sun + good book + pool = greatest

THE POOL OPENS TODAY!

go ahead and guess where i will be all weekend ... i love summer :-)

HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND!

traffic sucks...but TGIF

Thoughts on traffic:

1. Paying attention to the car in front of you is imperative. If its brake lights are on, you should probably stop. The grass isn't a separate lane.
2. Turn signals are a must. Weaving in and out is dangerous and annoying as crap.
3. Don't yell profanity out of your window. It won't make the traffic any better. Might as well just sit and enjoy it.
4. Ignore the traffic report. It's never good news.
5. It takes about 45 solid minutes to get from downtown to 275. That's fun.
6. Texting in traffic is dangerous. Real dangerous.
7. I don't get why they waste the info board by posting something like "smog alert" rather than "it will take you an eternity to get to 275"
8. The arch in my right foot is sore from hitting the brake and then the gas all week
9. I nearly fell asleep at the wheel this morning at Paddock because I sat there so long.
10. I am seriously considering taking up smoking to make the time pass...ok, not really, but I am starting to see the allure of it.

TGIF...two casual days in a row...love that! :-)

Invincible

I love the movie Invincible. I watched it this past weekend--it's a great rental. And I love the person Mark Wahlberg plays in the movie. (I know I gave up fantasies about fictional men, but this movie is actually a representation of a true story...so I think I can fantasize freely!)

Anyway, the only video I could find (in the minute I spent looking) was the trailer. So, go rent it! The movie is about Philadelphia Eagles player Vince Papale who becomes a member of the team after a new coach holds open tryouts. Papale loves his city, loves his friends, and guts it out because he realizes how he being on the team represents hope (and an escape) for his friends/city broken from a wrecked economy. Plus, watching Mark Wahlberg run around on a football field isn't a bad way to spend 2 hours :-)



And...it gets me excited for the fall football season!

Called

11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14

Jeremiah 29:11-14

Today was overwhelming. I have so much to learn and literally feel like I know nothing about what I am supposed to be doing. I am confused, scared, but strangely excited. I walked around downtown Cincinnati this morning (because I was 40 minutes early) and just felt thrilled. (Though, note to self, walking 40 minutes in high heels = bad blisters)

It's weird to feel nervous and unprepared, but still feel like you are in the right place, doing the right thing. I kind of feel like God dropped this opportunity into my lap, and I am so unprepared and lacking what I think I need to do it--but, I feel inside me that I am supposed to be there.

It's kind of like in the times we can't rely on ourselves, on our own knowledge, those are the times we are truly seeking God with all our heart. And there, in that place where we seek Him with everything, that's where those passionate, life-changing encounters with God take place. And that just fires me up.

And right now it's 8PM and seriously I am about to go to sleep. Ok, ice cream, then sleep.

Priceless

New suit for the first day: $289 (and that is sale price)
Full tank of gas for the long commute: $35.55
Blank CDs to burn new mixes for the long commute: $20
2 Packs of Tums to settle the first day jitters: 2.97

An exciting new job and an office with a view, in a great city: priceless

Art and Poetry....Love it

625. Ode on a Grecian Urn
John Keats

THOU still unravish'd bride of quietness,
Thou foster-child of Silence and slow Time,
Sylvan historian, who canst thus express
A flowery tale more sweetly than our rhyme:
What leaf-fringed legend haunts about thy shape 5
Of deities or mortals, or of both,
In Tempe or the dales of Arcady?
What men or gods are these? What maidens loth?
What mad pursuit? What struggle to escape?
What pipes and timbrels? What wild ecstasy? 10

Heard melodies are sweet, but those unheard
Are sweeter; therefore, ye soft pipes, play on;
Not to the sensual ear, but, more endear'd,
Pipe to the spirit ditties of no tone:
Fair youth, beneath the trees, thou canst not leave 15
Thy song, nor ever can those trees be bare;
Bold Lover, never, never canst thou kiss,
Though winning near the goal—yet, do not grieve;
She cannot fade, though thou hast not thy bliss,
For ever wilt thou love, and she be fair! 20

Ah, happy, happy boughs! that cannot shed
Your leaves, nor ever bid the Spring adieu;
And, happy melodist, unwearièd,
For ever piping songs for ever new;
More happy love! more happy, happy love! 25
For ever warm and still to be enjoy'd,
For ever panting, and for ever young;
All breathing human passion far above,
That leaves a heart high-sorrowful and cloy'd,
A burning forehead, and a parching tongue. 30

Who are these coming to the sacrifice?
To what green altar, O mysterious priest,
Lead'st thou that heifer lowing at the skies,
And all her silken flanks with garlands drest?
What little town by river or sea-shore, 35
Or mountain-built with peaceful citadel,
Is emptied of its folk, this pious morn?
And, little town, thy streets for evermore
Will silent be; and not a soul, to tell
Why thou art desolate, can e'er return. 40

O Attic shape! fair attitude! with brede
Of marble men and maidens overwrought,
With forest branches and the trodden weed;
Thou, silent form! dost tease us out of thought
As doth eternity: Cold Pastoral! 45

When old age shall this generation waste,
Thou shalt remain, in midst of other woe
Than ours, a friend to man, to whom thou say'st,
'Beauty is truth, truth beauty,—that is all
Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know.' 50

I'm kind of a nut about art. I nearly majored in art history in college, but the studio requirement kept me from doing that (i.e. I have no artistic talent!). I also like poetry. I was perusing some poetry books yesterday while organizing my closet (I am easily distracted) and came across this poem I used to love when I was in college. I know the language is kind of difficult to read, but I think it's beautiful. The poem is about a depiction on a Grecian urn of lovers right before they are about to kiss.

The lovers are frozen in a perpetual state of excitement, anticipation, and new love. How wonderful! (Bold Lover, never, never canst thou kiss, / Though winning near the goal—yet, do not grieve; / She cannot fade, though thou hast not thy bliss, / For ever wilt thou love, and she be fair! ) At first glance, it seems attractive—never fighting, no chance of boredom, no fear of commitment—just the passionate anticipation of their kiss.

But, as Keats suggests by the end, being frozen in the anticipation is sorrowful. The lovers never get to taste the kiss, experience the passion, build a relationship, start a family. (All breathing human passion far above, / That leaves a heart high-sorrowful and cloy'd, / A burning forehead, and a parching tongue.)

So, while the lovers never have to experience the pains of love, they also never get to experience the real ecstasy of love or real intimacy.

I liken this to my love for the “get to know you” phase with men, but my fear of anything beyond that might get painful or messy or really super complicated. But, if I stay there—in that frozen state of anticipation—I’ll miss out on real, passionate intimacy and love.

And just to reiterate, I LOVE then last few lines: 'Beauty is truth, truth beauty,—that is all
Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know.' Beautiful.

False Prophets

15"Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves.
Matthew 7:15

I think it is be difficult to discern God's will in our lives when we are surrounded by false prophets, offering advice, selling books, etc.

I've found that when I make a decision in my life that I feel like is God's will, the critics and false prophets seem to appear out of nowhere. And they are smart. They know how to offer advice in a way that makes it sound like it's coming straight from God, rather than serving their own selfish motives. They can twist around Scripture to make it appeal to whatever theory or outcome they would like played out.

But, I think there are ways to ward them off...to discern between a friend God is using to speak truth to you and a friend who is a false prophet--giving advice only for personal interests.

First, we have to remember that the Scriptures are truth. No well-written book or incredible sermon will ever stand next to the Bible. Just read it. Understanding Scripture in its context makes such a huge difference in being able to discern how another is using Scripture. Anything other than Scripture, while helpful/insightful, must be read and interpreted with a critical eye (or ear). Authors, even Christian authors, have personal motives just like the rest of us.

Second, in order to be aware of false prophets, we have to immerse ourself in a study of Scripture and of God, so that we can know how God uses man. The closer we are to God, the better we will be at deciphering between a false prophet and a genuine call from God.

Third, I think we have to question (on some level) advice given to us by our friends, spiritual leaders, etc. Is their advice motivated and supported by Scripture, or is it purely selfish? Do they have their own interests in the decisions/actions you are doing? This is hard.

Don't get me wrong, I have read books (other than the Bible) that have changed my life. I daily get advice from friends that is more powerful than I could have tried to figure out on my own. I believe with my whole heart that God uses other people in our lives to reach out to us and express his will for our lives. He uses people to hold us accountable for our actions and to live out our mission in life.

But, we have to be careful of false prophets. We have to always be discerning in the advice we follow and the theories to which we adhere. They must be supported by Scripture because Scripture is truth. Always.

The Good Life

Dogs have it made. I love this commercial.

No Fear

When I was 15, two dogs attacked me. I was in PA, visiting my grandma, and went running. I had my walkman with me (remember those? tape player and FM radio?), so I couldn't hear very well. Eventually, I heard loud barking and turned around to see two giant dogs (a huskie and a German shepard) sprinting after me. Not having grown up with dogs, I panicked and screamed and basically ran faster. If you know anything about dogs, they love a good chase...and four legs are faster than two. Needless to say, it didn't end well, and among other things, I lost my walkman to the ferocious beasts.


After that, I was scared to death to run outside by myself. Every time I heard a little jingle of a dog collar, I immediately would become almost paralyzed with fear. Often, I would just turn around and not even venture down a portion of a street if I heard barking. This went on for a while. Even in college, dogs scared me when I would go running.

When I was in law school, I dated a guy who had a dog...and literally, I thought we could never be serious because of my fear of dogs. But, then, I started to like the dog, and began realizing that not ALL dogs want to chomp off your hands or maul you. We didn't date that long, but it wasn't long after that experience that I decided I had to have a dog...that if I could train and learn about dogs, then I wouldn't be afraid of them. (I realize this sounds kind of after school special-ish, but it's true.) So, I bought my dog (she's all of 13 pounds--I had to start small) and took her to 2 sessions of obedience class, more to socialize ME to other dogs than her. Often in the classes, we would have to exchange dogs and I hated when I would get the rotweiller or hyperactive dalmatian, but it was so good for me. Now, I LOVE dogs. It's a pretty amazing turnaround.

Bottom line, making decisions out of fear is no good. I have done this many times, but making decisions in an attempt to protect ourselves from hurt prevents growth, and keeps us from truly experiencing the abundant life God promises us. As I get older and accumulate more "scars" if you will, I am realizing that it's harder to make decisions free from fear. I am less willing to take risks because I base my actions on what I predict the outcome will be.

But, that doesn't work. If I had never overcome my fear of dogs (and of running by dogs), I would be running on a treadmill and would have missed out on some amazing places I've run by myself. The runs would be boring. In the same way, allowing fear to motivate my actions and decisions creates a boring existence. I want adventure. I want to take risks. And, really, what is there to even be afraid of? If I believe in the Gospel, then even death itself is an upgrade.

I was pretty afraid to take a new job. It is a risky move on my part--I know absolutely nothing about the area of law in which I now will be practicing (and by nothing, I mean I never took a class on it in law school and it is hardly even tested on the Bar exam, so yea, NOTHING is the extent of my knowledge). It's in a city I barely know. I am leaving a safe, easy job that I am pretty good at because, well, it got boring. The risk of a more exciting job, in a more exciting place, is stronger than safety. And while there is always more chance of being hurt and making mistakes when you stop playing it safe, in the end, I truly believe a wise risk is worth taking--and will lead to a much more passionate and meaningful life.

Mom!

There's a lot I could say about my mom--how she likes to be suntanned, drives like a maniac, how I've never actually seen her go under the water in a pool or ocean, how she will probably never actually retire from teaching, taught me never to seek comfort in food-but instead in shopping, is an amazing cook...but what I love the most about my relationship with my mother is that over the years we have become great friends. And I mean that. I can tell her things and be honest about stuff that most people wouldn't ever consider sharing with their mother. She's honest with her advice (harsh at times), and doesn't let me waste time moping. She's definitely high strung and nutty (good thing I didn't inherit that...oh wait...), but one of the most sensitive and generous people I know. A creative writer (for my 21st birthday she wrote me a poem...and she used iambic pentameter), a witty joke teller--she is always the life of the party.

So, Happy Mother's Day, mom. You really are the best! Thanks for sharing your enthusiasm for life with me (and for never screening my calls! ). Love you.

because Fridays are fun

Marsha just made my day by showing me this.

Check it out...

http://gizoogle.com/

Enter your favorite web address and prepare to be entertained.

TGIF

I think every Friday blog should be entitled "TGIF" from here on out. So, I've got three more days at Lexis. Craziness. I'm really excited about my new job--just ask me and I'll go on and on about it...I'm very nervous about figuring out where I am going--but that is what my three days off next week are for. Hopefully that will give me enough time to learn to navigate my way around. There's one drawback to leaving, though.

You see, I have this elevator/parking lot boyfriend. And we will probably have to break up. For nearly 5 months now we cross paths every morning, every lunch, and every evening in the parking lot (in our cars) and then in the elevator. What started as a casual nod and a "thanks" one day for stopping the elevator has transformed into eye flirting, coy smiles, and "how is your day going". Today he even blurted out a "you look really nice today." I just recently learned he works in my department and finally learned his name. (I almost didn't want to know his name, I liked the mystery better). So, maybe on my last day out of the elevator I'll just slip him my number and say "call me." And that will be our last conversation...or maybe I will always wonder what might have been :) It's amazing what you can get the guts to do when you've got nothing to lose.

***

On a completely unrelated note (hence the three asterisks), I am headed to T-Town for the weekend for Mother's Day. My Dad also has a golf outing planned--at a nice course--always good to learn humility, right? Two weekends ago, my brother taught me how to turn my right wrist over (or something) at the end of my swing--and the ball has been going much straighter, which is an excellent improvement as I usually hit it directly to the right, so maybe I can beat my mom. (a nice thing to do on Mother's Day).

Have a great weekend and Happy Mother's Day to all you moms!

REALLY?!?!

My idea for an episode of The Office would go something like this:

Someone brings in leftover cake for the whole department and sets it in the break room. Everybody runs in, knocking each other over for the stale cake. People get pissed when they don't get any. Dwight blames Phyllis for taking it all. Angela makes a comment about how she's so tiny and even though she ate a huge piece of stale cake, she still wears kids clothes. Later, it is revealed Michael commissioned Dwight to stash two pieces of the stale cake in his office. Again, the employees are pissed. Michael holds a meeting to explain why, since he's the regional manager, he is entitled to two pieces of stale cake.

Here's the thing...this would NOT be that different than the way people at my work respond to food left in the coffee room. It is insane! Yesterday, we had cakes brought in for a 20th anniversary for something in the office. There was enough for everybody. This morning there was an email sent out explaining that the leftover cake would be in the coffee room. I went in there, not 3 minutes later, to fill up on coffee, and you couldn't even get in the room. It's DAY OLD CAKE, people! I don't get it. (and this is not rare, anytime there is leftover food, people go crazy).

So, now, I am annoyed I can't fill up my coffee and have seemingly solved the American obesity problem--free food gets 'em every time.

Can't Hide From the Past

I became what I am today at the age of twelve, on a frigid overcast day--in the winter of 1975. I remember the precise moment, crouching behind a crumbling mud wall, peeking into the alley near the frozen creek. That was a long time ago, but it's wrong what they say about the past, I've learned, about how you can bury it. Because the past claws its way out. Looking back now, I realize I have been peeking into that deserted alley for the last twenty-six years.

The Kite Runner Chapter 1

This is the opening paragraph of Khaled Hosseini's The Kite Runner. When I first read this book two years ago, I was completely uninterested in it. But, I couldn't put it down. And now that I am re-reading it for our book club, I feel the same way.

I think this opening, for me, captures the idea that, while we want to move on/forget (or "bury" as Hosseini puts it) the past, our past always has a way of rearing its head. In the book, Amir betrays his best friend, Hassan. I won't spoil the book, but what he does (or doesn't do, rather) causes a whole series of things to happen. And as he grows up and eventually moves away from Kabul, his decisions and motives for doing things are constantly affected by his past--by his childhood, by his betrayal of Hassan.

(I am skipping over a lot here--the book goes into explicit, powerful detail of the fall of the Afghanistan monarchy and the Taliban presence there--it's amazing.)

But, back to my point. Near the end of the novel, Amir returns to Kabul after hearing the promise that "there is a way to be good again." Even after 15 years, Amir still seeks to atone for his moment of betrayal.

For me, as hard as I try to forget the past, mistakes, bad decisions, or the things I've done to hurt people--they will always be a part of me. I think the past can manifest itself in our insecurities and fears. The past will always shape the way we experience the future. Maybe our past makes us more fearful, or more courageous, or more prudent--but, you can never just pretend like it didn't happen. (not that you should dwell, either...but the past is there--to be learned from, to acknowledge and maybe even to be forgiven from)

And the best part of this book is that Amir does find a way to be good again. (You've got to read the book to find out how!) I kind of feel like in the past year I've found a way to be good again too...ok, well maybe not really "good"...but, I've discovered how to reconcile with my own "bad" past, without burying it. So, while the past may influence my future, it won't hamper or control it.

30 Days--Let the Countdown Begin

It has been 2 years since I was last in the Outer Banks. And in 30 short days I will be back! YES! It is the best vacation spot ever, hands down. I'm so looking forward to just relaxing on the beach with a great book and swimming in the ocean. Until then...

Nothing like a hot tub on the second floor deck during sunset

(my niece learned everything she knows about Frisbee from her Aunt Liz)

loved this weekend.

I had a fantastic day off work today. I went to bed around last night 11:30PM and did not wake up until 10! I haven't slept that hard in a while and it was great. I planted some flowers for my sister and took my dog on a 45 minute walk (she is sorely out of shape, I was practically dragging her at the end!) I also got $50 off my Verizon bill (thank God, $108 was a little steep) and arranged for some $ work to be done on my car. I also squeezed in a 45 minute nap (yep add that to the 10.5 hours of sleep) and some television. Let's just say most of these tasks proved quite difficult with the limited mobility in my legs. I'm pretty sure my neighbors think I am nuts walking down my steep driveway backwards. Oh well :-) Tomorrow a slow jog is in store, we will see how far I make it.

Speaking of great, this weekend was AWESOME: new job, Spider-man 3 (lots of up close shots of Harry's smile), my good friend Nicole visited (and ran the half marathon--WAY TO GO!), the Flying Pig marathon (complete with our own cheering squad--thanks Katy, Jana, Sarah, Sarah, Aaron, Evan, Bragg, Amy, Jason, Laura--I think I can still hear the ringing of Aaron's cowbell in my ear!), Marsha crossing the finishing line first (which I may NEVER hear the end of until next year's rematch), perfect running weather, a great time laughing, chatting, playing games (could use a little practicing on cornhole though), eating at the post-pig pig out.

Could not have asked for a better weekend. Wish me luck on figuring out how to exactly resign from the current job. That is tomorrow's task!

a side note--the girl across the street apparently is being tested on her ability to play the recorder (remember that grade school instrument?)...it's not going well...and with the nice weather the windows are open, and well, it'd be cool if she stopped playing, say, NOW!

A Great Weekend Ahead

There is so much going on this weekend! I get kind of stressed just thinking about it--really I just get stressed thinking about how I am going to figure out where to park for the Flying Pig AND get to the start by 6:30 when I don't even really know where the start is (hence why it is mandatory for Marsha to ride with me). When I ran the NYC marathon, the worst part of it was actually getting over to Staten Island for the start. BUT--this is Cincinnati, not New York city...I'm sure I'll manage :)

And although I'm sure you've already heard this (because the 5 of you who read my blog, probably read other people's blogs that say the same thing)...there is a big party after the Flying Pig from 4PM - 9PM at 650 Riddle Road in Clifton. Should be a fantastic time--lots of food, drinks, games, my friend Nicole, and the debut of one of my most prized possessions--my Wooster cornhole set! You would NOT want to miss out. A suggested $15 at the door gets you all this entertainment, food, drinks, and the entire $15 is being donated to Luz Y Vida, an orphanage in Bogota, Colombia (where some people will be traveling in July to donate the money and serve as well).

...and if you're tough enough to wake up early Sunday (and c'mon, you can sleep when you're dead!--my mother's favorite expression) come to Eggleston and Third and help cheer on the runners. What else could you possibly having going on at 6:30AM that is more important???

a few things

1. One of my best friends from college, Nicole, will be here in 2 days...spectacular!
2. Large trash pick up was this week in my neighborhood. And it's kind of scary. People drive around in large vans and trucks and go "shopping" for other people's junk. We put out an old lawn mower, vacuum, 2 doors, and some garden fencing and by morning there wasn't much left. After all my skepticism, my sister and I spotted a really nice dresser and vanity mirror down the street--only to be swept up by someone in like 5 seconds. One man's trash really is another man's treasure...
3. I have a really bad paper cut. I HATE paper cuts. They seem so insignificant, yet are so painful.
4. I have GOT to get to bed early tonight. I love 8 hours of sleep, 6 hours--not so much.
5. Tonight will be awesome--marion's! The best pizza ever--where they count out the exact number of paper plates/napkins you use and only accept cash. Which reminds me a trip to the ATM is in order.
6. I don't have to work Monday...ahhh fabulous.
7. Flying Pig Marathon (well half for yours truly) Sunday!
8. Excited about seeing a man in tights Friday night...already got my ticket...did you?!?!
9. My car battery decided to die yesterday morning. Luckily it chose to do so at a gas station, and the gas attendant man was quite helpful in jumping the battery (and giving me an "amazingly low" estimate on a new battery). On another note, I need to learn how to use jumper cables. Actually, I need to purchase some jumper cables. I need like a "car knowledge 101" course...how to change a tire, use jumper cables, parallel park...
10. I ordered 3 new books...and I can't WAIT until they come :-)

that's all i got...it's been a slightly uneventful week

He would be perfect if he existed.

I listened to the third talk in this series by Erwin McManus and his wife last night and his wife asked 3 single women to finish the sentence "he would be perfect if ____." One person responded, "if he existed." And it stuck with me because that's so me. Miss man-hating, negativity, there's-no-way-there's-"the one"-out-there-for-me-because-no-one-is-good-enough me. And while I definitely believe that having solid standards for choosing a spouse is crucial, I also think that having unreasonable expectations can be crippling in our search for our lifelong partner.

I have created this image in my head of the perfect husband--and he's the culmination of many factors. From failed relationships I know what I don't want--dishonesty, desperation, no passion, no ambition, actions driven solely by insecurity, etc. But, I think a lot of what I envision as this great husband, comes from fictional representations--movies, books, television--characters who men could never really be like in real life faced with the same circumstances. But, we kind of expect them to. And we're so disappointed when our men don't stand up to that fictional standard.

And the most interesting thing in all of this, is how none of my focus in finding my spouse is on me. The shift must move from them (the imperfect, ever-failing, always weak men) to me. If I'm so focused on the other person passing some checklist I have in my mind, how am I working and learning to be a good spouse myself? To be supportive, to be sympathetic, to be compassionate, to be humble. Clearly what I am teaching myself by examining any man I date so closely, is to be critical, to point out shortcomings, to highlight failures.

By placing the focus on me and on my character, I can put myself in a position to choose wisely, and also to choose confidently, without wondering when the person's failures will be revealed or when I will grow tired of him.

So today I say farewell to Mr. Darcy, Coach Chandler, Noah, Johnny Castle, Will Hunting, Maverick, Jack Dawson, Tristan Ludlow, etc. While you all make a lovely fantasy, in the end you are fictional. And I'm completely positive the real thing will be 100 times better.

Note to Self...

Don't try to save time by watering your newly planted flowers on your lunch when the hose is not properly attached to the water fixture-thingy. You (and your work clothes) will get soaked. And in the end, no time will be saved.

Lesson learned.