If feminism is alive, is chivalry dead?

This morning I was running up the steep hill on Clifton Avenue. At the corner of Clifton and MLK, I went to cross the street. I had a WALK symbol. There is a right-turn only lane, and this black car did not appear to be slowing down. So, I waited for him to turn right before running across the street. He suddenly slammed on his breaks and yelled "F*ck you, lady. Nice legs b**ch." Seriously?

While this is perhaps an extreme example, I'm convinced that more and more men choose to be jerks-not gentlemen. I spent the rest of my run completely pissed off at this jerk. And I kept thinking, a gentleman is a rare find these days.

At work, most men will hold the door open for other women and will wait to exit the elevator until the ladies have exited, but many younger men do not. When I say "younger" I mean men younger than myself. In court, if all the chairs for attorneys are full, most older male attorneys will get up and offer me the seat. While I don't necessarily always take it, the gesture is appreciated. I often witness my male-age counterparts offering no such thing.

Perhaps parents are to blame. Not only do they permit their young boys (and girls) to listen to sexist, degrading music, but they purchase the music for their children. Wake up. Do you expect your sons to respect women when they listen to music calling women "bitches" and/or "hoes"? Doubtful. I don't blame everything on music, advertising, and television; but I sometimes think we underestimate its effect on kids (and adults!).

Our society embraces television shows (a la The Bachelor, The Real World ) that degrade women and are complete sexist trash. In these shows, women are portrayed as crazy psychos who are only good for sex-and once the sex is over are properly discarded and exchanged for another woman. Somehow, along the way, the "how to treat a lady" lesson was forgotten. Maybe the wake of feminism brought with it the end of chivalry. Who knows.

This I do know: Women should be cherished, not merely tolerated.

And women, you're not off the hook. Stop being in relationships with men who treat you like garbage. Stop dressing like a tramp and expecting to be respected. I'm not excusing male behavior, but say I were wearing a SUPER short skirt (there are some SHORT ones out there today that seriously do not cover anything), I might not have been as surprised by that car driver making that comment. On some level-our clothing invites a certain kind of response. Again, I'm not excusing it, but don't play the victim, ladies.

I am lucky to have found a man who, a year into our relationship, still opens the car dooor for me-and beyond that, respects me. Rare indeed.