Record Breaking

The forecast today suggested Cincinnati might break the record for highest temperature. It got pretty hot. Although, to be honest, my office is freezing, so unless it's super hot in the morning when I'm walking in or in the evening when I'm leaving, I don't notice too much.

But, I'll tell you what...I am so ready for fall. I'm ready for chilly evenings, pumpkins, trick-or-treaters, throwing on a sweaters, the changing colors of leaves, not sweating while walking from my office to the courthouse, sitting outside on a chilly day with a pumpkin spice latte, and of course, candy corn. Fall is definitely my favorite season.

I think George Eliot said it best:

Delicious autumn! My very soul is wedded to it, and if I were a bird I would fly about the earth seeking the successive autumns.

A Fresh Perspective

A close family friend has been diagnosed with cancer. Cancer is such a generic word. But, this kind of cancer is very serious. It's rare and there isn't a standard course of treatment. So this man was given statistics and different prognoses depending on which treatment he and his doctor selected. It's a grave situation. While there is definitely reason to hope (the man is in amazing shape, the doctor has a lot of faith in the course of treatment he is undergoing, etc.), he is also facing what will likely be the hardest few months of his life.

Last week I was on my way to visit him at the hospital during his first cycle of treatment. The whole way there I kept thinking I didn't know what I would say. I didn't know how to seem hopeful without seeming trite and patronizing. And then I realized none of that mattered.

We started talking and he shocked me by saying "cancer started a new life for me." He continued talking about how he would probably never keep stuff again and that he has a whole new/different perspective on things. And so much that mattered to him a month ago just seemed ridiculous. When I left there, I felt like he had given me hope...not the other way around.

When I got home from the beach this past summer, I was committed to not just surviving my days, but actually living them. But it's funny how routine and schedules and stuff just gets in the way. All of a sudden I'm back to the same old and my life is being measured in meetings, money, success at work, and the same junk that is completely circumstantial.

What does it take for us to get it? Why is it so hard to be adventurous and say no to mere basic survival?

When I left the hospital, I couldn't help but think of this U2 song...I just don't want my life to constantly be measured and valued by things that are replaceable, perishable, breakable, etc...

Walk On
-U2

And love is not the easy thing
The only baggage you can bring...
And love is not the easy thing...
The only baggage you can bring
Is all that you can't leave behind

And if the darkness is to keep us apart
And if the daylight feels like it's a long way off
And if your glass heart should crack
And for a second you turn back
Oh no, be strong

Walk on, walk on
What you got they can’t steal it
No they can’t even feel it
Walk on, walk on...
Stay safe tonight

You're packing a suitcase for a place none of us has been
A place that has to be believed to be seen
You could have flown away
A singing bird in an open cage
Who will only fly, only fly for freedom

Walk on, walk on
What you've got they can't deny it
Can’t sell it, can’t buy it
Walk on, walk on
Stay safe tonight

And I know it aches
And your heart it breaks
And you can only take so much
Walk on, walk on

Home... hard to know what it is if you’ve never had one
Home... I can’t say where it is but I know I'm going home
That's where the hurt is

I know it aches
How your heart it breaks
And you can only take so much
Walk on, walk on

Leave it behind
You've got to leave it behind
All that you fashion
All that you make
All that you build
All that you break
All that you measure
All that you steal
All this you can leave behind
All that you reason
All that you sense
All that you speak
All you dress up
All that you scheme...

And I'm Back

So it's been over a month and I was all ready to post a blog only to find my entire template is gone! What in the world?!

I don't really get the new google templates. Why are there question marks next to the different months? It makes no sense. I'm going to try to play around with it...maybe I'll even get to post something tomorrow...but, for now, it's time for work. The 10 minute window between post run and shower is over. :-)

This Just In

The internet is kind of working...well it's working on Jana's computer, but not mine. Hopefully you aren't going through a withdrawal of sorts at me not being able to blog.

What a muggy morning! I feel like it's going to rain at any moment. I had a lovely tour of Clifton this morning on my 7 mile run, and I decided I love how the gaslights are on when it's dark. It's definitely a perk to being up that early. I think the fall is going to be gorgeous.

I have nothing organized to say. I need to get going for my 7 minute communte to work. Another perk--being able to drive on low fuel to work!

I'm very excited for what is in store...for what's coming. Preparation and anticipation are great, but so is just living every day, not merely existing...just being present and seizing opportunities. A year ago, I could not have imagined I'd be living in Clifton. I'm excited to see why God wanted me here. I'm excited for amazing things to happen. But, mostly, I'm just excited to live... be challenged, encourage others, face fears, and experience an adventure.

Living is no low-risk proposition. If life is an adventure, then danger is inherent to the journey. In the same way freedom and fear are great adversaries. How often have we surrendered our freedom under the weight of our fears? This is one of the main reasons we abdicate living for existing. As mundane and routine as it is, existing does provide for us a level of certainty, predictability, and safety. Freedom is wild and wide-open. It is filled with uncharterted territory and unmapped terrain.
-Erwin McManus, Uprising, p. 14

Let the adventure begin.

Today my sister competed in her first sprint triathlon. And she did great...especially considering she cut her foot on a piece of glass coming out of the swim, and basically biked and ran with a bloody foot. Quite impressive.

I love racing. There is something so exciting about a big race, with lots of fans, and tough athletes and finish lines. And the fans are so supportive. Lining the entire course were family members, friends, and just people in the neighborhood there to cheer on and encourage the athletes. They cheered for the top, elite competitors...and also for the 71 year old woman finishing towards the back of the pack, but sporting quite the smile. (And, seriously, to do a triathlon when you are 71? amazing)

My favorite showing of support was a husband who had a bright red t-shirt made that said "My wife Ellie is 30 today and doing her first triathlon. I'm so proud." Um...adorable.

Fun times all around...good job Kate!

Ummmmm

19"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also
Matthew 6:19-20

So, yea, packing is not that fun. I set out to accomplish a lot tonight--organize/pack up my records and files; clean and pack up clothes that are already in baskets in my room. I got maybe 1/10 of that done.

How do we accumulate so much stuff? It's insane. It took me 90 minutes to file papers, bills, and records that had been in my "to be filed" folder for like 4 months. And why do I have paper records for accounts that I basically only look at online? What a waste! I need a shredder...

It's crazy how many pairs of shoes I have, how many purses/bags I have that I never use, coats, gloves, books, socks, EVERYTHING. I have so much. And, yet, I have no problem justifying why I need more. In my closet there are two suit jackets, two skirts, 1 pair of pants, and 1 shirt that still have tags on. Only one of those items was bought recently. I have more pairs of jeans than many people probably have pants total (13). Need a black shirt? I have short sleeved, long sleeved, sleeveless, button down, tank top, belted sweater, cardigan, and more...Ugh.

And the words "I have nothing to wear" come out of my mouth more often than I care to admit.

It's kind of sick. When I see all my stuff out there, stacked up, ready to go...it sure looks like my treasures lie in things that can definitely be destroyed.

I think it's time for a change. And I think it might be time for a little clothing fast... :-)

Womb-mates

A reason I love you for each year...

1. I love that you enjoy baking (because I enjoy eating what you bake)
2. I love that you always tell me if I look bad in an outfit
3. I love that you made me go on dates with guys in high school, even when I tried to get out of them when the guy didn't have a car ;-)
4. I love running with you.
5. I love that for so many years, you encouraged me to seek God, even when I wanted to hear nothing of it.
6. I love that we shared a car called The Dolorian.
7. I love that you have so many songs on your iTunes and I benefit!!
8. I love how welcoming you are to anyone who comes to your home.
9. I love that you don't mind me walking from the shower to my bedroom without a towel or robe.
10. I love that we will always share the memories of blowing big bubbles with our gum in the outfield during softball. (Wonder why I never got good ;-) )
11. I love that you can make AMAZING omlettes.
12. I love that you knew I was a girl even when the mail man called me a boy when I was little :-(
13. I love that you are doing your first triathlon this weekend! (well adult triathlon, anyway...we'll never forget the kids triathlon)
14.I love that you appreciate good wine.
15. I love that you encourage me to accessorize with jewelry...even though I don't listen too often.
16. I love that you always include me in what you are doing.
17. I love how excited you get about school supplies.
18. I love that you cry when you read Harry Potter.
19. I love my memories of sharing a room with you at the beach for 25 summers...classic :-)
20. I love that I always had a friend to play with.
21. I love that our fights always ended up with laughter...
22. I love that I came home to a bouquet of flowers on the counter tonight.
23. I love that you are the perfect host, and a wonderful grill-master.
24. I love listening to Delilah on the radio with you--and making fun of all the schmucks ;-)
25. I love how you defend me, no matter how ridiculous I am being.
26. I love THAT YOU ARE MY TWIN.

Happy Birthday...I can't wait for 26 more birthdays with you, sister...

CRAZY

Today I went to Target to pick up some toiletries and other essentials and overheard an outrageous conversation. I was perusing the pajamas, when I heard this young, attractive woman talking on her cell phone about two racks over. Her conversation went something like this...

"Mom, I just do not know what to do. I mean once a cheater, always a cheater, right? "

"Yea, well the b*t*h he slept with was at that party I told you about last night. She kept telling me how sorry she was and how he really is in love with me, not her."

"No, she didn't come up to me...I confronted her in the bathroom and called her out for the tramp she is. Haha...This was after I poured a 20 oz beer on John's (name changed to protect the cheater) head."

"But, I'm just confused because now John won't talk to me and I feel like we just need to talk things out to make this right. I love him and I know we are meant to be together. He keeps making excuses for why we can't hang out...but, I know he misses me. I just really need to talk to him."

I am NOT kidding. She was super loud, and I couldn't help but listen to every word and think ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND? This may have been the most irrational conversation I have ever heard...I had to share.

It was really kind of scary.

Why I love having 1000 Cable Channels

Kevin: Winnie Cooper was part of me, and I was part of her, and no matter what, for as long as we lived, I knew I could never let her go.

I stumbled upon The Wonder Years on tv tonight! I loved this show growing up. Who didn't love Winnie and Kevin and their continual ups and downs? This is the end of the episode where Kevin finally tells Winnie he loves her...so sweet. What a great show.

Stadium House Rocks...or Produces Lawyers

My college roomie just finished taking the Ohio Bar Exam. Congratulations Holwelsh. :-)

When are you moving down here so we can open up Brashear & Welsh, Attorneys at Law? (my name would go first alphabetically, it's just natural that way)

I'm proud of you, enjoy your vacation, you definitely deserve it!

There's something slightly scary about girls who thought drinking wine out of a box was "classy" and held dance parties in their window seat are now practicing law....but, I just think it's great ;-)

Hmm.

I contend brunch is the best meal/food ever. I love breakfast food. This morning I had a feast--muffins, breakfast burritos, bacon, fruit salad, coffee, banana bread...and I just ate the leftover eggs and bacon and it was STILL delicious.

Tonight I watched a movie that showed little babies being denied aid because they weren't yet quite malnourished enough to actually need the food.

That discrepancy is disturbing. We are indulged, obese, and always satiated. I still haven't put into words my response to Irresistible Revolution...but, I know part of the reason I'm struggling with all this is because I know it requires change on my part. A change that will be reflected in my bank account (and the cushion/security I am attempting to create in my account with my new increase in income) and in the way I spend my time/vacation/weekends...stay tuned.

Chris Rock on the Next President

This makes me laugh.

Undeniable

7 O LORD, you deceived me, and I was deceived;
you overpowered me and prevailed.
I am ridiculed all day long;
everyone mocks me.

8 Whenever I speak, I cry out
proclaiming violence and destruction.
So the word of the LORD has brought me
insult and reproach all day long.

9 But if I say, "I will not mention him
or speak any more in his name,"
his word is in my heart like a fire,
a fire shut up in my bones.
I am weary of holding it in;
indeed, I cannot.

Jeremiah 20:7-9

This is awesome. To be in a place where even when everything is awful, and everybody is critical (in fact insulting all day long)...to feel like despite all that, I can't deny God's call, I can't be silent about what He is doing in me.

There are critics who suggest it's a cop out or it's easy to just say I am living out "God's plan." But, I think it takes a ton of courage to live up to the life God has set out for each of us and to let go of the life we think is best for us.

And I believe when we are truly seeking out the life God has created for us, we can't help but pour out God's love for us to other people. We too, are unable to hold it in, to deny it. It becomes impossible to do nothing, to say nothing, to love no one.

Fight the critics.

Alternatives to Reading the Seventh Harry Potter Book

Ok, I admit it...I have never read a Harry Potter book. So, I'm probably a big hypocrite, but I just don't get it! At 9 AM on Saturday morning we had a special delivery from the UPS man and it was Harry Potter! And then, my sister wouldn't start reading it until she had finished re-reading the 6th book. If one more person tells me how "amazing" Dumbledore is, I might lose it.

So, for those of us not caught up with Harry P, I have some suggestions as to what you can do to entertain yourself while everybody else is wrapped up in Harry land...

1. Watch Age of Love
2. Listen to Delilah's radio show
3. Spend time in traffic--always a BLAST
4. Read the real story of good and evil
5. Call people and have conversations that don't involve words like "muggle" and "voldemort"
6. Catch up on your TIVO! I'm too embarrassed to say my new addictions...one is on Lifetime, and the other stars Jason Priestley...mmmm
7. Go swimming! My favorite Saturday pastime.
8. Save 18.99 (or whatever the cost of that way over priced book is)...and have a nice dinner out, or a nice bottle of wine, or better yet, treat a friend to lunch

You get the point. Time for bed...meanwhile my sister will be up all night finishing the book before somebody ruins it and tells her the ending!

Teachers Have it Made

My mom and I email throughout the day and she cracks me up. My parents are avid golfers--they usually play at least 3-5 times per week. They are teachers, so their summer is basically boils down to playing as much golf as possible.

Here is a snippet of the email my mom sent me today:

 It's supposed to rain here, so we can't play golf. Boohoo.
Have a good day at work.
Love, Mom     ;)

I read things like that and I wonder...why, oh why, am I not a teacher with summers off?!?!?

I kind of wish my biggest stress during the day in the summer was whether it was going to rain and if I were going to get to play golf. ...

Value

While I was running on Sunday, I ran past a house that had two large tablet-looking signs in their front yard. The signs each had 5 of the 10 commandments written on them with a cross at the top of each. I could not believe people would actually have something like that in their yard, and I stopped to make sure I wasn’t just hallucinating from being overheated or something.

As I continued my run, I couldn’t help but feel frustrated at the message the home owners were sending about Jesus. I am pretty sure if Jesus had a home in the ‘burbs He wouldn’t have the 10 commandments chilling in his front lawn. Why are we so ready to point fingers at people, to make the message of Jesus completely based on the things we do/the things we shouldn’t do?

It’s pretty clear: 16"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. 17For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.
John 3:16-17

Jesus came to give us life, not to condemn us. So why do we as Christians feel it’s so necessary to condemn everybody else? I am not saying that followers of Christ should not strive to be obedient to God, but I am saying we alienate people when we make following Jesus out to be like following a set of rules (and rules that everybody breaks).

A friend of mine just returned from Africa. On Sunday night he described many experiences he had there, but the one that stuck in my mind was a statistic that about 50% of the people in the area where he stayed were HIV positive. He went on to describe the institutional problems that created this epidemic. I got to thinking how ridiculous it is that a country as wealthy as America does very little to help.

But, more specifically, I am frustrated with the fact that there are so many so called “conservative Christians” who do absolutely nothing to contribute to solutions for problems such as these. Politically, conservative Christians are too busy criticizing homosexuals, gay marriage, abortion, single mothers, and a myriad of other issues to even have time to consider actually living out the message of Christ (whom they claim to follow). And it’s starting to make me kind of sick.

We have so much power as Americans to change the world. We have wealth. We have influence as consumers. And yet, we’re all talk.

What if we had politicians who actually lived out their faith? Christians in office who loved rather than condemned—what a novel concept. Imagine how different things would be (and our world would be) if conservative Christians began spending their time, energy, and resources to love and fight for those who have little and are struggling? What if instead of fighting tooth and nail to prevent gay marriage, conservative Christian politicians began fighting to make sure homosexuals weren’t treated horribly/abused/beat up? What if instead of fighting so intensely to reverse Roe v. Wade, these politicians fought for the safety, care, and treatment of single mothers and their children? What if instead of relishing the financial kickbacks they receive from sitting on the boards of pharmaceutical companies, these influential conservative Christians used their power to provide drugs to those suffering with AIDS and HIV all around the world? What if the American government and pharmaceutical companies teamed up to begin demanding foreign governments take care of their people?

You see, we have the power. We have the money. And many of the individuals who are elected to the Senate and the House of Representatives, and who sit on the boards of directors of influential companies consider themselves Christians. So, why then, does the message of Christ only come out as condemnation, hypocrisy, and extreme selfishness? I am pretty sure Jesus wouldn’t want his name associated with that, or any movement that supported those things.

Jesus is love. And as followers of Christ, we are called to love, not to condemn. And we are called to love the least—everybody—whether it’s the guy in the office next to you who loves to make every call via speakerphone, or the malnourished baby dying of AIDS in Africa, we are called to love them all. God sees value in us all, even though we don’t deserve it. God sees value in crippled people, children, the poor, the wealthy, crack addicts, and even conservative Christians.

We live in a world where a person's value is measured by what he/she can produce and contribute. But, God values us because He created us. And I want to see the value in people the way God does.

I really could go on about this for a while, but I have to get to bed... :-) And I feel like I'm kind of rambling...oh well.

Pursuit of Something Better

There have been two passages that recently have shown up in things I've read, things I've listened to, and conversations I've had with people. And they continually are coming up..so I am thinking God might be trying to say something to me.

The first one is Psalm 37:4:

4 Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

At first glance, this is seemingly quite simple. I remember way back when I read this verse, I liked the idea that God would satisfy my desires. I thought it was cool that God knew my desires and would give them to me. Almost like God was a genie. I wished for something, He would give it to me.

But, I don't think that is it at all. I read this now and consider what does it really mean to delight myself in the Lord? I think it means pursuing the life God created for me and ceasing the pursuit of a life I create for myself.

If I am pursuing the life God created for me, of course he will satisfy the desires of my heart, because my desires are His desires for me. On the contrary, I don't think God is going to give me all the desires of my heart when I am leading a life that is delighting completely in myself, in my plan, in my way of doing things.

I also think it's cool that when we're delighting in the Lord, when we are actively pursuing the life God has planned for us, we can trust our desires. We can trust them because they come from God. Put plainly, if I were given all the desires of my heart while I am pursuing my own plan for my life, I am pretty convinced my life would be one gigantic mess of consequences and conflict.

I think it's nuts that for so long, I pursued my own life plan, thinking that in some way I could do a better job than God. I filled my time with worthless relationships that went nowhere, spent money on stuff that was completely wasteful, and passed on a life that God promised me would be abundant. A life where he would give me all the desires of my heart.

Well, I choose that no longer. I know I'm never going to be perfect, but I am going to do my best to actively pursue the life God has planned for me. I am going to delight in the Lord. And I'm going to pray hard for the courage and boldness to do so.

As for the second passage...hopefully I'll get to writing about it tomorrow. If not, perhaps later in the week :-)

Almost TGIF

Today was supposed to be a semi-easy day at work. It ended up being one of the most ridiculously stressful days I have had yet. Mostly this was due to a certain judge in a certain county who decided that the Ohio Rules of Civil Procedure did not apply to that county. A pack of TUMS later, the problem is solved.

I hopped in the car to come home and traffic was ridiculous even leaving at 6:30. I was definitely a giant stress ball when I got home. Since I can't afford a private masseuse, I went for a run. 5 miles later and I think I figured some stuff out.

I think it's wrong that most state and local judges are elected. Federal judges are appointed, and generally have tenures for life. Appointment ensures (to some extent) neutrality. Lifetime tenure ensures (to some extent) that judges can grow wiser as time goes on and not always follow the trends of the time. Of course, appointment means the judge is appointed by either a Republican or a Democrat. But, once on the bench, the judge is not governed by any political party. He/she can only be removed for being senile or a criminal.

On the contrary, elected judges are accountable to the people. This is in complete opposition to the whole point of having a judicial branch separate from the legislative and executive branches. Judges should be accountable to enforcing the laws created by the legislature, who is in turn accountable to the people. Judges shouldn't have to select a political party.

An election creates pressure on a judge to rule in such a way as to satisfy his/her constituents. How is a judge to remain neutral on a case when his/her party clearly would prefer a certain outcome?

I think electing judges creates a system where corruption is more prevalent than appointment. At the end of the day, all judges are human, and are thus susceptible to ruling from personal experience rather than the clear letter of the law. But, electing judges adds a whole level of pressure. And I think it's wrong.

It's wrong that during an election year a judge will rush cases through to make his/her caseload look efficient. But, on some level, they don't have a choice. Because they have to get elected.

Let the legislators be accountable to the people in creating, drafting, and making laws. But, judges should be accountable only to interpreting, enforcing, and determining the constitutionality of the law.

Warning--Long Post..11 Years Later

11 years ago I became a Christian. I was almost 15, a know-it-all, perfectionist (not much changed there) who found immense relief and freedom in realizing that is was ok that I wasn’t perfect, and couldn’t be. The next 5 years, I learned everything I could, read the Bible regularly, went to youth groups and Bible studies. I had a great routine going. I even started a Bible study in my freshman year dorm. In college, I went to FCA. We would meet on Wednesday evenings, and then we would all go out to the bars afterwards. Eventually, I developed this feeling that completing a checklist would maintain my faith. Go to church, go to FCA, volunteer. Growing in my faith became something I was in charge of, and something for me to figure out. Needless to say, I got frustrated pretty quickly. And other things became seemingly more freeing than the rigid requirements I had set up for myself.

All that being said, I never stopped believing in Jesus. During these 11 years, things have certainly been bumpy and I’ve run away on my own at times, but there is something about Jesus that always brings me back. So here you have it—11 things I’ve learned during my 11 years as a Christian (and wow, do I have a lot more to learn).

1. You can’t do it alone.
Surrounding yourself with a community of people who encourage you to grow is super important. I struggled during the times (like law school) where I thought I could do everything myself. I'm not saying you must join a small group or have someone keep a list of bad things you do. I'm just saying being around pepole who love Jesus and want to see you love Jesus is so encouraging. And having somebody you can be truly honest with (call that person an accountability partner, a mentor, a whatever) is a big part of a support system.

2. Nobody is perfect.
We all mess up, pretty much all the time. And judging/expecting other people to be perfect is a waste of time. I definitely think we should strive to live lives that reflect and obey God, but I don't think we should get caught up only with our mistakes. A focus on only our mistakes, I think, leads people to hide them. I think being honest with our struggles allows God to change us. Pretending we are perfect, and putting on an act for others is exhausting and a waste of time.

3. Willpower is not enough.
With all my routines, projects, groups, etc. I still didn’t feel completely transformed. I felt obligated and like somehow all the “stuff” I was doing was going to earn God’s love. And I could never do enough stuff, or do it well enough. I definitely still struggle with this, but when you think about it, it's really silly. God wants faith, passionate belief that Jesus really can change our hearts; rather than a lame list of "things" we've done. And I've found that when I start doing things because of what God is calling me to do, it doesn't feel like an obligation.

4. Jesus is freedom.
I went through a period of time where I felt like following Jesus was just a set of rules that I continually broke, and it was just frustrating. Over time, I realized that the “rules” I thought Jesus commanded were really created by me and my wanting to be perfect. And doing seemingly “free” things like hooking up with guys, careless partying, not worrying about other people’s feelings is NOT freedom. All that does is create your own personal prison. I am so not kidding. Give it a whirl, you will agree. When I am following Jesus, I can actually trust my instincts. When I have just done “whatever” I can’t trust anything—my heart, my mind, whatever, it’s always a mess of conflict.

5. Reading the Bible is important.
Basically a no-brainer. But, I have really learned that I can’t just trust other people’s interpretation of the Bible. Read it yourself. Understand its context. God does speak through the Bible.

6. Confession is NOT a waste of time.
I used to rarely confess my sins to God. I figured, shoot, He already knows. But, seriously when I started honestly confessing my mistakes (especially those that seem to be quite routine), things in my life began changing. Confession gives us the opportunity to surrender control to God. I feel like I get to say “um God, you know that thing I keep doing that’s bad, well I can’t stop. And I don’t really want to. And I need YOU to change me because I’m pretty sure I won’t change that desire myself.” And God listens. I’m not saying I keep track of everything. I’d never have time to work! J But, be honest with God.

7. Nobody has it all figured out.
Not your pastor. Not your parents. Not your friend who seems so “put together.” Everybody is messy. Everybody makes mistakes. I think it’s funny how so many people are so focused on doing the “right” things and putting up this front of perfection. Doesn’t that kind of leave out the whole concept of grace? We all need grace because we are all imperfect.

8. No one person will ever be enough to sustain you.
If someone could have shared that with me years ago, wow could that have saved me some heartache! But, I probably wouldn’t have listened. J I look forward to marriage (though commitment scares me to death). But, depending completely on one man and expecting him to heal my insecurities, etc. will end badly. I know this from experience! Jesus has to be what sustains you and who you depend on. And the partner I select must encourage me to grow closer to God. Misplaced dependence is so destructive. I never want to go there again.

9. . It’s ok to doubt.
There is nothing wrong with questioning what everybody else seems to take as truth. God isn’t going to be mad if you’re frustrated with Him, or confused, or a mess. But, don’t stop there. Seek answers. Pray, ask questions. While doubt can certainly be healthy, it can also lead to cynicism and bitterness if you aren’t actively looking for answers.

10. There will always be critics.
Forget pleasing everybody. It’s impossible and exhausting. Focus on loving Jesus. I mess up constantly. And people love to point out mistakes, or inconsistencies, or hypocrisies. But, keep plugging away. Actions do speak louder than words. And making choices that reflect God’s will, eventually will speak for themselves.

11. People are broken.
While my faith is a personal thing, it doesn’t end there. I don’t have to be a raging evangelist, in the scary sense of the word, to share the message of Jesus. Daily, I encounter opportunities where by words or action or whatever I can share Christ. And when you begin to realize your own brokenness, it is amazing how your eyes are opened to the broken hearts of others. You begin seeing it everywhere—in the rich, the poor, whoever. Then, your heart begins to break for others, and all of a sudden serving/loving people doesn’t seem like an obligation, but a passion.

On Saturday night I rented Casablanca. This is a movie that for years I have been wanting to see, but just never have. I wanted a night to myself, and I figured this would be the perfect opportunity to watch it. (Which as a tangent, I think it is absolutely insane that Blockbuster charges the same price to rent a movie from 1943 as they do to rent a new release for the same amount of time. I told the sales clerk that as well, but I don't think he cared.)

Anyway, I loved it. I finally got to hear the famous lines everybody knows, but now in their appropriate context. ("Here's lookin' at you kid." or "We'll always have Paris." or "Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.") I kept thinking it'd be fun to have someone to whom you could actually say "we'll always have Paris." I mean, how romantic? Oh well.

I cried at the end (surprise, surprise). So, if you haven't seen it, rent it. It's everything the movie critics, etc. say it is.

And it's a great way to spend a Saturday night.

A Time Waster

So, this is fun:

www.typingtest.com

You can see how many wpm you can type. Being the competitive person that I am, I forced my sister to compete with me. She got annoyed pretty fast. :-)

So, can you beat a net 99 WPM with 97% accuracy?


TGIF, actually Thank God It's PAYDAY Friday!

This and That

Some stuff I thought about today...

1. I nearly had a panic attack thinking about committing to living in Cincinnati today.

2. My friend Holly takes the bar on July 24. She is studying like crazy. She'll do great. It seriously seems like yesterday we had our desks right next to each other and I was distracting her while she was trying to study for her comm final. Soon both of us will be lawyers, that's kind of scary.

3. I walked to my car in a downpour when I left work. The whole time I kept thinking how the rain was ruining my expensive leather sandals. Then I saw three homeless people huddled under this overhang, and well, I gained a little perspective.

4. I don't get guys at all. And I don't get the concept of "closure" after many years. Guys are just so strange.

5. Sometimes I try so hard to really understand God, to figure Him out. But, we can never really know all there is to know about God. Just think, if we did or if we would, He wouldn't be God, He'd just be another one of our idols. I mean that's faith...being sure of what we hope for, being certain of things we cannot see.

6. My right arm is sore from throwing a football last night. And if you saw me throw it, you'd know how ridiculous it is that I'm sore.

7. What is the big thing with Transformers? I feel like everybody but me is obsessed. What am I missing?

8. I am quickly realizing there are a lot of bad lawyers out there, who are doing a disservice to their clients. And I look forward to and seize every opportunity I can to point that out to the attorney, the client, and whoever will listen. Remember--just because they have the biggest ad in the phone book, doesn't mean they are the best.

9. I love 107.1FM. I don't even really like R&B/rap that much, but I am addicted to that station. And they play old-er stuff. There's nothing like a little JaRule (or whoever) in the morning to get you going (and remind you of things from college you thought you had forgotten!).

10. I will never outgrow fireworks. And last night was no exception. Love the sounds, love the sparkling fire. Being sleepy at work was completely worth it.

Wedding Wisdom

But ultimately there comes a moment when a decision must be made. Ultimately two people who love each other must ask themselves how much they hope for as their love grows and deepens, and how much risk they are willing to take... It is indeed a fearful gamble...Because it is the nature of love to create, a marriage itself is something which has to be created, so that, together we become a new creature.

To marry is the biggest risk in human relations that a person can take... If we commit ourselves to one person for life this is not, as many people think, a rejection of freedom; rather it demands the courage to move into all the risks of freedom, and the risk of love which is permanent; into that love which is not possession, but participation... It takes a lifetime to learn another person... When love is not possession, but participation, then it is part of that co-creation which is our human calling, and which implies such risk that it is often rejected.

-Madeleine L'Engle, "The Irrational Season"

This passage was read at my cousin's wedding on Saturday. I had never read or heard it before and loved it.

A Single Woman's Right to Shoes

On Saturday my cousin is getting married. I love weddings. Getting dressed up, eating, drinking, dancing...I've never had a bad time at a wedding. Plus, it's exciting to be in the presence of two people in love and excited to start their lives together.

That said, my sister and I were perusing their wedding registry to find the perfect gift and I started thinking--what if I never get married? I'll never get to have a gift registry. And I kind of think that's not fair.

I thought of all the gifts I've bought for the MANY wedding and baby showers I've attended. For some people I've even attended more than one of these showers--which means multiple gifts. So it will never be even until I get married and have kids.

One of my favorite episodes of Sex and the City is where Carrie gets fed up buying presents for wedding and baby showers (while having no husband or kids herself) and decides to "register" for a pair of Manolo Blahnik's. She decides the world discriminates against 30 something single women who don't have kids. I say, Amen.

I think I'm going to spend some time putting together a registry of my own. And I'm not wasting time with stuff like forks and china.

Just Can't Help It

Peter and John Before the Sanhedrin

1The priests and the captain of the temple guard and the Sadducees came up to Peter and John while they were speaking to the people. 2They were greatly disturbed because the apostles were teaching the people and proclaiming in Jesus the resurrection of the dead. 3They seized Peter and John, and because it was evening, they put them in jail until the next day. 4But many who heard the message believed, and the number of men grew to about five thousand.

5The next day the rulers, elders and teachers of the law met in Jerusalem. 6Annas the high priest was there, and so were Caiaphas, John, Alexander and the other men of the high priest's family. 7They had Peter and John brought before them and began to question them: "By what power or what name did you do this?"

8Then Peter, filled with the Holy Spirit, said to them: "Rulers and elders of the people! 9If we are being called to account today for an act of kindness shown to a cripple and are asked how he was healed, 10then know this, you and all the people of Israel: It is by the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, whom you crucified but whom God raised from the dead, that this man stands before you healed. 11He is
" 'the stone you builders rejected,
which has become the capstone. 12Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved."

13When they saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were unschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with Jesus. 14But since they could see the man who had been healed standing there with them, there was nothing they could say. 15So they ordered them to withdraw from the Sanhedrin and then conferred together. 16"What are we going to do with these men?" they asked. "Everybody living in Jerusalem knows they have done an outstanding miracle, and we cannot deny it. 17But to stop this thing from spreading any further among the people, we must warn these men to speak no longer to anyone in this name."

18Then they called them in again and commanded them not to speak or teach at all in the name of Jesus. 19But Peter and John replied, "Judge for yourselves whether it is right in God's sight to obey you rather than God. 20For we cannot help speaking about what we have seen and heard."

Acts 4:1-20

This is one passage I consistently return to. I don't know if it's my favorite, but it's up there. Isn't this how we want to live--in a way where those around us and those we encounter in our ordinary lives know that we have been with Jesus? With passion and courage that don't die down at the possibility of persecution, embarrassment, criticism or fatigue?

Peter and John were facing prison, and probably torture/death, and Peter uses the opportunity to talk about Jesus. He doesn't plead for his life, or beg for mercy--he says: c'mon guys, that crippled man is healed--you can't deny what happened. He seizes an opportunity, takes a risk, and then men know that he and Peter had been with Jesus.

And even when they are let off the hook and told they can go as long as they leave the Sanhedrin and stop speaking about Jesus, they refuse. They had to share what they had seen and heard.

Sometimes for me it's so easy to get in a routine, to just get through the day and move on to the next. But, I want to be like Peter and John--I want to feel like I can't stop talking about what I myself have seen and heard. Sure, maybe I haven't seen a crippled person healed in front of my very eyes-- but I'll tell you what, if you knew me a year ago, you would see transformation.

Every now and then I step back and gain some perspective on where I am today from a year or so ago. I'm not going to bars and drinking in excess in an attempt to not feel lonely, I'm not seeking security from guys in the form of shallow, meaningless relationships, I'm not driven to just make money and get a great job, I'm relying less and less on my own ability to change circumstances. My life has changed. And I didn't do a thing. I couldn't have.

And moments when I get persepctive like that, those are the moments that make me truly feel like I can't keep my mouth shut about Jesus. I'm not perfect. But, I truly believe with my whole heart that Jesus can change a person in a way that nothing else can. And if we are more willing to share and be open about the changes in our own lives, others too can see that we have been with Jesus.

I think there is such great power in sharing that. Power that is bigger than rambling off Bible verses and teaching people the "sinner's prayer" (bleh). How better can we share the Gospel than by showing and sharing how deeply we ourselves have been changed by Jesus?

As promised.

40 Year Old Virgin makes me laugh. Just add this movie to the list you shouldn't watch with your parents--I did (along with Boogie Nights way back when- another mistake). I watched it again this past weekend and forgot how funny it is. Time for laughs...

Kittens v. Cougars

I am so annoyed. I was all set to put up a clip from 40 Year Old Virgin for some laughs after putting in a long day, and as I was sitting down to post it I flipped on the television only to see the end of The Age of Love. This 40 year old woman had just gotten cut, and she was so upset and pathetic looking. It was awful.

Now, don't get me wrong. When I was in college, we had Bachelor night, full of wine, laughing, yelling at the tv--it was great. But, the shows seem to get more and more ridiculous. And all they do is continue to perpetuate a myth that women are nuts--and will scheme, plot, lie, cheat, sleep around and whatever else to get a man. Meanwhile, the guy looks like the innocent, do gooder who has a hard time making sense of all these nonsensical women.

I'm tired of seeing shows where these professional, intelligent, attractive women end up looking like idiots for the sake of entertainment. It was entertaining for a while, and now it's just ridiculous.

It's also sad. While I'm sure much of the women's reactions to getting cut, or not getting a rose is staged, hearing that 40 year old woman sob about how her life is so depressing because she doesn't have love is so sad. And it makes me start thinking and realizing there are lots of women out there who really believe that finding a man will be all they need to complete and fulfill themselves. How sad and how universally desperate we all are for unconditional love.

So contrary to television's depiction--not all women are not desperate, pathetic, schemers who will sleep with a guy at the drop of a hat just to win him over. Some women are smarter, deeper, and more independent than that.

Ok, rant over. Tomorrow 40 Year Old Virgin.

X-Ray to the Heart

From the corner of his eye he saw Norah watching them. Away from the bright motion of the party, she carried her sadness like a dark stone clenched in her palm. He longed to comfort her, but he could think of nothing to say. He wished he had some kind of X-ray vision for the human heart: for Norah's and his own.

For our book club this month, we chose The Memory Keeper's Daughter, by Kim Edwards. It's the story of a doctor who has to deliver his own twins due to a blizzard in the early 1960s. One of the twins, the daughter, has Down syndrome. The doctor has his nurse take the baby away to an institution, but instead she raises the girl herself. The mother has no knowledge of any of this, but is instead told the second baby died.

While the doctor's actions are shocking, we learn the reasons behind them, and that essentially he wants to protect his wife from the pain his own mother experienced raising a child with Down syndrome. However, his decision ends up creating a different kind of pain for each of them and their marriage.

I didn't love the book. I found it to be largely unrealistic and depressing. Edwards tries to construct a redemptive ending, which I won't give away, but I didn't care for it.

What I think is interesting, though, is the doctor's character. He is constantly trying to shelter his wife from pain. He also is always trying to solve her and their son's problems. And it's a battle that can never be won.

Sometimes, I find myself trying to figure out what is wrong with people (and myself)--what hurts them at their core, the real issue they (or I) struggle with. I reason if I can figure that out, then I can solve the problem.

It's so ridiculous to think about. Why is accepting our brokenness and realizing we can do nothing ourselves to fix it permanently so difficult sometimes? Why is admitting we can't solve the brokenness of others so hard? Why is it so much easier to offer advice or suggestions that are temporary and limited, rather than to accept the reality that we can never make things completely right?

Instead of trying to solve the problems of others (or myself), I just want to love people because of the bond we share as broken humans.

I'm so thankful we have a God who does have an "X-Ray" into our hearts, knows our brokenness, knows we can't fix it, and sent Jesus to make things completely right. I'm also thankful that I'm learning to unclench my own fist that used to hold so tightly the pain, heartache, mistakes, shame, and guilt that make up my own brokenness.

I think there is freedom in realizing we don't need to rely on our simple, short-lived cures for our broken hearts because there is a permanent redemption waiting for us.

Update!

I have been terrible recently about updating the old blog. But, I am working hard...so that's good. And I've been sleeping less, which is not so good. So here's a quick update--funny, ordinary, whatev... :-)

1. Driving home today I started panicking about finding an alternate route because I heard a traffic report that said there was an hour delay traveling on 75 South. Little did I realize I was driving NORTH...good job wasting time.

2. I'm bringing in a space heater for my office at work. It's so cold. Even when it's 95 outside, I am shivering...it's just not right.

3. I skipped my dentist appt. on Monday because I don't want to hear I need my wisdom teeth out. And my teeth have been hearting. How wise is that?

4. My neighbor has worked in his garage (i.e. his wood shop) between the hours of 1AM and 4AM. It is becoming even harder to "Love" my neighbor.

5. My sister makes an amazing bean dip.

6. My grandma discovered we're related to Bill Cower. Pretty cool.

7. I'm trying to decide between the half or full marathon in November. Hmm.

8. It seems like I was at the beach forever ago (though the tan lines remind me otherwise).

9. I found out I am the youngest attorney at our office...weird.

10. I love summer. I love eating/drinking/hanging out outside. Fu-un.

Morning Has Broken

I'm exhausted. Waking up at 5AM is killing me. I've been slightly off with this whole "not getting 8 hours of sleep a night" thing. And there's something about running at 5AM that just doesn't seem right. But, I love my job. It's stressful, and busy, and I'm a complete newbie, but it's great and the people are awesome. It just feels right, ya know?

I had to completely change my morning running mix because at 5AM I need some tunes that are a little calmer. So this is my new theme song in the morning...since I basically see the sun rise each day :-) How cool that each day is a whole new creation by God, another day--full of potential and opportunities?

Morning Has Broken

Morning has broken, like the first morning
Blackbird has spoken, like the first bird
Praise for the singing, praise for the morning
Praise for the springing fresh from the world

Sweet the rain's new fall, sunlit from heaven
Like the first dewfall, on the first grass
Praise for the sweetness of the wet garden
Sprung in completeness where his feet pass

Mine is the sunlight, mine is the morning
Born of the one light, Eden saw play
Praise with elation, praise every morning
God's recreation of the new day

-As sung by Cat Stevens

All I Ever Really Needed to Know I Learned on Vacation

I loved watching my niece and nephew on the beach. They loved everything. And they ran everywhere, constantly full of excitement. Though I tired after about a dozen turns of setting my niece up to ride waves on her board, she never got tired of it. Each time she rode in a wave, she would run back out to where I was in the ocean to do it all over again, with the same amount of enthusiasm as the first time. It was the same with building sandcastles and playing wiffle baseball too. The beach fascinated them. Just standing in the ocean was "awesome," as they put it over and over again. But, we adults, we're "boring" in their vocab--sitting and reading, riding a few waves here and there, wiping sand off our hands rather than digging with them.

I couldn't help but think about how we get older and suddenly the excitement is gone from things. We use phrases like "I just need to make it through today" or "I survived another week." And I say these things so often. Four weeks ago I couldn't wait to start my new job and tonight I heard myself repeatedly say "I don't want to go to work, but if I can just get past Monday it will be ok."

Where'd the excitement go? Why does the day to day have to be boring? Maybe I just need to change my perspective a bit and realize that if I'm just surviving, I'm missing out--on opportunities, experiences, etc.

I want to get away from the negativity and start being more enthusiastic about each day--about its potential, rather than its obstacles; about who I could meet, rather than who distracts me from checking off my task list. I don't want to survive a lifetime, I want to live it.

NO SWIMMING

Today the Coast Guard put "No Swimming" flags at our beach entrance. I was so bummed out. So, we hit up the hot tub, took silly pics at the beach, and spent the rest of the day shopping. Here's the evidence... It was so windy...

Hopefully I wake up tomorrow to endless sunshine! I really wish I could stay here longer...I wonder if I could pass the North Carolina bar exam...hmm :-)

Vacation-Day 1

I'm really sunburned. I did a poor job putting on sunscreen and I think it was a year old. Even my ears are burned!

But, today was fabulous. Two long ocean swims, big waves, read a whole book, took a walk, went for a beach run, found a delightful coffee place, ate a big steak, won 2 games of cornhole, and took a shower outside. (I am a big fan of the outdoor shower). Now I am stuffed and exhausted. And, I found out my good friend from law school is down here at the same time! What luck!

Here I am--a lovely pose on the deck upstairs. I kind of don't want this week to end. There's something great about getting re-energized and being relaxed.

The Day After Tomorrow

I'm leaving for the beach on Saturday. Two more days of work. Two more days of Ohio. Then 8 days of freedom, sand, sun, ocean, saltwater in my eyes, suntan lines, seashells, amazing seafood, decks to watch the sunset (and sunrise if I so desired to wake up that early which I won't), cruiser
bikes, diving waves...ETC ETC ETC.! :-)

I definitely gotta go where it's warm!

Boat Drinks--Jimmy Buffet
Boys in the band ordered boat drinks
Visitors scored on the home rink
Everything seems to be wrong

Lately, newspaper mentioned cheap air fare
I gotta to fly to saint somewhere
Im close to bodily harm

Twenty degrees and the hockey games on
Nobody cares they are way too far gone
Screamin boat drinks, something to keep em all warm

This mornin, I shot six holes in my freezer
I think I got cabin fever
Somebody sound the alarm

Id like to go where the pace of lifes slow
Could you beam me somewhere mr. scott?
Any ol place here on earth or in space
You pick the century and Ill pick the spot

Oh I know, (I know)
I should be leaving this climate
I got a verse but cant rhyme it
I gotta go where its warm

Boat drinks
Waitress I need two more boat drinks
Then Im headin south fore my dream shrinks

I gotta go where its warm (I gotta go where its warm)
I gotta go where its warm (I gotta go where its warm)
I gotta go where its warm!

I gotta go where there aint any snow
Where there aint any blow
cause my fin sinks so low
I gotta go where its warm

Only the Lonely

On Sunday, I was in the check out line at Kroger picking up some necessities and I began watching the woman in front of me unload her cart. (I have a slight fascination with what other people buy--I think yhou can know a lot about a person by the contents of their cart) Anyway, in her cart were: a 12 pack of pepsi, a large thing of non dairy creamer, a HUGE thing of coffee, 4 cartons of cigarettes, and approx. 15 stauffer's frozen dinners. I casually mentioned I loved the Stauffer's lasagna to which the woman replied that she never bought that because she didn't have anybody but herself to eat it. As fate would have it, when I left the parking lot I was behind her car and I watched her drive (by herself) to this apartment complex down the road. I couldn't help but think about how lonely this woman must be.

And then that got me thinking....one of the worst feelings mankind can experience, I think, is loneliness. At all costs we avoid being alone. Because when we are truly alone, we have no supporters and no connection to anybody or anything. I think when we are feeling alone we are more apt to make destructive decisions.

When I feel alone, my first impulse is usually to go out--to make a connection, healthy or unhealthy. I'm so desperate to not feel lonely, I will do anything. And I see this in others--in friends who are in relationships out of a desperate fear of being alone, in people who stay in the same location because it's safe, etc, etc. We want that tangible connection because it's hard sometimes to feel connected to an intangible God.

But, God designed us to be with other people. We should surround ourselves with friends and people who encourage us to not act out of desperation, but to live with purpose. Friends who call us out when we're straying from the life that is intended for us. Friends who help us develop a level of discernment in our decision making. Friends who tell us when we're dating an idiot.

Without a community of friends who encourage your relationship with God, I think you miss out on a line of defense that keeps you from making decisions based on a fear of being alone, rather than on God's will for you.

I'm starting to develop a group of good friends that do just that...and I think that's super cool.

Listen...and Repeat!

My sister introduced me to Nickel Creek back when I made fun of her for liking mellow one-guy-playing-a-guitar-and-singing-softly type music. But, I am slowly starting to LOVE it.

I'm kind of crazy about When You Come Back Down. It's been on repeat in my car for days. To me, it's a song about the perfect relationship--one where each person can chase his/her dreams and the other is patiently supportive...whether the dream turns out successfully or not. Rather than being annoyingly dependent, he/she is excited for the other to take risks and live out his/her dream. That's cool. Plus, it's some good music!

When You Come Back Down
You got to leave me now, you got to go alone
You got to chase a dream, one that's all your own
Before it slips away
When you're flyin' high, take my heart along
I'll be the harmony to every lonely song
That you learn to play

When you're soarin' through the air
I'll be your solid ground
Take every chance you dare
I'll still be there
When you come back down
When you come back down

I'll keep lookin' up awaitin' your return
My greatest fear will be that you will crash and burn
And I won't feel your fire
I'll be the other hand that always holds the line
Connectin' in between your sweet heart and mine
I'm strung out on that wire

And I'll be on the other end
To hear you when you call
Angel, you were born to fly
And if you get too high
I'll catch you when you fall
I'll catch you when you fall

Your memory's the sunshine every new day brings
I know the sky is calling
Angel, let me help you with your wings

When you're soarin' through the air
I'll be your solid ground
Take every chance you dare
I'll still be there
When you come back down

Take every chance you dare
I'll still be there
When you come back down
When you come back down
-Nickel Creek

Outside the Box

I heard someone state that in the city of Cincinnati there are 10 people per acre. If that seems nuts, back when the book of Romans was written, there were 150 per acre in Rome.

It got me thinking. Aside from everything else a city can be/represent, it makes me even more in awe of how big/diverse/encompassing God's love is. I am so "me" focused. And I think, ok, God loves me--an educated, white girl lawyer from Toledo. And I get caught up in that picture of God. So, the Bible says God provides--well that means God provides for me--an educated, white girl lawyer from Toledo. Etc, etc. I get to thinking that the way I experience God, is the way most people experience God. Of course, I am so way off.

Think about a city-about how many different kinds of people there are. Artistic, straight-laced, poor, rich, smart, uneducated, black, white, foreign, American, married, single, childless, dogless (like how I slipped that in)...and so many more. And God lives in and LOVES all those different kinds of people.

I find it hard to have perspective on the fact that God knows everything about me. About my life and my heart...and yet, God is all knowing about everyone. And the cool thing about a city (so far) is how all the differences among the abundance of people crammed into one area sheds some light on how big our God is...and on how His love can be experienced in so many different ways.

I love getting a bigger picture of God and a bigger picture of the people He loves. People who aren't just educated white girl lawyers from Toledo.

No idea if that made sense...it's late and I have to wake up at 4:45AM! :-)

all is right again...TGIF

Wow. Thursday was stressful. I'm not really sure what my problem was. Do you ever feel like you have 100 things flying through your head and they are all demanding your attention? That was Thursday. And in the end, I was so stressed, I lost my temper (more than once) and cried when I got lost in Clifton on low fuel and couldn't find a gas station. Again, wow.

But then I came home, popped in Pride and Prejudice, poured my favorite new drink--diet green tea, and once again all is right with the world. I just can't give up Mr. Darcy. And why should I--he loves a girl named Elizabeth (or as he calls her, Miss Elizabeth) who's independent, doesn't hide her feelings, and is loyal to her family.

Favorite line, Mr. Darcy: You have bewitched me, body and soul and I love...I love...I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on.




Enjoy yet another clip :-) AND TGIF!

The Wild Things

17"When he came to his senses, he said, 'How many of my father's hired men have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! 18I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. 19I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired men.' 20So he got up and went to his father.
"But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

21"The son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.'

22"But the father said to his servants, 'Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. 23Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let's have a feast and celebrate. 24For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' So they began to celebrate.

Luke 15:17-24

When I was in college, I went through the worst break up ever. It was the worst I have ever felt, with nothing even close to comparison. I remember thinking that the way I had my life planned out was nothing like how it was going to be from then on. Then my sister sent me a package in the mail with Where the Wild Things Are in it. I thought she was silly sending me a children's book...but in the front cover, she left me the sweetest, most thoughtful and heartfelt note I have ever received--no matter how wild your life gets, or how far you wander off, you can always come home to me and your family who will always love you.

I'm sure you remember the story of Max and his escapade to the land of the wild things, only to end up longing for home and his supper. And he returns...and his dinner is still waiting for him, not cold, but just perfect.

I think we all have our own wild "escapades" where we decide to do things on our own, for ourselves and think that somehow we can figure out stuff without anybody's help. And, generally, it backfires. We end up feeling hurt, lost, confused, frustrated, and tired of being among the "wild things" and ready to return home.

I love that we have a God who is always waiting for us, patient while we live amongst the wild things in our life. I love that He can turn the junk and hurt into good. The other night, I had the opportunity to share some of my own "wild" escapades with a friend who suggested that people liked to talk about being "real" but never really seemed real. So, I just poured out the gory details. And I also poured out how much I have changed, how much my own heart has been transformed by a God who is ALWAYS waiting there, ready to accept and forgive. And I really think God used some of the junk I keep stored away to connect with her, to show her that she's not alone in her brokenness.

I just think that's really cool. :-)

sun + good book + pool = greatest

THE POOL OPENS TODAY!

go ahead and guess where i will be all weekend ... i love summer :-)

HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND!

traffic sucks...but TGIF

Thoughts on traffic:

1. Paying attention to the car in front of you is imperative. If its brake lights are on, you should probably stop. The grass isn't a separate lane.
2. Turn signals are a must. Weaving in and out is dangerous and annoying as crap.
3. Don't yell profanity out of your window. It won't make the traffic any better. Might as well just sit and enjoy it.
4. Ignore the traffic report. It's never good news.
5. It takes about 45 solid minutes to get from downtown to 275. That's fun.
6. Texting in traffic is dangerous. Real dangerous.
7. I don't get why they waste the info board by posting something like "smog alert" rather than "it will take you an eternity to get to 275"
8. The arch in my right foot is sore from hitting the brake and then the gas all week
9. I nearly fell asleep at the wheel this morning at Paddock because I sat there so long.
10. I am seriously considering taking up smoking to make the time pass...ok, not really, but I am starting to see the allure of it.

TGIF...two casual days in a row...love that! :-)

Invincible

I love the movie Invincible. I watched it this past weekend--it's a great rental. And I love the person Mark Wahlberg plays in the movie. (I know I gave up fantasies about fictional men, but this movie is actually a representation of a true story...so I think I can fantasize freely!)

Anyway, the only video I could find (in the minute I spent looking) was the trailer. So, go rent it! The movie is about Philadelphia Eagles player Vince Papale who becomes a member of the team after a new coach holds open tryouts. Papale loves his city, loves his friends, and guts it out because he realizes how he being on the team represents hope (and an escape) for his friends/city broken from a wrecked economy. Plus, watching Mark Wahlberg run around on a football field isn't a bad way to spend 2 hours :-)



And...it gets me excited for the fall football season!

Called

11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14

Jeremiah 29:11-14

Today was overwhelming. I have so much to learn and literally feel like I know nothing about what I am supposed to be doing. I am confused, scared, but strangely excited. I walked around downtown Cincinnati this morning (because I was 40 minutes early) and just felt thrilled. (Though, note to self, walking 40 minutes in high heels = bad blisters)

It's weird to feel nervous and unprepared, but still feel like you are in the right place, doing the right thing. I kind of feel like God dropped this opportunity into my lap, and I am so unprepared and lacking what I think I need to do it--but, I feel inside me that I am supposed to be there.

It's kind of like in the times we can't rely on ourselves, on our own knowledge, those are the times we are truly seeking God with all our heart. And there, in that place where we seek Him with everything, that's where those passionate, life-changing encounters with God take place. And that just fires me up.

And right now it's 8PM and seriously I am about to go to sleep. Ok, ice cream, then sleep.

Priceless

New suit for the first day: $289 (and that is sale price)
Full tank of gas for the long commute: $35.55
Blank CDs to burn new mixes for the long commute: $20
2 Packs of Tums to settle the first day jitters: 2.97

An exciting new job and an office with a view, in a great city: priceless

Art and Poetry....Love it

625. Ode on a Grecian Urn
John Keats

THOU still unravish'd bride of quietness,
Thou foster-child of Silence and slow Time,
Sylvan historian, who canst thus express
A flowery tale more sweetly than our rhyme:
What leaf-fringed legend haunts about thy shape 5
Of deities or mortals, or of both,
In Tempe or the dales of Arcady?
What men or gods are these? What maidens loth?
What mad pursuit? What struggle to escape?
What pipes and timbrels? What wild ecstasy? 10

Heard melodies are sweet, but those unheard
Are sweeter; therefore, ye soft pipes, play on;
Not to the sensual ear, but, more endear'd,
Pipe to the spirit ditties of no tone:
Fair youth, beneath the trees, thou canst not leave 15
Thy song, nor ever can those trees be bare;
Bold Lover, never, never canst thou kiss,
Though winning near the goal—yet, do not grieve;
She cannot fade, though thou hast not thy bliss,
For ever wilt thou love, and she be fair! 20

Ah, happy, happy boughs! that cannot shed
Your leaves, nor ever bid the Spring adieu;
And, happy melodist, unwearièd,
For ever piping songs for ever new;
More happy love! more happy, happy love! 25
For ever warm and still to be enjoy'd,
For ever panting, and for ever young;
All breathing human passion far above,
That leaves a heart high-sorrowful and cloy'd,
A burning forehead, and a parching tongue. 30

Who are these coming to the sacrifice?
To what green altar, O mysterious priest,
Lead'st thou that heifer lowing at the skies,
And all her silken flanks with garlands drest?
What little town by river or sea-shore, 35
Or mountain-built with peaceful citadel,
Is emptied of its folk, this pious morn?
And, little town, thy streets for evermore
Will silent be; and not a soul, to tell
Why thou art desolate, can e'er return. 40

O Attic shape! fair attitude! with brede
Of marble men and maidens overwrought,
With forest branches and the trodden weed;
Thou, silent form! dost tease us out of thought
As doth eternity: Cold Pastoral! 45

When old age shall this generation waste,
Thou shalt remain, in midst of other woe
Than ours, a friend to man, to whom thou say'st,
'Beauty is truth, truth beauty,—that is all
Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know.' 50

I'm kind of a nut about art. I nearly majored in art history in college, but the studio requirement kept me from doing that (i.e. I have no artistic talent!). I also like poetry. I was perusing some poetry books yesterday while organizing my closet (I am easily distracted) and came across this poem I used to love when I was in college. I know the language is kind of difficult to read, but I think it's beautiful. The poem is about a depiction on a Grecian urn of lovers right before they are about to kiss.

The lovers are frozen in a perpetual state of excitement, anticipation, and new love. How wonderful! (Bold Lover, never, never canst thou kiss, / Though winning near the goal—yet, do not grieve; / She cannot fade, though thou hast not thy bliss, / For ever wilt thou love, and she be fair! ) At first glance, it seems attractive—never fighting, no chance of boredom, no fear of commitment—just the passionate anticipation of their kiss.

But, as Keats suggests by the end, being frozen in the anticipation is sorrowful. The lovers never get to taste the kiss, experience the passion, build a relationship, start a family. (All breathing human passion far above, / That leaves a heart high-sorrowful and cloy'd, / A burning forehead, and a parching tongue.)

So, while the lovers never have to experience the pains of love, they also never get to experience the real ecstasy of love or real intimacy.

I liken this to my love for the “get to know you” phase with men, but my fear of anything beyond that might get painful or messy or really super complicated. But, if I stay there—in that frozen state of anticipation—I’ll miss out on real, passionate intimacy and love.

And just to reiterate, I LOVE then last few lines: 'Beauty is truth, truth beauty,—that is all
Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know.' Beautiful.

False Prophets

15"Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves.
Matthew 7:15

I think it is be difficult to discern God's will in our lives when we are surrounded by false prophets, offering advice, selling books, etc.

I've found that when I make a decision in my life that I feel like is God's will, the critics and false prophets seem to appear out of nowhere. And they are smart. They know how to offer advice in a way that makes it sound like it's coming straight from God, rather than serving their own selfish motives. They can twist around Scripture to make it appeal to whatever theory or outcome they would like played out.

But, I think there are ways to ward them off...to discern between a friend God is using to speak truth to you and a friend who is a false prophet--giving advice only for personal interests.

First, we have to remember that the Scriptures are truth. No well-written book or incredible sermon will ever stand next to the Bible. Just read it. Understanding Scripture in its context makes such a huge difference in being able to discern how another is using Scripture. Anything other than Scripture, while helpful/insightful, must be read and interpreted with a critical eye (or ear). Authors, even Christian authors, have personal motives just like the rest of us.

Second, in order to be aware of false prophets, we have to immerse ourself in a study of Scripture and of God, so that we can know how God uses man. The closer we are to God, the better we will be at deciphering between a false prophet and a genuine call from God.

Third, I think we have to question (on some level) advice given to us by our friends, spiritual leaders, etc. Is their advice motivated and supported by Scripture, or is it purely selfish? Do they have their own interests in the decisions/actions you are doing? This is hard.

Don't get me wrong, I have read books (other than the Bible) that have changed my life. I daily get advice from friends that is more powerful than I could have tried to figure out on my own. I believe with my whole heart that God uses other people in our lives to reach out to us and express his will for our lives. He uses people to hold us accountable for our actions and to live out our mission in life.

But, we have to be careful of false prophets. We have to always be discerning in the advice we follow and the theories to which we adhere. They must be supported by Scripture because Scripture is truth. Always.

The Good Life

Dogs have it made. I love this commercial.

No Fear

When I was 15, two dogs attacked me. I was in PA, visiting my grandma, and went running. I had my walkman with me (remember those? tape player and FM radio?), so I couldn't hear very well. Eventually, I heard loud barking and turned around to see two giant dogs (a huskie and a German shepard) sprinting after me. Not having grown up with dogs, I panicked and screamed and basically ran faster. If you know anything about dogs, they love a good chase...and four legs are faster than two. Needless to say, it didn't end well, and among other things, I lost my walkman to the ferocious beasts.


After that, I was scared to death to run outside by myself. Every time I heard a little jingle of a dog collar, I immediately would become almost paralyzed with fear. Often, I would just turn around and not even venture down a portion of a street if I heard barking. This went on for a while. Even in college, dogs scared me when I would go running.

When I was in law school, I dated a guy who had a dog...and literally, I thought we could never be serious because of my fear of dogs. But, then, I started to like the dog, and began realizing that not ALL dogs want to chomp off your hands or maul you. We didn't date that long, but it wasn't long after that experience that I decided I had to have a dog...that if I could train and learn about dogs, then I wouldn't be afraid of them. (I realize this sounds kind of after school special-ish, but it's true.) So, I bought my dog (she's all of 13 pounds--I had to start small) and took her to 2 sessions of obedience class, more to socialize ME to other dogs than her. Often in the classes, we would have to exchange dogs and I hated when I would get the rotweiller or hyperactive dalmatian, but it was so good for me. Now, I LOVE dogs. It's a pretty amazing turnaround.

Bottom line, making decisions out of fear is no good. I have done this many times, but making decisions in an attempt to protect ourselves from hurt prevents growth, and keeps us from truly experiencing the abundant life God promises us. As I get older and accumulate more "scars" if you will, I am realizing that it's harder to make decisions free from fear. I am less willing to take risks because I base my actions on what I predict the outcome will be.

But, that doesn't work. If I had never overcome my fear of dogs (and of running by dogs), I would be running on a treadmill and would have missed out on some amazing places I've run by myself. The runs would be boring. In the same way, allowing fear to motivate my actions and decisions creates a boring existence. I want adventure. I want to take risks. And, really, what is there to even be afraid of? If I believe in the Gospel, then even death itself is an upgrade.

I was pretty afraid to take a new job. It is a risky move on my part--I know absolutely nothing about the area of law in which I now will be practicing (and by nothing, I mean I never took a class on it in law school and it is hardly even tested on the Bar exam, so yea, NOTHING is the extent of my knowledge). It's in a city I barely know. I am leaving a safe, easy job that I am pretty good at because, well, it got boring. The risk of a more exciting job, in a more exciting place, is stronger than safety. And while there is always more chance of being hurt and making mistakes when you stop playing it safe, in the end, I truly believe a wise risk is worth taking--and will lead to a much more passionate and meaningful life.