Wednesday Confessions...

I hate to admit it, but today...

-I watched 3 episodes of John and Kate Plus 8 on TLC

-I realized I really like Raising the Bar even though it grossly distorts the justice system and idealizes public defenders

-I had to park two streets over because I couldn't parallel park in a spot in front of my house

-I made my dog run for 15 minutes instead of taking her on a 30 minute walk...she came home and threw up. I felt bad.

-For dinner I ate squash, tomatoes, an english muffin and glass of red wine. 

-I had half a bag of candy corn for lunch! (hence the veggies for din)

-I felt ridiculously insecure at the rec center tonight. All the young, gorgeous, skinny students are back on campus. Time to workout in the am with the rest of the average-bodied people.

-I drove to the rec. It's not a long walk nor a long bike ride. But, I drove. And I parked so far away I might as well have walked! (But, when I came home there was an open parking spot!)

-I mentally cussed out two car owners for taking up spots in front of my apartment where 3 cars could've fit!

-I'm still super sore from a gym class I took on MONDAY. Out of shape much?

All in a day's work, huh? :-) 

Tomorrow the Office is back. Woohoo!

My favorite cheesey Christian song

What I know and what I believe about God are often different. There have been times that while I knew God was good, I believed God was punishing me for failing and making mistakes.  I can recall actually thinking in my mind while praying-why bother with this with how messy my life is right now. And while I know that God hears the prayers of and loves the messiest of us, it's easy to believe quite the opposite.

I've only recently returned to really believing, not just knowing, that God is love-and this means He is and will always be rewriting my story into something that glorifies Him. Through everything-my mistakes, my messes, my triumphs-through it all, God is leading me in love. 

When I was going through a particularly bad time, my sister made me a CD full of Christian music--the perfect cure!  Now, I don't tend to be drawn to Christian music, but there is a song on this CD that I love. I dare say it is my favorite cheesey Christian song. The first time I listened to it, in the midst of pain, bad decisions, and feeling quite far from God-I listened and knew that I had to get through that hard time, that God had a purpose and a plan. But, I didn't really believe it. 

I dug out this old CD the other day and this song has been on repeat because now, I can look back and see that through that entire messy, sinful, misbelieving time God was there-leading me in love. While then I knew, but couldn't believe, today I can look back and believe. And I think that's pretty sweet.

Lead of Love

Looking back at the road so far

The journey's left its share of scars

Mostly from leaving the narrow and straight

Looking back it is clear to me

That a man is more than the sum of his deeds

And how You've made good of this mess I've made

Is a profound mystery

Looking back You know 

You had to bring me through

All that I was so afraid of

Though I questioned the sky

Now I see why

Had to walk the rocks to see the mountain view

Looking back I see the lead of love

Looking bak I can finally see

How failures bring humility

I'd rather have wisdom and pain

Brings me to my knees

Than be a comfortable old fool

Helps me see my need for thee

Looking back You know

You had to bring me through

All that I was so afraid of

Though I questioned the sky

Now I see why

Had to walk the rocks to see the mountain view

Looking back I see the lead of love

-Caedmon's Call

Are you superstitious?

I'm not. Or, at least I'd like to believe I'm not. But then again...

In 2006, when the Steelers won their last SuperBowl, my grandma (the Steelers' fan that she is) bought me 2 t-shirts. One was an AFC Championship t-shirt and the other was a SuperBowl Champions t-shirt. I wore the AFC Champs shirt during the SuperBowl that the Steelers ultimately won.

Now, I have several Steelers' shirts, and in the seasons following the SuperBowl I'd wear any of them. I started to realize that when I wore the AFC Champs shirt, the Steelers would win. I know, I know-mere coincidence, right? WRONG.

I'm testing it this season. First two games I wore it-they won. Yesterday, I lent it to Jana because none of her Steelers' gear was clean. AND THEY LOST.

So-I'm sorry Pittsburgh. This is completely my fault. Don't blame it on the offensive line, or Ben being sacked 8 times, or on a terrible coaching call to not go for the field goal at the end of the game. It's my fault for not wearing that magical AFC Champs t-shirt. I won't make that mistake again.

Witnessing Brokenness

He who does not weep, does not see.

-Les Miserables

Do the struggles of this life ever bring you to tears? There are moments that I can't help but weep for the broken hearts, messed up lives, and chaos in which we live. 

The past three days I've indirectly witnessed the extreme brokenness of this world-that, this evening, has brought me to tears. Tears not for me or my individual circumstances (which are actually quite great), but for the stronghold that sin has on our world-and our relationships. 

Specifically, I heard two separate stories of marriages ruined by infidelity--marriages that are only a few years old. One couple is in the early stages-the other spouse may not even know. The second couple is past the infidelity and on their way to a divorce. The scorned spouse now making decisions that will likely scar her for years to come. This morning at the Vineyard, I heard an inspiring, amazing guest speaker talk about her ministry to orphans internationally. She told one story of a 15 year old girl who was traded by her uncle to pay off financial debts.   The girl was sexually violated over 200 times by the creditor; eventually bearing a child who she was never allowed to see, until by literally a miracle of God, the baby was adopted by another family. 

The thing is-these stories aren't rare. They are the norm. And instead of trying to understand the greatness of this brokenness, I so often choose to simply close my eyes. To avoid it. To focus completely on myself. 

And while I don't think we should dwell on the universality of pain in this world; I think when we close our eyes to the injustices we can so easily see, we are choosing to be unavailable to God. Because when you really see the injustice and pain of people living on this Earth, why wouldn't you want to do anything God would empower you to do to heal and offer hope to those struggling? 

I believe God wants to bless this world, to bless His creation. And I believe we can take part in that by simply opening our eyes, and really seeing and feeling for the broken lives in this world.

God help us

I just read this:

That sentiment is echoed by Beth Seidel, a factory worker in Cleveland who works the third shift so she can take her son to school and then to practices for the four sports he plays. Pausing recently at a Wal-Mart, she said: "Honestly, I don't know what to do. I really don't want to vote for McCain. You can tell he only cares about rich people. Sarah Palin wears glasses that cost $300. McCain's wife wears Gucci clothes. Which means they don't know anything about people like me." Into that stew of assumptions, she adds: "I hear that Obama's a Muslim. If he is a Muslim, that would be a problem, because the terrorists already attacked us." (He's not.)

-extracted from Maxed-Out Moms: The Battleground Voting Bloc featured at Time magazine.

These are the people who vote and consider themselves "educated" on the candidates. Does this scare you at all? It does me. I guess the important thing to note is she shops at Wal-Mart.

If feminism is alive, is chivalry dead?

This morning I was running up the steep hill on Clifton Avenue. At the corner of Clifton and MLK, I went to cross the street. I had a WALK symbol. There is a right-turn only lane, and this black car did not appear to be slowing down. So, I waited for him to turn right before running across the street. He suddenly slammed on his breaks and yelled "F*ck you, lady. Nice legs b**ch." Seriously?

While this is perhaps an extreme example, I'm convinced that more and more men choose to be jerks-not gentlemen. I spent the rest of my run completely pissed off at this jerk. And I kept thinking, a gentleman is a rare find these days.

At work, most men will hold the door open for other women and will wait to exit the elevator until the ladies have exited, but many younger men do not. When I say "younger" I mean men younger than myself. In court, if all the chairs for attorneys are full, most older male attorneys will get up and offer me the seat. While I don't necessarily always take it, the gesture is appreciated. I often witness my male-age counterparts offering no such thing.

Perhaps parents are to blame. Not only do they permit their young boys (and girls) to listen to sexist, degrading music, but they purchase the music for their children. Wake up. Do you expect your sons to respect women when they listen to music calling women "bitches" and/or "hoes"? Doubtful. I don't blame everything on music, advertising, and television; but I sometimes think we underestimate its effect on kids (and adults!).

Our society embraces television shows (a la The Bachelor, The Real World ) that degrade women and are complete sexist trash. In these shows, women are portrayed as crazy psychos who are only good for sex-and once the sex is over are properly discarded and exchanged for another woman. Somehow, along the way, the "how to treat a lady" lesson was forgotten. Maybe the wake of feminism brought with it the end of chivalry. Who knows.

This I do know: Women should be cherished, not merely tolerated.

And women, you're not off the hook. Stop being in relationships with men who treat you like garbage. Stop dressing like a tramp and expecting to be respected. I'm not excusing male behavior, but say I were wearing a SUPER short skirt (there are some SHORT ones out there today that seriously do not cover anything), I might not have been as surprised by that car driver making that comment. On some level-our clothing invites a certain kind of response. Again, I'm not excusing it, but don't play the victim, ladies.

I am lucky to have found a man who, a year into our relationship, still opens the car dooor for me-and beyond that, respects me. Rare indeed.

not a pretty picture

I just finished my morning review of cincinnati.com to read the headline stories. Take a look. The big picture on the website is of a boy eating dinner somewhere because he has no power.
Notice anything strange?


I did. His mohawk hair cut. What is the deal? I've seen so many mohawk haircuts on boys this past summer and I really do not understand this trend. It looks ridiculous. I think they even call them "faux"hawks because it's not all tall and spikey. The "faux"hawk is sick.



It's almost as bad as the rat tail, which was cool when I was an elementary kid.

I was critical until I tried the nuts.

My roommate Jabs has decided to "go vegan" for 4 days. Yesterday I arrived home from work to a variety of interesting aromas in our apartment as Jabs had been cooking vegan meals all day. My initial reaction--SICK. I like meat. I don't understand the concept behind "meatless meats." I've tried Tofu. While it's relatively tasteless, its texture automatically invokes my gag reflex. I definitely think we all eat too much processed food, should try to buy local meats and produce, and do not consume nearly enough veggies, but I'd never go as far as to promote vegan-ism.

So after I criticized the vegan entrees stuffed into our fridge, I noticed the roasted/seasoned mixed nuts fresh out of the oven. Delicious! I'm not sure nuts classify as "vegan" fare, but I'm guessing the seasonings were organic or some such thing. Either way-tasty!

Fiona, however disagrees. She showed her distaste for all things vegan this morning when she woke me up at 5:30a.m. by puking up a gigantic "vegan" brazil nut. Dogs aren't supposed to have nuts, they can be poisonous. I'm assuming she found this on the floor somewhere.

Thank God we have hard wood floors.

Lesson learned: Don't hate all things vegan just because they are called vegan.

The VGT's Omnivore 100

VGT--very good taste--based out of the UK has created a list of 100 things that every omnivore who has very good taste should try. I saw this on a friend of mine's blog and thought it looked fun. I've bolded the ones I've eaten. I think the list is nuts! I want to make my own-just because you've eaten "roadkill" does not mean you have good taste!

1. Venison
2. Nettle Tea
3. Huevos rancheros
4. Steak Tartare (against my will!)
5. Crocodile
6. Black pudding
7. Cheese fondue
8. Carp
9. Borscht
10. Baba ghanoush
11. Calamari
12. Pho
13. PB&J Sandwich
14. Aloo gobi
15. Hot dog from street cart
16. Epoisses (huh?)
17. Black truffle
18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes
19. Steamed pork buns
20. Pistachio ice cream
21. Heirloom tomatoes
22. Fresh wild berries
23. Foie gras (sick)
24. Rice and beans
25. Brawn or head cheese
26. Raw Scotch Bonnet Pepper
27. Dulce de leche
28. Oysters
29. Baklava
30. Bagna cauda
31. Wasabi peas (sick)
32. Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl (In san francisco!)
33. Salted lassi
34. Sauerkraut
35. Root beer float
36. Cognac with a fat cigar
37. Clotted cream tea
38. Vodka jell-o
39. Gumbo
40. Oxtail
41. Curried goat
42. Whole insects (seriously?)
43. PHaal
44. Goat's milk
45. Malt whisky from a bottle worth $120 or more
46. Fugu
47. Chicken Marsala
48. Eel
49. Krispy Kreme glazed donut
50. Sea urchin
51. Prickly pear (does the juice count?)
52. Umeboshi
53. Abalone
54. Paneer
55. McDonald's Big Mac Meal (never had a big mac!)
56. Spaetzle
57. Dirty gin martini
58. Beer above 8% ABV
59. Poutine
60. Carob chips (sick)
61. S'mores
62. Sweetbreads
63. Caolin
64. Currywurst
65. DUrian
66. Frog legs
67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears, or funnel cake
68. Haggis
69. Fried plantain
70. Chitterlings
71. Gazpacho
72. Caviar and blini
73. Louche or absinthe
74. Gjetost or brunost
75. Roadkill
76. Baiju
77. Hostess Fruit Pie
78. Snail
79. Lapsang souchong
80. Bellini
81. Tom yum
82. Eggs Benedict
83. Pocky
84. Tasting menu at a 3 Michelin star restaurant
85. Kobe beef
86. Hare
87. Goulash
88. Flowers (do the candy ones on a cake count?)
89. Horse
90. Criollo chocolate
91. Spam
92. Soft shell crab (nasty)
93. Rose harissa
94. Catfish
95. Mole poblano
96. Bagel and lox
97. Lobster Thermidor
98. Polenta
99. Jamaican Blue Mountain Coffee
100. Snake

Blackout '08

Did you survive the wind yesterday? I am one of the lucky ones to still have power. Aside from some flickering lights, my apartment never lost power and luckily there were no huge branches on my car when I woke up. I was really hoping downtown would lose all power and we'd have no work, but I guess there aren't enough trees downtown to cause any real damage.

But, we now have casual week at work because so many people don't have power!

I walked out during the windstorm to fix the fuse (our air conditioner went out!). It was nuts-debris flying everywhere. It made me wonder how bad it would be to actually be in Texas where Hurricane Ike actually hit. Unbelievable.

At least the wind didn't stop the Steelers from beating the Browns!! woohoo!

Can we really have it all?

The response to Sarah Palin has been quite intense. With the media all a-buzz about her, it seems she is just the jolt the previously uninteresting McCain campaign needed. On several elevator rides in my office, colleagues have asked me what I think about her. Mostly they ask because I am a woman.

And it seems the so-called "Mommy Wars" are on again. I hear women criticizing her because she can't possibly balance a high-stress job and taking care of a baby (not to mention her other children/future grandchild.) Then there are the women who praise her for being an example of a modern-day woman who can do it all-successful career and mother. Then there are the women who question how she can stand for working women while being a member of the Republican party-a party who has generally opposed legislation favorable to working parents (i.e. Family Medical Leave Act).

Who knows. I do know, however, that women are incredibly critical of each other. Stay at home moms criticize working mothers, and vice versa. I'm not sure why, but women really seem to struggle so much with their roles and/or identities. For example, I like to work. I enjoy waking up and driving downtown, walking to my office and being a lawyer. Sure, some days I don't love dealing with the day to day junk-but overall, I like having a job, getting a paycheck, reading and researching and finding solutions to legal problems. Often, if I am home for more than a day, I get kind of depressed.

BUT, what if I never have children? Have I denied myself the chance to fulfill whath some might say is my "true" calling to be a mother? What if I do have children, but also work? Am I somehow preventing my children from feeling secure or having a "good" childhood? I don't think I'd do very well staying at home all day. My dog drives me crazy from time to time--imagine me with a child! :-)

I may never have answers to these questions. But, it just seems like most of the pressure comes from other women. My mom grew up with the feminist movement. She never let me dress up as a princess for halloween (to this day I remember that!). She would've been disappointed if I came back from my first year of college with a fiance. She wanted me to go to school, get a job, then--if I wanted--have a family.

But friends my own age seem to be doing the opposite. Many of my friends from high school and college who have children are quitting their jobs to stay home with their children. Obviously, some women don't have that choice. Money is always an issue. But, it's interesting to see a new trend away from trying to have it all. Women seem to be making a choice between career and children. Whether we can or can't "have it all" I think we need to stop being so hard on each other. It just seems kind of silly.

The response to a bad day

What We Feel is Not Who We Are
Our emotional lives move up and down constantly. Sometimes we experience great mood swings: from excitement to depression, from joy to sorrow, from inner harmony to inner chaos. A little event, a word from someone, a disappointment in work, many things can trigger such mood swings. Mostly we have little control over these changes. It seem they happen to us rather then being created by us.

Thus, it is important to know that our emotional life is not the same as our spiritual life. Our spiritual life is the life of the Spirit of God within us. As we feel our emotions shift we must connect our spirits with the Spirit of God and remind ourselves that what we feel is not who we are. We are and remain, whatever our moods, God's beloved children.
-Henri Nouwen, Bread for the Journey

I (and those around me) often become victims of my mood. I've been quite stressed this week--leaky bathroom situation in the apartment, barking dog (which is getting much better by the way!), impending deadlines and judge-craziness at work. While I can't necessarily control these things, I want to overcome the mood that seems to develop from having a "bad" day. First, it's unfair to those around me to have to live with my mood, and secondly, I allow myself to be defined by whatever happens on a given day--instead of clinging to my true identity, a beloved child of God.

Bad, frustrating things will happen. The key is to be able to continue to rejoice despite unfortunate, inconvenient circumstances. Being disciplined in prayer and reading Scripture , I think, is what it takes to lessen the power my moods have over me.

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I shall say it again: rejoice! Your kindness should be known to all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God. Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4: 4-7

True Story

Tonight Jana and I went to week 1 of a 9 week bible study. After the video we broke into smaller groups. As an ice breaker, our leader (they actually call them "facilitators" but we all know they are really leaders) asked us to say our name and why we were here.

After I went, the following transpired:

Jana: Hi, I'm Jana. I'm actually roommates with Liz."

Facilitator: Oh, wow, what college do you guys go to?

Jana (and I): We're adults. We aren't in school. (But thanks for the compliment!)

Jana: We're roommates... but, I mean, we both have boyfriends and stuff. So, you know, it's not like that.

Facilitator: Oh, that's great...great you both have boyfriends.

(awkward laughter)

Seriously? I'm sure everyone assumed we were gay since we are post-college and living with someone who is not our husband. I haven't laughed that hard in a while...

Fire!

The fire alarm went off this morning at work (someone probably didn't shut the door when making popcorn!) . I am on the 12th floor. It took approximately 30 minutes for me to get outside using the stairs.

In the event of a "real" fire, I will take my chances and wait for a fireman to rescue me. The odds of surviving are probably better jumping out the window than waiting 30 minutes to get downstairs.

*sigh*

woof woof

So last night, my precious dog decided that I had been getting far too much sleep. She decided she would bark every time someone came into our apartment building, or anytime she could hear people walking around in our apartment, or anytime the wind blew. (ok, not really on the last one) It's hard for her because people are awake and moving around until like 2 a.m. I'm beginning to think living in an apartment was not a smart idea.

I am exhausted. I almost ordered her a bark collar last night online. I really don't want to do that, but I also enjoy my sleep! She's such a high-strung dog (so different from her owner) and every time she hears a noise, she wants to alert me to it. Eventually, I filled up a cup of water and would dump some on her when she'd bark. It seemed to work. Kinda. The following don't work at all:

-ignorning her

-grabbing her mouth shut and saying "no bark"

-forcing her to lay down

-holding her (this works until I fall asleep and she breaks free!)

I think investing in a spray bottle would be smart.

Lucky for us last night there was another dog in our apartment building. They decided that despite the walls and doors, they'd have a little conversation of their own. It reminded me of this Brian Regan joke about dogs barking at each other. I can't look up videos online at work, but it's hilarious.

Well, happy Monday. If you know how to stop a barking dog, I'd love your suggestions!

*Update--Needed a break from doing more work tonight and I found the video...enjoy!! 

Feels like fall (sorta)

This morning when I left for my run, it actually felt like fall outside. It had just stopped raining and there was a slight fall-ish chill in the air. It's starting to be dark out during my entire run again...just further confirmation fall is here.

And you know it's fall when the NFL season starts! Sunday the Steelers take on the Texans at 1:00p.m. I'm really looking forward to getting our cable hooked up so I can spend lazy Saturdays watching college football and lazy Sundays watching the Steelers. mmmmm, fall.

Oh, and Graeters had candy corn at its store downtown! I think I will go pick up some for my candy dish in my office.

The only thing we're missing now are pumpkins and color-changing leaves. I can't wait.

zzzzzzz

A faux fire drill (complete with 5 blaring fire trucks), neighbors who decided to hang their pictures (by pounding nails in the wall at midnight), sleeping on a couch while my bed is covered with dust due to bathroom repairs, and a whiny dog have left me quite exhausted this morning.

Thank God for coffee. And Thank God for the Mamma Mia! soundtrack I downloaded. This ought to keep me going...

Time warner-I don't need you...

So we have no cable tv until September 9 (that was the first available appointment the lovely monopoly Time Warner had). It's seemed so quiet in our apartment because I am so accustomed to having the television on in the background. The first few nights I read a book. In fact on Monday night I went to bed at 9:30p.m. because I didn't have the tv there to waste time watching.

Fast forward to last night when thanks to Kristen R., I was able to watch television on my computer. Hulu.com. The most amazing website ever. Ok, maybe not ever. But, it's pretty sweet. I'm tempted to skip purchasing cable and just buy a decent sized computer screen.

I was all set to watch Bones, which I've been wanting to take a look at, but then I saw One Tree Hill on there. A few years ago I sporadically watched One Tree Hill (back when I was looking to fill the void Dawson's Creek left behind), but caught it like 2 seasons in. Last night I watched the first 3 episodes!

I know, I know...I should be spending my evenings after work engaging in conversation, or reading a book, or just being alone with my thoughts. But, how can I do that when there is a website that has old episodes of Alf and Who's the Boss?!

Tribute to Cornell

I realized I never wrote a post about my housemates at Cornell. For one year, we shared our lives with each other. (Some of us more than others-Jana does not believe in doors). I admit I am not a good roommate. I like to be alone. I hate sharing (I realize that doesn't really make sense considering I'm a twin and have shared everything my entire life). But, the year went smoothly.

So-here goes, my roomies 2007-2008:

Rachel-Resident man-of-the-house. Ate more yogurt and cheese during the year than I have had in the last 5. Baby-sitter, dog-sitter, student, teacher, bike-rider Harry Potter devotee. My favorite Rachel moment was when the storm window came off the hinges and she was perfectly balanced on the window ledge outside and somehow managed to successfully remove the window, lower it down to Steve and come back inside the house without falling. She also makes some tasty meatballs.

Emily-Resident Nurse (for real! he he), fiance, self-named health food nut, Top Chef addict, also enjoys Little House on the Prairie! (we finally tracked down who was dvr-ing that show ;-) ). My favorite Emily moment-when Jason was in Colombia the battery in his Jeep died. We tried to get Jana's car to reach to jump, but it wouldn't quite fit. Emily suggested connecting two jumper cables together so they would reach. We didn't do that, but we still managed to melt the jumper cables and kill whatever life was left in the battery-all while leaving the Jeep nearly dangling at the end of the hill on our driveway.

Jana-resident nudist (ok, kidding, but nearly!), dislikes doors and boundaries of any sorts, giver--lends at least two pillows per night for Fi to sleep on, whirly pop-chef, sometimes a Steelers fan (sometimes a Bengals fan, sometimes a Browns fan). My favorite Jana story--Jana will clean not regularly, but impulsively. One night, around 11:30pm she decided to scrub the kitchen floor--wearing nothing but a tank top (see nudist comment above).

Jokes aside, I was very lucky to live with three very considerate, flexible women (flexible as in laid-back, not flexible like gymnasts). Particularly since I was the one with the yappy, annoying dog. All three took care of my dog like she was their own. Whether we were celebrating with a big party, or just sitting around watching an episode of Top Chef, it was a great year and I really enjoyed spending it living with these three. I learned a lot about my(selfish)self. Living with people can be hard, but these three made it fun. I will always have good memories of my first year living in Cincinnati, thanks Cornell ladies!

all moved in...

It feels great to finally be moved in and settled. I sat down in my new cozy reading chair (thanks Steve!) and realized it has been five days since I opened my Bible. (gasp!) That is partly because I had my books packed 5 days ago in preparation for this past weekend's move. No big deal, right? 

This weekend I found myself to be grouchy, resentful, short-tempered--basically a joy to be around. Certainly part of that had to do with the stress of moving. But, some of it too, had to do with the lack of spending time with God. I know it did.

When I go for a stretch without reading Scripture or praying and confessing, it seems I have very real physical "symptoms." I can be irritable, quickly frustrated, and overly-sensitive.  Because it is in those times, that I am relying mostly on myself and other people. Obviously, I get let down (I'm not perfect!). It may sound cheesey, but these "symptoms" are a strong indication that I need time with God. 

When I sat down tonight and spent time reading Scripture, I just reminded myself that only God can provide true security. Only in Him can my needs ever be completely met. I need Him.