No More Mudpies, please!

DISCLAIMER**I love Cinderella, I want to be swept off my feet again by an amazing love, I think men are wonderful**

Women, sometimes I think we are too easily pleased by men. Men appear to offer us security, perhaps satisfy desires, flatter us; and yet consistently leave us unfulfilled, wanting more, and let down. Why, then, do we always want to make those relationships work—no matter how unhealthy, no matter how far they may take us from God or our friends?
I feel like most women see marriage as a goal in life, a destination, that until reached, life can’t be complete or ever enough. And it’s worse among Christian women. Now, don’t misunderstand me, I want to be married, I think we are designed for companionship; but I think sometimes we miss the point when it comes to men. Here are some ways I think women miss the point when it comes to men:

1. Men are human and thus will fail to meet our expectations for a prince/hero/fill in your dream description here. As sad as it is, men will always disappoint us, just like we will always disappoint men—at least on some level.

2. If a man doesn’t bring you closer to God, the relationship isn’t right. I really feel this to be true—from experience—I’m not airing my personal experiences on my blog, but just trust me that I have enough experience here to make this statement.

3. We enable men to be less than they should by making excuses for their shortcomings, continually accepting subpar treatment, and compromising our faith in exchange for a relationship with a man who doesn’t strengthen us spiritually.

4. We need to stop blaming men for being jerks and players and start taking part of the blame ourselves. We have too often allowed our longing to be desired get in the way of waiting for a man who can love us the way God intended. Don’t get me wrong, I have my “men suck” moments (well quite often really), but more times than not it’s really a “wow I can’t believe she/I let that happen” moment.

5. No man will ever complete you. Ever. Stop waiting for the Jerry Maguire moment and start strengthening your relationship with God. I realize I’m cynical and this is all a result of my own unhealthy relationships, but these broken relationships have taught me time and time again that my needs will NEVER completely be met by a man.

6. We can’t possibly expect to be good wives/girlfriends if we need our husband or boyfriend to feel satisfied, worthy, or fulfilled. I realize love is addicting, that feeling of being cared for and desired is incredible. Falling in love is the best feeling in this world, hands down. But it also takes us to a place where we are willing to do anything to continue having that feeling. Whether it’s agreeing to watch Monday night football when you hate it or slowly allowing yourself to move away from God, we as women go out of our way to accommodate men (or at least I have) in order to keep that intoxicating love feeling going. I’m not saying relationships aren’t work, I’m just saying we should have our needs fulfilled by something more. God promises us an abundant life, we shouldn’t settle for less.

Only when we take the someday-my-prince-will-come blinders and start letting God fulfill our needs rather than expecting a man to do it will we ever become the women/girlfriends/wives we should and can be. Otherwise, I truly believe that we are accepting substitutes. Men can provide so much for us, but when we expect them to provide it all, we will at some point be incredibly lost and disappointed. Perhaps our desires for husbands and great boyfriends aren’t so strong, but instead so weak. As C.S. Lewis wrote (and advice given to me by my sister before):

Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desires, not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.

Don’t be so easily pleased…

I have more thoughts, but at the moment my dog is going crazy barking at a stupid excuse for a Christmas decoration blow up polar bear across the street and I need to go shut her up before the neighbors come yell at me…