could not stand it
To see me shut down slow
as though it was an easy thing to do
Listen when
All of this around us'll fall over
I tell you what we're gonna do
You will shelter me my love
And I will shelter you
I will shelter you
I left you heartbroken, but not until those very words were spoken
Has anybody ever made such a fool out of you
It's hard to believe it
Even as my eyes do see it
The very things that make you live are killing you
Listen when all of this around us'll fall over
I tell you what we're gonna do
You will shelter me my love
I will shelter you
Listen when
All of this around us'll fall over
I tell you what we're gonna do
Hey you will shelter me my love
I will shelter you
If you shelter me too
I will shelter you
I will shelter you

-Ray LaMontagne

Thunderstorms!

So tonight there is a big chance of thunderstorms...and I LOVE it. One of my favorite things is to fall asleep to rain and thunderstorms...with the lightening flashing all night. It's awesome.

I found this video of a thunderstorm...the video isn't that great, but the sounds are amazing. I seriously might start playing this while I sleep on repeat ;)

Feel Good List II

It's definitely time for another feel good list...especially after Tuesday's weather!

1. Near 80 degree weather! And no rain, no clouds, just sunshine!
2. Getting out of work at 2PM on Tuesday so I could enjoy the awesome weather (ok, so I have to go in early on Thursday for "team" day...but still)
3. Maple Brown Sugar Frosted Mini Wheats--just bought them Sunday and they are amazing (especially soggy)
4. My dog recovering from her $130 dollar injury...poor girl.
5. The ergonomic-ization of my office! New chair, new furniture all around....I have never been so comfy at work!
6. Roller skating (nope, not rollerblading) for the first time since like 5th grade (and 6 year olds were faster, more skilled, and less fearful)
7. Running my daily 5 in shorts and outside...felt so good!!
8. A surprise RAISE at work...YAY!
9. Trying Skyline dip (with cool ranch doritos) for the first time...and loving it
10. Late night dog walk and it was still 70 degrees out!

When Men Were Men

This past Friday night, I watched 300, a movie about 300 Spartan warriors taking on the massive Persian army. (And I must give thanks that I even had a seat to sit in to Steve Fuller who fought tooth and nail so that 10 of us could sit together, and attribute the company with whom I got to sit to Steve Bragg for sacrificing sitting with the group because we were a chair short--props to both) The Spartan men had one calling in life--to be tough, fight-to-the-death soldiers who defended their country at all costs. Nothing stood in the way of their mission--not the temptations of money, or power, or women. Nothing. These men were real men. Tough (I don't think any of the men had any kind of shirt on the entire movie), brave, and completely focused on what their role was in their kingdom--being soldiers of Sparta.

I promise this relates...but I love the show Friday Night Lights (8PM NBC, seriously, DVR it). One of the reasons I am addicted to it is the head football coach. He is an awesome father, totally devoted husband, and a tough, successful football coach. I watch the show and I'm thinking--now there's a real man. He calls out other men when they aren't living up to being great husbands and dads. He protects his daughter, honors his wife. And, yet, he is confident and takes charge of situations when he needs to.

Sometimes I feel like there are not enough "real" men out there. I mean I know these are fictional representations, but is it completely ridiculous to desire these traits in men? Do we have to compromise strength and confidence to meet a guy who's not a complete jerk? And as women, can we become less dependent on relationships and men in order to allow men to be strong enough to live out their own mission?

By far my favorite scene in 300 is where King Leonidas is leaving Sparta to go fight the Persians, and his wife tells him to come back with his shield or not at all (meaning die a glorified death living out your mission in life--being a Spartan warrior--or come back with a victory). She isn't sappy, doesn't cry and beg him to come back alive for her sake or her son's sake. She supports him to do his thing, to get done what he's supposed to get done and to fulfill his duty in life. She doesn't stand in his way, she pushes him on and while he's away, she works her butt off to try to find even more support for her husband's mission...and that is awesome.

That is what I want. A man who has a mission in his life and a passion for actually doing it. And I would love to be the kind of woman who could see past my own insecurities and encourage him to do what he's called to do...to be a real man.

p.s. Happy Birthday Steve Fuller!

ESCAPE

Yesterday on the Today Show, which I watch while I get ready in the morning, there was a feature story that followed the lives of those individuals who had won the lottery. The story can be found here. It was pretty incredible the trouble these people got into after their wealth increased infinitely. More interesting, though, was that these people kept reiterating that the money didn't really change their state of happiness. The money just created other, sometimes worse, problems.

I have really been on a kick recently about really trying hard to be content, no matter the circumstances, to try to stop worrying about where I should be and focus on living where I am, now, today. So easily I become defined by my circumstances. For instance, in law school I was always too busy to do anything. My life wasn't settled yet because I didn't have my degree, so I felt like it was ok to have everything kind of hang in limbo, without committing to anything seriously.

I had a great conversation with a good friend on my way home from Cincinnati last night and we were kind of chatting about finding an ideal place to live, and joked how it could never be Ohio. I kept thinking how often when I get tired of the "circumstances" of my life, I am so ready to escape. Go somewhere else, try something new.

I think it's scary to be content in our circumstances. We are trained by society and our parents to always want more, to never be satisfied, that we somehow deserve more. It's hard not to feel like I am letting myself down by being satisfied where I am. This is the perfectionist in me, I suppose. It's no wonder it's so difficult to live for God in the mundane, in the day to day things we do and places we frequent daily because we seem to wait for some earth-shattering opportunity or some big event to share our faith. But, most of us aren't going to have some momentous occasion to do that. And how many opportunities do we let slip away waiting for that? Waiting to do something the next time, to treat someone to coffee another day, to wait to have a conversation that is "meaningful" rather than friendly chit chat... More and more I just really believe that life changing and "momentous" things happen by loving people just during our day to day lives--unplanned, unedited, and kind of confusing at times.

It's definitely something that I feel convicted about...especially considering how often I want to escape to something new! :) (or someplace new rather, with warm sandy beaches and a cloudless sky...rolling waves...)

Why I Became a Lawyer...Or Something

When I was in college, I was involved in a violent robbery. Ok, that didn't sound quite right. I wasn't perpetrating the robbery...but, I was held up. And it's a good story. So, settle in, grab a beverage, and enjoy ;)

I was 19 years old. My summer job from the time I was 16 until 22 was as a lifeguard at the Stone Oak Country Club. It was a cake job. I won't even begin to describe how perfect that job was here...but, if I could ever go back in time, going back to those summers spent at that pool would rank very high on my "places to visit with the time machine" list.

Anyway, that sumer I decided to pick up a second job at our local video store in the evenings for extra cash. (That was back when I actually saved money.) The Video Connection on Central Ave. was quite the job. Free videos, minimal work. There were some downsides. It was open till midnight, which meant some nights I came home late. There was also an 18 and over room. And each night, that room had to be restocked. SICK! But, yes, it was part of my job. The two workers who closed had to restock all the videos (including the porn room) and count out the money for deposit in the morning.

It was a typical evening at the video store and Kevin (name changed so I don't get sued for defamation/ libel or whatever other tort might be thought up) and I were getting ready to close. At about 1030, he had popped in the Kevin Costner classic, Robin Hood. We finally locked up the store and I agreed to restock the adult video room because I thought I might get out earlier than having to count the money.

I grabbed the videos, headed to the back. Once I was inside, careless throwing videos wherever so I could spend as little time as possible in there, I heard this huge crash. I thought for sure Kevin had knocked over one of the televisions that sat behind the counter. I ran out and yelled "Kevin, what'd you do" but my words were cut short.

Right before me, there were two masked men (kid you not) who had busted through the glass doors with hammers, holding up Kevin demanding the money. Instantly, I figured this was how I was going to die. Shot up at the local Video Connection.

So what did I do? I did what anybody who has watched enough NYPD Blue to learn a thing or two about robberies would do. I put my hands in the air and froze behind the racks of videos and prayed the masked men didn't see me. The entire time the robbery took place, Bryan Adams's Everything I Do I Do it For You serenaded the event while the credits rolled for the movie.

And apparently they didn't see me. I didn't die, or get shot up. They took the money, and ran. (And got caught on the Ohio Turnpike at a Denny's eating, after having left a trail along the Turnpike just like Hansel and Gretel. Seriously, criminals are idiots.) But, by far, it was the scariest experience of my life. I was completely freaked out driving home.

But, in the end, I was so grateful I was restocking those nasty videos! Who knows how things could have been different if I were the one counting the money! You won't ever hear me condemning porn movies--they nearly saved my life! (kidding--don't freak out)

That's my story. After that, I wanted the bad guys put away. So I went to law school. And now I I'm a research attorney in an office all day. It all adds up, right?

I am a Tax Genius!

My sister doubted my tax preparation skills because, in her words, "I don't know Liz, you're my sister, I just don't think you're smart enough to do them."

So, this past weekend she went out and bought tax software. And guess what? I actually found $6 more dollars for her friend MY WAY! SO THERE, TURBO TAX!

Just think what you can do with $6...3 coffees at Starbucks, a Chipotle burrito, a movie ticket (if you go at like 10AM), 6 diet dr. peppers from the vending machine at work...I mean really the possibilities are endless...

They don't put Esq. after my name for nothin'!

When the New Wears Off

Is there such thing as "happily ever after"? I am feeling more friendly toward the opposite sex than I was maybe 2 months ago...but, I still am clueless as ever. I think my problem is how does the passion ever last beyond the infatuation stage? I mean can you really deny that a lot of the fun of dating/relationships is the "getting to know you" phase. It's exciting, it's new, it's fun, kind of awkward, but thrilling too.

One of my biggest fears, maybe the biggest, is that I will end up in a marriage devoid of passion. As much as I desire somebody with whom to share my life, it seems worthless if we aren't crazy about each other. Is this impossible? I mean does anybody really fall deeper in love with their spouse as time goes on? I guess I'm just not around relationships like that very often.

Instead, I see marriages where spouses can't communicate, and the very behaviors that they used to think were cute, now infuriate them. The romance fizzles and routine sets in. This has happened to me in relationships that lasted 2 years, let alone a lifetime! And, honestly, when relationships get to that point, it just seems to me to be the breeding ground for cheating and other kinds of dishonesty. We like the comfort of a relationship, but don't want the work to maintain a certain level of passion.

Relationships are hard work, to be sure, but I think it would be awesome to keep the excitement even after the "new-ness" wears off. And maybe someday I'll eat my words (when I'm still living alone at 40 with my dog), but I don't think I want it any other way.

NO RACE

So because of all the rain this past week and the expected cold temps (which makes the roads icy) tomorrow, my race is rescheduled for April 1!

Looks like somebody gets to sleep in tomorrow :)

New Shoes!

Seriously, is there anything much better than new running shoes??!!! 10 Miler Race on Sunday...hopefully my new shoes will bring me luck ! :)

No Regrets...Or Not

Isn't it funny how often you hear people say "no regrets" like it's the philosophy of their life? I mean can we ever really have no regrets? Usually the only time I've muttered those words is right before I do something I most certainly will regret.

But, I hear this phrase thrown around all the time. I definitely don't think dwelling on mistakes is healthy or anything. But, even if you feel like you've learned a lot from your mistakes/experiences, you have to at least regret the times you've hurt other people. Maybe this is just the perfectionist in me, but I just can't live with no regrets. There are things I shouldn't have done, decisions I should/could have made differently.

I completely believe, though, that moving forward is important. Being positive is important. But, to me, "no regrets" is like a "who cares" approach to life. And, well, I care.

Would You Rather 16

Some people are great cooks. Some people love to experiment in the kitchen. Some people wish they were great cooks. And, some people don't know a skillet from a sauce pan, and don't care to.

I am getting better at cooking. But, usually if it' s just me, I am making eggs or a frozen dinner because it takes no time. It seems like a waste to make a big meal just for myself. More and more, though, I am finding it fun to make food for other people. A year ago, I could barely make anything that required more skill than wrapping a baked potato and popping it in the oven.

So, how are your cooking skills? Can you make gourmet dishes, or do you just like eating them?

Would you rather make dinner for someone else OR have someone else make you dinner?

p.s. feel better Jana!

Help! I've Fallen and I Can't Get Up

I am a clutz. I am pretty sure I fall more than the average person. Yesterday morning the temperature was about freezing. I just assumed with all the melting that had been going on, there wouldn't be any slick spots. I was wrong. To try to get out of the way of an oncoming bus, I leaped over this huge snow mound only to land on a slippery puddle of black ice. Of course, I crashed to the ground, right on my knee, and I have a nasty bruise. Three high school kids witnessed my fall while waiting at their bus stop...it was pretty humiliating. One boy did ask if I was alright and offered to help me up...but I was so embarrassed!
Anyway, I finished my run and thought about how many times I've fallen...it's ridiculous. So I made a little Top 5 of the best stories. Enjoy ;)

My Top 5 Craziest Falls
1. Last August--running out to the garage to get a popsicle, slipped on a rug, broke my foot

2. Senior year of college crossing Beall Ave., cars stopped, I trip, book bag comes flying over my head, slamming my head into the street.

3. Junior year of high school--on crutches for a stress fracture, decide to use them to go down a friend's basement steps, end up with a concussion. My guy friend's words right before I head down "Liz, are you sure you can get down there ok?"

4. Mountain biking with my Dad, sophomore year of high school--while taking a sharp turn I realize there is a bee on my arm, I freak out, lose control of my bike and plummet. Sliced up my arm, probably should have had stitches, but my Dad made me finish the bike ride. Then he only let me get out of swim practice for one day because "the chlorine is the best thing for bad cuts like that." My dad is a teacher, clearly not a doctor.

5. Senior year of college--using the treadmill on the cruise boat. The guy using it before me hops off, I hop on--only to realize he never stopped the treadmill. So I go flying off into the elipticals, and end up with a nasty burn/bruise/cut all over my leg and stomach. Looked great in the bikini.

I mean, seriously, this is just a highlight of the funniest, most ridiculous falls...not even counting all the childhood injuries, all the times I fell during cross country races, or practices. Holly, I think you might be right...skiing really might be out of the question ;)

As You Wish

I am very proud of myself. I have successfully convinced my niece and nephew to love The Princess Bride. In fact, when they spent the night this weekend, they watched it twice! (They even had to wait for it to rewind because I only have it on VHS....and they marveled at how long it took--made me feel old.) The best part was that after the movie they decided to play Princess Bride. So my nephew played Westley and my niece was Princess Buttercup. At one point, I heard my nephew pretend to roll down a hill, calling out "aaaaas youuuu wiiiiiish." It was AWESOME :) It's just a sweet, funny, wonderful movie...and I love it.

(This is not my favorite scene...but YouTube didn't have very much :) )

Fridays Rule

My sister had two days of conferences with teachers. From what I understand, one day was dedicated to poetry and she was shocked at how many of the teachers complained how much they hated teaching/reading poetry. I hypothesized that the teachers didn't like poetry because they didn't understand it.

I think it's interesting that we can instantly be negative towards something simply because we don't understand it. For instance, for a while I've been fed up with my job because I am in the bankruptcy/tax area and it's hard for me. It's hard because it's complex and difficult to understand. So instead of trying to learn everything I can, I instantly say things like "tax law sucks."

But anyways...I thought this was funny. My sister, in front of all these teachers, reads this poem she wrote about ME:

My sister is like a dirty martini,
At first she is hard to take, and burns.
With no frills.
But, later, you'll be wanting more.

NICE....my sister, the poet.

Anyways, TGIF everybody:)

This Little Light of Mine

14"You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. 15Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. 16In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.

Matthew 5:14-16

Something amazing happened this week. I won't be able to articulate everything, but here's the gist. Recently, I've been struggling with what my "purpose" is here. I've been asking questions like why do I work where I work, why do I drive down to Cincinnati two or three times a week, why do live with my sister, why do I drive a Saturn, why why why!? Life just seems so random sometimes. But on Tuesday night, I feel like something clicked.

I have been praying pretty diligently for some insight from God as to why I am in this location, what I am doing here, what I should be doing, etc. I feel like I am at a point in my life where the momentum seems to be stopping. No more graudations, first roomates, first jobs, etc. I was driving back from Cincinnati on Sunday night and I felt bored and fed up with the same old routine. (and this is only month 6 of "adult" life)

However, I feel really fired up about some things I've been reading/listening to and learning from this week. Jesus provides insight on what our purpose is in Matthew 5:14-16. No matter where we are located, no matter what our circumstances, our purpose is to be lights to the world.

One thing that specifically struck me is the concept that we are "strategically placed" where we are. What if we stopped thinking that life is so random, and started living like there is a purpose for us being where we are? At work, or at the gym, or at the bar, or wherever we are... What if we stopped waiting for the perfect job or the perfect church to serve in or the perfect relationship or perfect state of contentment before we started doing and letting our light shine?

So, whether we are in a location we love or in one we are frustrated with, our purpose is the same. And I think realizing that purpose kind of grounds me. It keeps me from making decisions that relate only to my immediate state of happiness or unhappiness, as it may be--decisions that potentially will create emotional baggage or bad consequences down the road. I've definitely made decisions before that were primarily based on alleviating feelings of unhappiness or insecurity. And they definitely have/had consequences that seem to linger around.

If we keep to ourselves, feel a connection/devotion/conviction internally, but refuse to actually do anything externally, well, then I really believe we will feel constant discontent. And while a change, perhaps to a new job or a new geographic location or a new group of friends or a new significant other, might provide some momentum for a while, inevitably, until we seize our purpose , we will never be truly content.

Now, the question becomes what do I do to live out this purpose in a way that reflects God, rather than a way that just says to the world I am a nice person who does nice things? That seems tricky at first glance. I think this question is definitely worth investigating...and I'm open to suggestions :)

Would You Rather 15

"You're the worst kind. You're high maintenance but you think you're low maintenance."
-Harry Burns, When Harry Met Sally

a two-parter...one for the ladies and one for the guys:

So, ladies, would you rather be with (define "be with" as you will...date/marry/whatev) the bold, confident guy who will potentially be an arrogant jerk OR the shy, nice guy, who might be less likely to sweep you off your feet, but more likely to not stomp all over your heart?

And guys, would you rather be with the high maintenance lady with lots of needs OR the low maintenance type who is rather independent and doesn't need you to solve all her problems?

I Don't Want to Be an Adult

J.M. Barrie: Young boys should never be sent to bed... they always wake up a day older.

I can't believe how fast time moves. I shudder at the thought of turning 26 in August. Where does the time go? It seems like the more my schedule gets filled with things like meetings and deadlines, the faster the time goes. Sometimes, it really seems like time just slips away to complex work projects and paying bills and doing laundry. So much do to, so little time...right? Is this how being a grown up is supposed to be?

I spent from 630 till 10 tonight doing taxes for people. This is like the third night I've done it. And, I'll tell you what, taxes suck.

Sometimes I really don't want to be an adult. I don't want responsibilities, I don't want to deal with work and relationships and cooking and cleaning.

I love Finding Neverland . It's one of my favorite movies. And I agree with J.M. Barrie... sometimes I wish I could stop time and not have to wake up a day older! :)

Entitled

5The apostles said to the Lord, "Increase our faith!"

6He replied, "If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, 'Be uprooted and planted in the sea,' and it will obey you.

7"Suppose one of you had a servant plowing or looking after the sheep. Would he say to the servant when he comes in from the field, 'Come along now and sit down to eat'? 8Would he not rather say, 'Prepare my supper, get yourself ready and wait on me while I eat and drink; after that you may eat and drink'? 9Would he thank the servant because he did what he was told to do? 10 So you also, when you have done everything you were told to do, should say, 'We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty.' "
Luke 17:5-10

When I graduated law school, I believed I was entitled to a good job, because, well, I had attended school for 7 years, studied hard, and passed the Bar exam. I deserved the security of a good job. By the world's standards, a good job was my reward for working hard in school.

Feelings of entitlement totally creep in my life. I start thinking like, hey God, I’m being obedient, so when do I get my reward? It’s so hard to distinguish being obedient to God from the world’s focus on entitlement for doing the "right" things."

Jesus makes it pretty clear that we are servants to the end. And unworthy servants at that. So I go to church, so I participate in an outreach, so I try to have meaningful relationships with people at work, so I try to listen for God’s call…so what! Living out my faith in my life does not entitle me to anything. This is my duty. We are all called to full time ministry. So why do we think we deserve more for sometimes doing what we should be doing anyway?

Wooster Riot

OK so I went to this little, liberal arts, division III school in Wooster, Ohio. Not much happens in Wooster. But, on Valentine's Day, 3 students were arrested and, from what I hear, one was tazered after the Wooster police and campus security blew a college tradition way out of proportion. You can read the story of their arrests here.

One of the main academic buildings on campus is called Kauke. At its center, is Kauke Arch. Students pass through the Arch during graduation...it's a special landmark. There is a tradition that if the arch can be filled with snow, then the school will have to cancel classes. So, every year, students gather together and use buckets and trash cans to try to fill the arch with as much snow as possible. The task lasts well into the night. Somehow the students never seem to get cold....go figure. Explanation of the tradition can be found here.

Apparently, on Wednesday night, students were gathered, filling the arch per usual, and campus security, unaware of the tradition (which makes no sense to me) decided there was a riot going on and called the Wooster city police and the state highway patrol. So the officers treat the incident like a riot, barricading students away and brandishing stun guns. I can imagine the scene...and oh, it makes me wish I were in college again.

Many of the students youtube'd the incident after they video'd it with their cell phones. (In fact, you can hear the Wooster bagpipers serenading the event in the background...AWESOME!) After the police came out and tried to disperse the crowd, the dean of students came and basically said campus security screwed up by calling the Wooster police. The students cheered and all was well.

Except for the students who were arrested. Hopefully, they've contacted a good lawyer, perhaps an alum ;-) (I can't believe that was my first thought after I heard about this whole incident...law school has tainted me forever)


(In this video, you can actually hear the bagpipers in the background)

Michael is so Wise

Michael: So suck on that!

The Office rules.

Sickening

I was all ready to write a blog about how busy work was today because so few people showed up...but then I checked cnn.com... and read this unbelievable story about a man who shot up a mall on Valentine's Day.

Sometimes, most times I guess, I really don't get this world.

The Day of Love

So is everybody wearing pink and red today to work? I miss living at home. During law school, on Valentine's Day, my Dad would always leave roses and these gourmet treats from this local bakery on the kitchen table for me before I would leave for school or work. He is the best.

This year, my sister made me this little heart cake...it's pretty adorable:)

Well, here's my contribution to this holiday :) : a list of my top 5 love songs, and, if you're in a not-so-lovey kind of mood today, my top 5 break up songs. Download them. They are great! (My list is subject to change...I had a super hard time limiting it to 5)

Top 5 Love Songs
1. To Make You Feel You My Love (Bob Dylan)
2. Have I Told You Lately That I Love You? (Van Morrison)
3. Shelter (Ray LaMontagne)
4. You Make Me Feel Like a Natural Woman (Carole King, acoustic version)
5. When You Say Nothing at All (Alison Krauss)

Top 5 Break Up Songs
1. Nothing Compares to You (Sinead O'Connor)
2. You Give Love a Bad Name (Bon Jovi)
3. You Can Go Your Own Way (Fleetwood Mac)
4. You Oughta Know (Alanis Morissette)
5. I Will Survive (Gloria Gainer)

Happy Valentine's Day!

To Catch (Or Not to Catch) a Predator

About two weeks ago, NBC aired another episode of the racy series, To Catch a Predator. I'm sure you have heard of the show, but the basic premise is that this group (Perverted Justice) joins a chat room, acting as a pre-teen, and engages in some kind of sexual conversation (which is too racy to show on tv) that ends up with some kind of meet up planned between the older man and the minor. When the man shows up, the cameras are rolling, there to capture the man right when he realizes he has been set up. It's disgusting. The show has caught teachers, pastors, youth group leaders, doctors, coaches, etc. They've aired the show from big cities and small, farm towns. It never fails. The men show up, plea for their identity not be revealed or try to escape or try to justify why they showed up. It's pathetic and uncomfortable. And for sure, pretty scary. I think the scariest part is that no matter where the NBC crews take their cameras, the men show up. And for all the men that show up, there are probably a number who agree to show up, but lose the nerve...

Here's the thing. I am not sure I agree with the show. There is a part of me that thinks it goes too far, crosses some sort of ethical line. I mean, isn't this entrapment? People would be pissed if television stations began set ups designed to encourage husbands to cheat. But, you say, this involves kids, it's different. Is it, though?

It's not that I feel sorry for these men. These men are sick. Sexual crimes are sick. I have a real problem believing that people who have these kind of issues can be "rehabilitated." I think it's nuts that the show makes a huge deal about catching these "predators" (who are invited over and seduced) and typically they are merely charged with attempt to solicit a minor, a small misdemeanor. Most of these men are probably humiliated for life, probably lose their jobs, and have to register as a sex offender or sexual predator, depending on the applicable state statute. For all the hype, the legal fallout is minimal. The humilation is much more of a punishment than the actual laws impose.

So, the question is, does this show go too far? How does charging these or other men with attempted solicitation of a minor reduce or prevent these men from desiring minors? I don't think it does. I believe in harsher punishments. I think if people are fairly charged, farily prosecuted, and fairly found guilty, the repercussions for sexual crimes should be strong and harsh. Instead of entrapping people, why doesn't Perverted Justice use its resources to prevent young children from entering chat rooms of a sexual nature...to create technology that requires more than an appropriate birth year to enter an adult chat room?

I'm sure that on some level this show deters people with this sexual propensity from actually meeting up with an underage person; but, does it stop the real issue? Does it prevent certain men from wanting to have sex with young girls? I think it just makes them a little more afraid of being caught, a little more careful, a little more secretive.

I just want to make it clear I am not supporting or defending these men. I think they are ill. But, does this show help solve the problem of how to rehabilitate these men? It seems to me, most of the change would be dependent upon their own willpower--which if it's anything like mine, would only last so long. But, I'm pretty sure deporting them all to a deserted island isn't an option...and I'm just not sure this "To Catch a Predator" series is the answer either.

Groundhogs don't know crap about weather.

A week from last Friday, Punxsutawney Phil didn't see his shadow, which is supposed to indicate an early spring.

I think Phil screwed up. According to weather.com, the high temps won't be getting out of the 20s in at least 10 days, and we are in store for another snow storm. Sweet. Sounds exactly like an early spring.

I'm ready for sandals.

Progress IS Great

I don't know how to parallel park. It takes me a long time to fit my car in, and even after that I usually am like 5 feet from the curb.

This morning, I was running on the treadmill and watched this ad. Now I just need to get a job that pays me enough $$ to afford a Lexus :)

Crazy Love

I just finished watching the last episode of Sex and the City. (I won't lie, it's one of my favorite series ever). But, part of me never really got how Carrie and Big ended up together. He was the guy she was completely obsessed with. Often, he treated her like a complete doormat, using her when he was feeling lonely and never really committing to her. He would show up whenever she began a new relationship just to make things messy. And each time he would show up, Carrie would go right back to him, and end up hurt again. Finally, in this last episode, he says she's "the one." Part of me wants to say Carrie you're nuts for being with him...but, then, we all know how it is when you are completely into someone.

There are so many things I don't understand. I'm completely willing to admit that I do not have all the answers (and to be honest, I have very few answers). So maybe you all lend me some insight on this one...What is it about relationships that gets us so crazy? Why do we feel so much security when somebody else likes us?

I was "crazy" in love once. Completely infatuated. Over the length of the relationship, other things in my life became less important. I began compromising friendships, myself, my faith, etc. in order to be with this person. It didn't matter what I had to do, I just didn't want to lose that feeling of being connected with somebody, of being loved by somebody, of being needed by somebody.

But, I propose fatal attractions, such as these, can never really last. What makes us lose confidence in ourselves and hang around in destructive relationships?

I never want to be "crazy" in love again. Don't get me wrong. I want passion, I want adventure, excitement. But, I don't want my worth, self-esteem, or mood to be determined by an unhealthy relationship. I think it's kind of why I'm so cautious/pensive about dating. I'm afraid of getting caught up in something like that again. I want to be encouraged and supported with my relationship with God. I think expectations should be high. Having a boyfriend just to have a boyfriend has lost any attractive-ness it may, if ever, have had to me.

I feel fairly certain God doesn't want me to end up in a relationship like that either...I just wish I could figure out why so many of us get caught up in them at some point...

Feel Good List

I am totally stealing this from Amulya...

Here's my Feel Good List from Thursday

1. Trying to run out super fast to start my car and falling down after slipping on my snowy front yard because it's so steep, in my robe with wet hair and my dog on her leash...I had to laugh.
2. Hearing "Suddenly I See" on the radio on my way to work...love that song right now
3. Being able to wear a hooded sweatshirt to work (and jeans)
4. An awesome phone call with a friend from my summer in Cleveland who might take a job at my work!
5. Pizza with Kate for din and Fig Newtons at lunch (they are awesome...don't knock 'em!)
6. Realizing I could be out of debt way sooner than I thought! (and still have money to live on during the week :-) )
7. Hot bath with Life of Pi
8. Freshly clean, super soft flannel sheets
9. Coming home to a completely shoveled driveway
10. Signing up for the Flying Pig and the Little Miami 10 Miler...let the racing season begin! (note to self: now would be a good time to get in shape...)

Would You Rather 14

Technology is the best. I love being able to send a quick email, or a text, or an IM. It's so much faster than playing phone tag or speaking in person. But, sometimes, it's so impersonal. I just finished watching the Sex and the City where Burger dumps Carrie by using a post-it note. It's just easier sometimes to not have to confront a person. Even though I'm a lawyer, I don't love confrontation--especially when it involves deep emotions, like love. I've ended one relationship by sending a novel-length email. I thought if I could just write everything I feel, and the reasons I wanted to end the relationship, a face to face meeting for "closure" would not have to take place. I was wrong. It's nice to be able to edit, re-think, and re-phrase your thoughts until they sound really good, make sense, and seem to articulate everything you want to express. But, even then, people still find ambiguity in the words...and still get hurt and offended, no matter how nice the words are. But, OH, the in-person-break-up is so awkward, and words don't come out right, and emotions are high, and there's the potential for tears (or worse yet getting back together because you feel bad--been there, done that)... I guess breaking up really is hard to do:)

So...Would you rather break up with somebody via email or in person?

Update

At work today, the entire campus (that is what you call a 7 building corp. apparently) shut down at 330. We were notified via email...only to be followed up with an email by our department boss telling us to disregard the memo because our dept never shuts down...

maybe you can guess my mood right now...

Snow Day!

So today at work I learned that there is no chance, no matter how bad the blizzard or how icy the roads, that the legal department at my work will ever close. In fact, two years ago when there was a bad snow storm, the company I work for sent out trucks to pick up employees. Wonderful. The hope of a snow day is over. There is nothing like when you are in school watching those schools run across the television screen and hoping for yours to be there. Two days in a row my sister, with whom I live, has had a snow day. I get so jealous, I'm practically mad. But, she is quick to remind me I chose my profession. So, while she is home sleeping in and drinking hot chocolate, I am at work trying to figure out bankruptcy, tax and wills (my assigned area of expertise, feeling totally clueless...grrr). I can't help but think, what was I thinking going to law school/!?!?!?!

Top 10 Reasons I should have been a teacher:

1. June, July, August
2. Snow days and delays
3. Shorter work days (though Katy denies this despite the calculations I did tonight)
4. My student loans would be about 90% less
5. Getting out so early and beating rush hour traffic
6. Friday happy hour with the staff (oh wait, that might be every job ;) )
7. Teacher appreciation breakfasts (in general, a lounge filled with food)
8. Gifts from students at Christmas
9. Being able to pop in a movie when you're tired
10. Spring break, Christmas break, and all national holidays OFF

If I could turn back time....;-)

These Are the Days

This week has been crazy. Crazy busy at work, learning about stuff I thought I'd never have to (but glad I am learning). Crazy late nights with not as much sleep as I'm used to (I'm so an 8 hours a night girl). Crazy cold weather. Crazy good runs. Crazy fun tv (Greys and The Office were awesome tonight). Crazy awesome conversations with new friends. Crazy Super Bowl party at work and team t-shirt day (Go Steelers).

I started this week kind of frustrated, confused, and I'm no less confused today. But, I'm hopeful. On New Years Day I made a resolution to seek out the abundant life--to stop living in the past and planning for the future and just live. Somewhere between then and this week, I started planning again...feeling behind on some abstract timeline created by who knows who. But, after Monday, I decided to wake up and really believe (or at least pray that I could believe) that God really can change the hardest of hearts, that people could become more open by giving them a smile in the hallway, by being more open myself, by being interested in lives other than my own. You see, sometimes I struggle with my own problems, my own shortcomings, and become so obsessed with fixing them before I can really do anything meaningful for anybody else. That somehow I have to become perfect before God can work through me.

This is not so. God can work through my doubt, my cynicism, my failures...but surely not as much when I am so self absorbed. Not that self-reflection is bad. I'm just saying...just because I can't do it all, doesn't mean I shouldn't do anything at all.

Goals are good. But, timelines and ridiculous expectations can keep me too selfish...and prevent so much good from happening... Living the abundant life means really living...now. Not planning for an elusive future, or waiting to become the perfect servant of God...it means doing my best where I am today, listening for God... loving others more and loving myself a little less...

I am reading this post and it is definitely a stream of consciousness...hope it makes a modicum of sense :)

This is one of my favorite songs ... and it's been on repeat on my ipod this week...

These Are the Days

These are the days
These are days you’ll remember
Never before and never since, I promise
Will the whole world be warm as this
And as you feel it,
You’ll know it’s true
That you are blessed and lucky
It’s true that you
Are touched by something
That will grow and bloom in you

These are days that you’ll remember
When May is rushing over you
With desire to be part of the miracles
You see in every hour
You’ll know it’s true
That you are blessed and lucky
It’s true that you are touched
By something that will grow and bloom in you

These are days
These are the days you might fill
With laughter until you break
These days you might feel
A shaft of light
Make its way across your face
And when you do
Then you’ll know how it was meant to be
See the signs and know their meaning
It's true
Then you’ll know how it was meant to be
Hear the signs and know they’re speaking
To you, to you

-10,000 Maniacs

Comic Relief

Putting how much you actually owe and spend a month down on paper is pretty scary. Especially if you are like me and you have never really kept track of what you spend, aside from calling the bank to make sure you aren't going to overdraft. Tonight I realized that I pay more for my student loans per month than I do for my car (though I do drive a Saturn:) ). I also almost wrecked that lovely Saturn twice today, but that's a story for another time. Humor is definitely in order. And I figure...if I don't get my finances organized now, well, I might just end up living in a van down by the river! ;-)