The Good Life

Dogs have it made. I love this commercial.

No Fear

When I was 15, two dogs attacked me. I was in PA, visiting my grandma, and went running. I had my walkman with me (remember those? tape player and FM radio?), so I couldn't hear very well. Eventually, I heard loud barking and turned around to see two giant dogs (a huskie and a German shepard) sprinting after me. Not having grown up with dogs, I panicked and screamed and basically ran faster. If you know anything about dogs, they love a good chase...and four legs are faster than two. Needless to say, it didn't end well, and among other things, I lost my walkman to the ferocious beasts.


After that, I was scared to death to run outside by myself. Every time I heard a little jingle of a dog collar, I immediately would become almost paralyzed with fear. Often, I would just turn around and not even venture down a portion of a street if I heard barking. This went on for a while. Even in college, dogs scared me when I would go running.

When I was in law school, I dated a guy who had a dog...and literally, I thought we could never be serious because of my fear of dogs. But, then, I started to like the dog, and began realizing that not ALL dogs want to chomp off your hands or maul you. We didn't date that long, but it wasn't long after that experience that I decided I had to have a dog...that if I could train and learn about dogs, then I wouldn't be afraid of them. (I realize this sounds kind of after school special-ish, but it's true.) So, I bought my dog (she's all of 13 pounds--I had to start small) and took her to 2 sessions of obedience class, more to socialize ME to other dogs than her. Often in the classes, we would have to exchange dogs and I hated when I would get the rotweiller or hyperactive dalmatian, but it was so good for me. Now, I LOVE dogs. It's a pretty amazing turnaround.

Bottom line, making decisions out of fear is no good. I have done this many times, but making decisions in an attempt to protect ourselves from hurt prevents growth, and keeps us from truly experiencing the abundant life God promises us. As I get older and accumulate more "scars" if you will, I am realizing that it's harder to make decisions free from fear. I am less willing to take risks because I base my actions on what I predict the outcome will be.

But, that doesn't work. If I had never overcome my fear of dogs (and of running by dogs), I would be running on a treadmill and would have missed out on some amazing places I've run by myself. The runs would be boring. In the same way, allowing fear to motivate my actions and decisions creates a boring existence. I want adventure. I want to take risks. And, really, what is there to even be afraid of? If I believe in the Gospel, then even death itself is an upgrade.

I was pretty afraid to take a new job. It is a risky move on my part--I know absolutely nothing about the area of law in which I now will be practicing (and by nothing, I mean I never took a class on it in law school and it is hardly even tested on the Bar exam, so yea, NOTHING is the extent of my knowledge). It's in a city I barely know. I am leaving a safe, easy job that I am pretty good at because, well, it got boring. The risk of a more exciting job, in a more exciting place, is stronger than safety. And while there is always more chance of being hurt and making mistakes when you stop playing it safe, in the end, I truly believe a wise risk is worth taking--and will lead to a much more passionate and meaningful life.

Mom!

There's a lot I could say about my mom--how she likes to be suntanned, drives like a maniac, how I've never actually seen her go under the water in a pool or ocean, how she will probably never actually retire from teaching, taught me never to seek comfort in food-but instead in shopping, is an amazing cook...but what I love the most about my relationship with my mother is that over the years we have become great friends. And I mean that. I can tell her things and be honest about stuff that most people wouldn't ever consider sharing with their mother. She's honest with her advice (harsh at times), and doesn't let me waste time moping. She's definitely high strung and nutty (good thing I didn't inherit that...oh wait...), but one of the most sensitive and generous people I know. A creative writer (for my 21st birthday she wrote me a poem...and she used iambic pentameter), a witty joke teller--she is always the life of the party.

So, Happy Mother's Day, mom. You really are the best! Thanks for sharing your enthusiasm for life with me (and for never screening my calls! ). Love you.

because Fridays are fun

Marsha just made my day by showing me this.

Check it out...

http://gizoogle.com/

Enter your favorite web address and prepare to be entertained.

TGIF

I think every Friday blog should be entitled "TGIF" from here on out. So, I've got three more days at Lexis. Craziness. I'm really excited about my new job--just ask me and I'll go on and on about it...I'm very nervous about figuring out where I am going--but that is what my three days off next week are for. Hopefully that will give me enough time to learn to navigate my way around. There's one drawback to leaving, though.

You see, I have this elevator/parking lot boyfriend. And we will probably have to break up. For nearly 5 months now we cross paths every morning, every lunch, and every evening in the parking lot (in our cars) and then in the elevator. What started as a casual nod and a "thanks" one day for stopping the elevator has transformed into eye flirting, coy smiles, and "how is your day going". Today he even blurted out a "you look really nice today." I just recently learned he works in my department and finally learned his name. (I almost didn't want to know his name, I liked the mystery better). So, maybe on my last day out of the elevator I'll just slip him my number and say "call me." And that will be our last conversation...or maybe I will always wonder what might have been :) It's amazing what you can get the guts to do when you've got nothing to lose.

***

On a completely unrelated note (hence the three asterisks), I am headed to T-Town for the weekend for Mother's Day. My Dad also has a golf outing planned--at a nice course--always good to learn humility, right? Two weekends ago, my brother taught me how to turn my right wrist over (or something) at the end of my swing--and the ball has been going much straighter, which is an excellent improvement as I usually hit it directly to the right, so maybe I can beat my mom. (a nice thing to do on Mother's Day).

Have a great weekend and Happy Mother's Day to all you moms!

REALLY?!?!

My idea for an episode of The Office would go something like this:

Someone brings in leftover cake for the whole department and sets it in the break room. Everybody runs in, knocking each other over for the stale cake. People get pissed when they don't get any. Dwight blames Phyllis for taking it all. Angela makes a comment about how she's so tiny and even though she ate a huge piece of stale cake, she still wears kids clothes. Later, it is revealed Michael commissioned Dwight to stash two pieces of the stale cake in his office. Again, the employees are pissed. Michael holds a meeting to explain why, since he's the regional manager, he is entitled to two pieces of stale cake.

Here's the thing...this would NOT be that different than the way people at my work respond to food left in the coffee room. It is insane! Yesterday, we had cakes brought in for a 20th anniversary for something in the office. There was enough for everybody. This morning there was an email sent out explaining that the leftover cake would be in the coffee room. I went in there, not 3 minutes later, to fill up on coffee, and you couldn't even get in the room. It's DAY OLD CAKE, people! I don't get it. (and this is not rare, anytime there is leftover food, people go crazy).

So, now, I am annoyed I can't fill up my coffee and have seemingly solved the American obesity problem--free food gets 'em every time.

Can't Hide From the Past

I became what I am today at the age of twelve, on a frigid overcast day--in the winter of 1975. I remember the precise moment, crouching behind a crumbling mud wall, peeking into the alley near the frozen creek. That was a long time ago, but it's wrong what they say about the past, I've learned, about how you can bury it. Because the past claws its way out. Looking back now, I realize I have been peeking into that deserted alley for the last twenty-six years.

The Kite Runner Chapter 1

This is the opening paragraph of Khaled Hosseini's The Kite Runner. When I first read this book two years ago, I was completely uninterested in it. But, I couldn't put it down. And now that I am re-reading it for our book club, I feel the same way.

I think this opening, for me, captures the idea that, while we want to move on/forget (or "bury" as Hosseini puts it) the past, our past always has a way of rearing its head. In the book, Amir betrays his best friend, Hassan. I won't spoil the book, but what he does (or doesn't do, rather) causes a whole series of things to happen. And as he grows up and eventually moves away from Kabul, his decisions and motives for doing things are constantly affected by his past--by his childhood, by his betrayal of Hassan.

(I am skipping over a lot here--the book goes into explicit, powerful detail of the fall of the Afghanistan monarchy and the Taliban presence there--it's amazing.)

But, back to my point. Near the end of the novel, Amir returns to Kabul after hearing the promise that "there is a way to be good again." Even after 15 years, Amir still seeks to atone for his moment of betrayal.

For me, as hard as I try to forget the past, mistakes, bad decisions, or the things I've done to hurt people--they will always be a part of me. I think the past can manifest itself in our insecurities and fears. The past will always shape the way we experience the future. Maybe our past makes us more fearful, or more courageous, or more prudent--but, you can never just pretend like it didn't happen. (not that you should dwell, either...but the past is there--to be learned from, to acknowledge and maybe even to be forgiven from)

And the best part of this book is that Amir does find a way to be good again. (You've got to read the book to find out how!) I kind of feel like in the past year I've found a way to be good again too...ok, well maybe not really "good"...but, I've discovered how to reconcile with my own "bad" past, without burying it. So, while the past may influence my future, it won't hamper or control it.

30 Days--Let the Countdown Begin

It has been 2 years since I was last in the Outer Banks. And in 30 short days I will be back! YES! It is the best vacation spot ever, hands down. I'm so looking forward to just relaxing on the beach with a great book and swimming in the ocean. Until then...

Nothing like a hot tub on the second floor deck during sunset

(my niece learned everything she knows about Frisbee from her Aunt Liz)

loved this weekend.

I had a fantastic day off work today. I went to bed around last night 11:30PM and did not wake up until 10! I haven't slept that hard in a while and it was great. I planted some flowers for my sister and took my dog on a 45 minute walk (she is sorely out of shape, I was practically dragging her at the end!) I also got $50 off my Verizon bill (thank God, $108 was a little steep) and arranged for some $ work to be done on my car. I also squeezed in a 45 minute nap (yep add that to the 10.5 hours of sleep) and some television. Let's just say most of these tasks proved quite difficult with the limited mobility in my legs. I'm pretty sure my neighbors think I am nuts walking down my steep driveway backwards. Oh well :-) Tomorrow a slow jog is in store, we will see how far I make it.

Speaking of great, this weekend was AWESOME: new job, Spider-man 3 (lots of up close shots of Harry's smile), my good friend Nicole visited (and ran the half marathon--WAY TO GO!), the Flying Pig marathon (complete with our own cheering squad--thanks Katy, Jana, Sarah, Sarah, Aaron, Evan, Bragg, Amy, Jason, Laura--I think I can still hear the ringing of Aaron's cowbell in my ear!), Marsha crossing the finishing line first (which I may NEVER hear the end of until next year's rematch), perfect running weather, a great time laughing, chatting, playing games (could use a little practicing on cornhole though), eating at the post-pig pig out.

Could not have asked for a better weekend. Wish me luck on figuring out how to exactly resign from the current job. That is tomorrow's task!

a side note--the girl across the street apparently is being tested on her ability to play the recorder (remember that grade school instrument?)...it's not going well...and with the nice weather the windows are open, and well, it'd be cool if she stopped playing, say, NOW!

A Great Weekend Ahead

There is so much going on this weekend! I get kind of stressed just thinking about it--really I just get stressed thinking about how I am going to figure out where to park for the Flying Pig AND get to the start by 6:30 when I don't even really know where the start is (hence why it is mandatory for Marsha to ride with me). When I ran the NYC marathon, the worst part of it was actually getting over to Staten Island for the start. BUT--this is Cincinnati, not New York city...I'm sure I'll manage :)

And although I'm sure you've already heard this (because the 5 of you who read my blog, probably read other people's blogs that say the same thing)...there is a big party after the Flying Pig from 4PM - 9PM at 650 Riddle Road in Clifton. Should be a fantastic time--lots of food, drinks, games, my friend Nicole, and the debut of one of my most prized possessions--my Wooster cornhole set! You would NOT want to miss out. A suggested $15 at the door gets you all this entertainment, food, drinks, and the entire $15 is being donated to Luz Y Vida, an orphanage in Bogota, Colombia (where some people will be traveling in July to donate the money and serve as well).

...and if you're tough enough to wake up early Sunday (and c'mon, you can sleep when you're dead!--my mother's favorite expression) come to Eggleston and Third and help cheer on the runners. What else could you possibly having going on at 6:30AM that is more important???

a few things

1. One of my best friends from college, Nicole, will be here in 2 days...spectacular!
2. Large trash pick up was this week in my neighborhood. And it's kind of scary. People drive around in large vans and trucks and go "shopping" for other people's junk. We put out an old lawn mower, vacuum, 2 doors, and some garden fencing and by morning there wasn't much left. After all my skepticism, my sister and I spotted a really nice dresser and vanity mirror down the street--only to be swept up by someone in like 5 seconds. One man's trash really is another man's treasure...
3. I have a really bad paper cut. I HATE paper cuts. They seem so insignificant, yet are so painful.
4. I have GOT to get to bed early tonight. I love 8 hours of sleep, 6 hours--not so much.
5. Tonight will be awesome--marion's! The best pizza ever--where they count out the exact number of paper plates/napkins you use and only accept cash. Which reminds me a trip to the ATM is in order.
6. I don't have to work Monday...ahhh fabulous.
7. Flying Pig Marathon (well half for yours truly) Sunday!
8. Excited about seeing a man in tights Friday night...already got my ticket...did you?!?!
9. My car battery decided to die yesterday morning. Luckily it chose to do so at a gas station, and the gas attendant man was quite helpful in jumping the battery (and giving me an "amazingly low" estimate on a new battery). On another note, I need to learn how to use jumper cables. Actually, I need to purchase some jumper cables. I need like a "car knowledge 101" course...how to change a tire, use jumper cables, parallel park...
10. I ordered 3 new books...and I can't WAIT until they come :-)

that's all i got...it's been a slightly uneventful week

He would be perfect if he existed.

I listened to the third talk in this series by Erwin McManus and his wife last night and his wife asked 3 single women to finish the sentence "he would be perfect if ____." One person responded, "if he existed." And it stuck with me because that's so me. Miss man-hating, negativity, there's-no-way-there's-"the one"-out-there-for-me-because-no-one-is-good-enough me. And while I definitely believe that having solid standards for choosing a spouse is crucial, I also think that having unreasonable expectations can be crippling in our search for our lifelong partner.

I have created this image in my head of the perfect husband--and he's the culmination of many factors. From failed relationships I know what I don't want--dishonesty, desperation, no passion, no ambition, actions driven solely by insecurity, etc. But, I think a lot of what I envision as this great husband, comes from fictional representations--movies, books, television--characters who men could never really be like in real life faced with the same circumstances. But, we kind of expect them to. And we're so disappointed when our men don't stand up to that fictional standard.

And the most interesting thing in all of this, is how none of my focus in finding my spouse is on me. The shift must move from them (the imperfect, ever-failing, always weak men) to me. If I'm so focused on the other person passing some checklist I have in my mind, how am I working and learning to be a good spouse myself? To be supportive, to be sympathetic, to be compassionate, to be humble. Clearly what I am teaching myself by examining any man I date so closely, is to be critical, to point out shortcomings, to highlight failures.

By placing the focus on me and on my character, I can put myself in a position to choose wisely, and also to choose confidently, without wondering when the person's failures will be revealed or when I will grow tired of him.

So today I say farewell to Mr. Darcy, Coach Chandler, Noah, Johnny Castle, Will Hunting, Maverick, Jack Dawson, Tristan Ludlow, etc. While you all make a lovely fantasy, in the end you are fictional. And I'm completely positive the real thing will be 100 times better.

Note to Self...

Don't try to save time by watering your newly planted flowers on your lunch when the hose is not properly attached to the water fixture-thingy. You (and your work clothes) will get soaked. And in the end, no time will be saved.

Lesson learned.

A Brilliant Disguise

So tell me what I see
When I look in your eyes
Is that you baby
Or just a brilliant disguise

-Bruce Springsteen, Brilliant Disguise

Sometimes I think we are all big liars. We're so good at creating the image of ourselves we want people to see. We say the right things, make the right jokes, tell the right stories, and let people in just close enough, without letting them really know us.

I am definitely like this. I let some personal stories out here or there, but not the really awful, embarrassing, shameful ones. I don't mind if people know I struggle with certain things--but not other things. I'm honest to a point, but the rest I keep to myself--known to no one.

And maybe this is why it's so hard to understand each other sometimes--because we're so caught up in playing the reputation game, in creating an image of ourself that's admirable and likable that we never quite know each other well enough to effectively encourage and support.

We spend so much time fixated on this brilliant disguise. We're careful about what we say and do around people and very prudently release personal information. Because, the less somebody knows about me, the harder it will be for that person to hurt or reject me.

We go around living in fear that one day we'll let someone in--and he or she will bail. It's ironic because while I long for someone to really know me and care for me, I am so unwilling to shed my own brilliant disguise.

If we really desire to be known and understood by people, why are we so afraid to let our guard down and be vulnerable/our true selves?

As Long as You're Happy

4Now he had to go through Samaria. 5So he came to a town in Samaria called Sychar, near the plot of ground Jacob had given to his son Joseph. 6Jacob's well was there, and Jesus, tired as he was from the journey, sat down by the well. It was about the sixth hour.

7When a Samaritan woman came to draw water, Jesus said to her, "Will you give me a drink?" 8(His disciples had gone into the town to buy food.)

9The Samaritan woman said to him, "You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink?" (For Jews do not associate with Samaritans.^[a])

10Jesus answered her, "If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water."

11"Sir," the woman said, "you have nothing to draw with and the well is deep. Where can you get this living water? 12Are you greater than our father Jacob, who gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did also his sons and his flocks and herds?"

13Jesus answered, "Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, 14but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life."

15The woman said to him, "Sir, give me this water so that I won't get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water."

16He told her, "Go, call your husband and come back."

17"I have no husband," she replied.

Jesus said to her, "You are right when you say you have no husband. 18The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true."

19"Sir," the woman said, "I can see that you are a prophet. 20Our fathers worshiped on this mountain, but you Jews claim that the place where we must worship is in Jerusalem."

21Jesus declared, "Believe me, woman, a time is coming when you will worship the Father neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem. 22You Samaritans worship what you do not know; we worship what we do know, for salvation is from the Jews. 23Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. 24God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in spirit and in truth."

25The woman said, "I know that Messiah" (called Christ) "is coming. When he comes, he will explain everything to us."

26Then Jesus declared, "I who speak to you am he."

John 4:5-26

I love this interaction Jesus has with the Samaritan woman. I love it because I have felt like this woman. I love it because Jesus doesn’t condemn her lifestyle, but speaks truth to her in a way that creates in her a desire for change. I think it’s awfully hard to see people close to us making decisions we don’t think are wise, or “Godly” or whatever. No one likes to be called out on making poor decisions, but we love to be praised and admired when we do “good” things.

So often, I make choices that reflect a desire to drink from wells that will go dry. I trade in the living well that God provides for instant gratification, the allure of worldly success, or the affirmation of those around me. And even though time and time again I realize that drinking from that well leaves me thirsty and exhausted, I still try to find my own well to sustain me, rather than accepting the free, living water God provides.

And I see this in people close to me as well. One failed relationship? Just jump into another. Bad day at work? Happy hour(s) ought to do the trick. Fear of commitment? A one-night stand lifestyle is fine—no one gets hurt, right? We go through life with this—hey whatever makes you happy—mentality. But, it’s like Sheryl Crow sang (and I am so pissed tickets to her concert sold out in like one second..grr) “if it makes you happy, then why the hell are you so sad?”

We’re sad because we try to create circumstances that will sustain us that never do. We expect relationships to meet all of our needs that can never be met by one person. And we keep going back for more. Our thirst never gets quenched. We are never satisfied by these cheap substitutes. Sure, a night of drinking can help me forget the pain of being lonely, but how long does that last—2 hours? Sure, hooking up can make me feel desired and attractive—but what about the next day? Full of shame, disgusted with myself, and no closer to having my insecurities fixed.

Jesus promises us living water—He promises us that once we drink, we will thirst no more. Our desires, our passions, our deepest longings will be quenched. I just don’t get why so often I’m like the prodigal son—running off, trying to find and create my own living water when God offers it to me for free?

The substitutes don’t work. And it breaks my heart to see so many people get caught up in the crap that this world “offers” because I’ve been sucked in by it, too. But, it just leaves you feeling more thirsty, more messed up, and more frustrated with yourself.

Why do we stay enslaved to our self-created substitutes, when we can experience freedom by drinking from God’s living water?

because Jana has pink eye

I get an email telling me she is bored and needs me to update my blog. Nice. So, Jana, here is my morning so far--

6:05 Wake up, hit snooze
6:14 Wake up, wonder why snooze is 9 mins and not 10, hit snooze again
6:23 Actually get up, hack up a lung, brush teeth, put contacts in, realize one has a tear and open a new box
6:27 Check weather.com to see if it's raining (yes we have windows on our house)
6:30 Feed dog and take her outside
6:40 Walk outside to start my run
6:40.30 realize the trash can is knocked over and that Rocky the racoon is sitting at the end of the driveway eating leftover pork chops
6:41 Pry the trash bag away from Rocky (no lie), then shudder with disgust
6:42 Run
7:25 Return home, stretch/lay on the floor and wish I could go back to bed
7:35 Shower and talk to Mom on the phone about how she's not coming this weekend
7:50 Try to find clean clothes to wear to work
7:51 Chase my dog around to get back the sandal she stole from my closet
7:53 Make up, hair, etc.
8:05 Make some toast in the oven because we have no toaster, peel open a yogurt
8:10 Bfast and Today show
8:30 Leave for work
8:34 Daily stop at Tim H's
8:45 Arrive at work, drink coffee, check cnn.com and hotmail
9:00 Start really working--looking up laws about whether vocational school students should get paid for doing massages since their employer makes a profit (no lie)
9:30 Break to read blogs--get urgent email from Jana that she's bored, reheat coffee in micro
9:40 Work again

That about does it. Jana, you are all caught up.

Bragg to the Rescue

If you know me at all, you know how bad I am with directions...and you will enjoy this story :-)

So today I drove downtown for my interview. I followed my friend's directions (or so I thought) and tried to park in the parking garage by the stadium. Apparently, though, you have to have either a $1 or $5 dollar bill for the automated attendant. After trying to shove a $20 in there and having it spit the bill back at me, I reversed out of the garage and started driving aimlessly to find a parking garage near the building.

I had NO IDEA where I was going...although I was wise enough to realize crossing the river would not be a wise idea. So, I hedged a bet that Bragg would answer his phone and could maybe at least guide me to East 4th street.

Not only did he answer his phone, he told me to stay put (which I did) and he drove to where I was. The he had me follow him to a close parking garage that had an actual parking attendant, and proceeded to wait to drive me to the front of my building to make sure I got there on time and didn't get rained on.

Odds are good I would still be driving around Cincinnati right now if Bragg hadn't happened to be downtown at the time AND had screened my call.

So, THANKS BRAGG...I def owe ya! :-)

if i could type what a cough sounds like...

still haven't stopped coughing...

in the meantime...enjoy these pics of my dog (and some other people I love)

Who Needs a Doctor?

So I have this cough. This I can't take a deep breath without feeling the need to cough-cough. Some say it's allergies (including my dog's vet...which is a whole other funny story)--which I have never had before. But, it's a dry cough. I don't have a cold. I'm not stuffed up...I'm not achy...just a dry, itchy cough.

I'm not really one for the doctor. In fact, I don't actually have a doctor down here...and maybe I should. But, I decided to do a little self-diagnosis on WebMD (at the prompting of a colleague no doubt annoyed by my constant cough). WebMD is the coolest website...you can actually list your symptoms and it tells you what you might have. From my symptoms (I actually only have one symptom--dry cough), I may have latent tuberculosis, chronic sinusitis, asbestosis (though I've never been in contact with asbsestos to my knowledge), viral pneumonia, hay fever, the common cold, or allergies. Um, that seems a little broad...but still a fun website if you're ever sick, and bored (and participating in a meeting via video feed on your computer).

So, yea, it'd be cool if this cough went away, say over night. In the meantime, at least my abs are getting a good workout...so I've got that goin' for me...

POWER

8When Pilate heard this, he was even more afraid, 9and he went back inside the palace. "Where do you come from?" he asked Jesus, but Jesus gave him no answer. 10"Do you refuse to speak to me?" Pilate said. "Don't you realize I have power either to free you or to crucify you?"

11Jesus answered, "You would have no power over me if it were not given to you from above. Therefore the one who handed me over to you is guilty of a greater sin."
-John 19:8-11

We all have power. Whether it's holding a certain amount of influence over the friends we hang out with, or being in a managerial position at work, or being a coach of a team, or having a lot of money--even if we don't fully realize it, we all have power.

Recently, I have felt very convicted that God has given me a certain amount of power as an attorney. And I feel like I am squandering that power in my current job. Attorneys have so much influence in our world--members of boards, serving the community through Legal Aid or pro bono work, political positions, foundational work. Nearly every individual will come into contact with an attorney at some point in his/her life--whether it's to create a will, file taxes, file for divorce, bring a personal injury lawsuit, get a contract drafted, you get the picture.

When I think of the multitude of people I could come across and meet, and more importantly serve, it's kind of exciting. But, where I am now, I sit in an office, do research, and maybe come into contact with a handful of my colleagues. And it's not cutting it. Professionally, I don't feel fulfilled. Spiritually, I feel like I am wasting away the power God has entrusted to me with my position.

I think it's really cool to realize you have power, that you have the ability to make a difference. But, now that I've realized that power, I think it's time to utilize it. Jesus used his power to help and protect the powerless--and I think on some level, I have the ability to do that as an attorney. However, it's not really going to get done until I get out there and take part--and trade in a safe/secure job for one that provides me with more opportunities to leverage the power entrusted to me to help the powerless.

Not sure if that made any sense...but it's just been on my heart :-)