Merry Christmas

I realize I've had about a two month hiatus from blog world. It's amazing how fast time moves. And I'm sitting here today in disbelief that Christmas Day is nearly over, as is 2007. Where did the time go? I mean, really, it seems like yesterday I was starting a new job in Dayton and now I am living in Cincinnati, 8 months into a completely different job.

It honestly feels like the older I get, the quicker time moves. I drove into Toledo Saturday morning and now I am sitting here preparing for work on Thursday because, well, time flew by once again.

It's nothing new. Everybody feels this way I'm sure. Parents see it in the way a newborn transforms into a little person seemingly overnight. I'm just consumed by thoughts of not wanting to waste time. Things happen so fast and we all get so busy; we barely have time to sit and think--and when we do, we are just planning for what is next.

I long to honor time and make memories, instead of just rushing through to the next thing--the next event--the next stage of life. I know I have said this 100 times, but I desire to be in the moment, and not always analyzing and plotting for what is to come.

One of the reasons this has been a wonderful Christmas season for me is because Steve and I decided early on to spend Christmas doing things and spending time together; rather than buying lavish gifts for each other that carry little sentiment. I feel like we really made memories this season and were in the moment during the time we spent together--and that far outweighs any gift he could have bought for me...(although, I must say, the thought behind his Christmas presents to me was quite touching.)

So, I guess my "goal" or resolution or whatever you want to call it for 2008 is to not be in such a rush. And maybe to try to be less stressed out about work...that'd be good too :-)

So, it's raining...

Did you notice it's like a monsoon outside?

Last week I left my umbrella in court. I walked from my office to the parking garage and was so wet, there is an wet imprint in the driver's seat in my car. When I got home, I hung my clothes in the shower and they were still dripping. Wow. And I was freezing.

But, then I got into some sweats...and seriously, is there anything better than being super comfy and listening to the rain outside?

I'm kind of looking forward to crawling into bed and falling asleep to the rain beating on my windows. (*pending, of course, that it stops by 6AM so I can get my run in*)

4 more days 'til the weekend.

6 more days 'til the Steelers beat the Bengals.

Things Change

So, I'm not so good at keeping up my blog anymore. But, I like the idea of something kind of keeping track of my thoughts/what I'm doing with my life...it's kind of like a public diary. And I guess it's the whole "public" aspect that keeps me from writing much. I'm nervous I'll say something potentially career-harmful. I guess I will just write with fear...

So, yea, the blog might take a little different look. It might not be as personal...but, I'm going to try to keep it semi-updated with what is going on in my life, mostly because I like having a record of it!

Record Breaking

The forecast today suggested Cincinnati might break the record for highest temperature. It got pretty hot. Although, to be honest, my office is freezing, so unless it's super hot in the morning when I'm walking in or in the evening when I'm leaving, I don't notice too much.

But, I'll tell you what...I am so ready for fall. I'm ready for chilly evenings, pumpkins, trick-or-treaters, throwing on a sweaters, the changing colors of leaves, not sweating while walking from my office to the courthouse, sitting outside on a chilly day with a pumpkin spice latte, and of course, candy corn. Fall is definitely my favorite season.

I think George Eliot said it best:

Delicious autumn! My very soul is wedded to it, and if I were a bird I would fly about the earth seeking the successive autumns.

A Fresh Perspective

A close family friend has been diagnosed with cancer. Cancer is such a generic word. But, this kind of cancer is very serious. It's rare and there isn't a standard course of treatment. So this man was given statistics and different prognoses depending on which treatment he and his doctor selected. It's a grave situation. While there is definitely reason to hope (the man is in amazing shape, the doctor has a lot of faith in the course of treatment he is undergoing, etc.), he is also facing what will likely be the hardest few months of his life.

Last week I was on my way to visit him at the hospital during his first cycle of treatment. The whole way there I kept thinking I didn't know what I would say. I didn't know how to seem hopeful without seeming trite and patronizing. And then I realized none of that mattered.

We started talking and he shocked me by saying "cancer started a new life for me." He continued talking about how he would probably never keep stuff again and that he has a whole new/different perspective on things. And so much that mattered to him a month ago just seemed ridiculous. When I left there, I felt like he had given me hope...not the other way around.

When I got home from the beach this past summer, I was committed to not just surviving my days, but actually living them. But it's funny how routine and schedules and stuff just gets in the way. All of a sudden I'm back to the same old and my life is being measured in meetings, money, success at work, and the same junk that is completely circumstantial.

What does it take for us to get it? Why is it so hard to be adventurous and say no to mere basic survival?

When I left the hospital, I couldn't help but think of this U2 song...I just don't want my life to constantly be measured and valued by things that are replaceable, perishable, breakable, etc...

Walk On
-U2

And love is not the easy thing
The only baggage you can bring...
And love is not the easy thing...
The only baggage you can bring
Is all that you can't leave behind

And if the darkness is to keep us apart
And if the daylight feels like it's a long way off
And if your glass heart should crack
And for a second you turn back
Oh no, be strong

Walk on, walk on
What you got they can’t steal it
No they can’t even feel it
Walk on, walk on...
Stay safe tonight

You're packing a suitcase for a place none of us has been
A place that has to be believed to be seen
You could have flown away
A singing bird in an open cage
Who will only fly, only fly for freedom

Walk on, walk on
What you've got they can't deny it
Can’t sell it, can’t buy it
Walk on, walk on
Stay safe tonight

And I know it aches
And your heart it breaks
And you can only take so much
Walk on, walk on

Home... hard to know what it is if you’ve never had one
Home... I can’t say where it is but I know I'm going home
That's where the hurt is

I know it aches
How your heart it breaks
And you can only take so much
Walk on, walk on

Leave it behind
You've got to leave it behind
All that you fashion
All that you make
All that you build
All that you break
All that you measure
All that you steal
All this you can leave behind
All that you reason
All that you sense
All that you speak
All you dress up
All that you scheme...

And I'm Back

So it's been over a month and I was all ready to post a blog only to find my entire template is gone! What in the world?!

I don't really get the new google templates. Why are there question marks next to the different months? It makes no sense. I'm going to try to play around with it...maybe I'll even get to post something tomorrow...but, for now, it's time for work. The 10 minute window between post run and shower is over. :-)

This Just In

The internet is kind of working...well it's working on Jana's computer, but not mine. Hopefully you aren't going through a withdrawal of sorts at me not being able to blog.

What a muggy morning! I feel like it's going to rain at any moment. I had a lovely tour of Clifton this morning on my 7 mile run, and I decided I love how the gaslights are on when it's dark. It's definitely a perk to being up that early. I think the fall is going to be gorgeous.

I have nothing organized to say. I need to get going for my 7 minute communte to work. Another perk--being able to drive on low fuel to work!

I'm very excited for what is in store...for what's coming. Preparation and anticipation are great, but so is just living every day, not merely existing...just being present and seizing opportunities. A year ago, I could not have imagined I'd be living in Clifton. I'm excited to see why God wanted me here. I'm excited for amazing things to happen. But, mostly, I'm just excited to live... be challenged, encourage others, face fears, and experience an adventure.

Living is no low-risk proposition. If life is an adventure, then danger is inherent to the journey. In the same way freedom and fear are great adversaries. How often have we surrendered our freedom under the weight of our fears? This is one of the main reasons we abdicate living for existing. As mundane and routine as it is, existing does provide for us a level of certainty, predictability, and safety. Freedom is wild and wide-open. It is filled with uncharterted territory and unmapped terrain.
-Erwin McManus, Uprising, p. 14

Let the adventure begin.

Today my sister competed in her first sprint triathlon. And she did great...especially considering she cut her foot on a piece of glass coming out of the swim, and basically biked and ran with a bloody foot. Quite impressive.

I love racing. There is something so exciting about a big race, with lots of fans, and tough athletes and finish lines. And the fans are so supportive. Lining the entire course were family members, friends, and just people in the neighborhood there to cheer on and encourage the athletes. They cheered for the top, elite competitors...and also for the 71 year old woman finishing towards the back of the pack, but sporting quite the smile. (And, seriously, to do a triathlon when you are 71? amazing)

My favorite showing of support was a husband who had a bright red t-shirt made that said "My wife Ellie is 30 today and doing her first triathlon. I'm so proud." Um...adorable.

Fun times all around...good job Kate!

Ummmmm

19"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also
Matthew 6:19-20

So, yea, packing is not that fun. I set out to accomplish a lot tonight--organize/pack up my records and files; clean and pack up clothes that are already in baskets in my room. I got maybe 1/10 of that done.

How do we accumulate so much stuff? It's insane. It took me 90 minutes to file papers, bills, and records that had been in my "to be filed" folder for like 4 months. And why do I have paper records for accounts that I basically only look at online? What a waste! I need a shredder...

It's crazy how many pairs of shoes I have, how many purses/bags I have that I never use, coats, gloves, books, socks, EVERYTHING. I have so much. And, yet, I have no problem justifying why I need more. In my closet there are two suit jackets, two skirts, 1 pair of pants, and 1 shirt that still have tags on. Only one of those items was bought recently. I have more pairs of jeans than many people probably have pants total (13). Need a black shirt? I have short sleeved, long sleeved, sleeveless, button down, tank top, belted sweater, cardigan, and more...Ugh.

And the words "I have nothing to wear" come out of my mouth more often than I care to admit.

It's kind of sick. When I see all my stuff out there, stacked up, ready to go...it sure looks like my treasures lie in things that can definitely be destroyed.

I think it's time for a change. And I think it might be time for a little clothing fast... :-)

Womb-mates

A reason I love you for each year...

1. I love that you enjoy baking (because I enjoy eating what you bake)
2. I love that you always tell me if I look bad in an outfit
3. I love that you made me go on dates with guys in high school, even when I tried to get out of them when the guy didn't have a car ;-)
4. I love running with you.
5. I love that for so many years, you encouraged me to seek God, even when I wanted to hear nothing of it.
6. I love that we shared a car called The Dolorian.
7. I love that you have so many songs on your iTunes and I benefit!!
8. I love how welcoming you are to anyone who comes to your home.
9. I love that you don't mind me walking from the shower to my bedroom without a towel or robe.
10. I love that we will always share the memories of blowing big bubbles with our gum in the outfield during softball. (Wonder why I never got good ;-) )
11. I love that you can make AMAZING omlettes.
12. I love that you knew I was a girl even when the mail man called me a boy when I was little :-(
13. I love that you are doing your first triathlon this weekend! (well adult triathlon, anyway...we'll never forget the kids triathlon)
14.I love that you appreciate good wine.
15. I love that you encourage me to accessorize with jewelry...even though I don't listen too often.
16. I love that you always include me in what you are doing.
17. I love how excited you get about school supplies.
18. I love that you cry when you read Harry Potter.
19. I love my memories of sharing a room with you at the beach for 25 summers...classic :-)
20. I love that I always had a friend to play with.
21. I love that our fights always ended up with laughter...
22. I love that I came home to a bouquet of flowers on the counter tonight.
23. I love that you are the perfect host, and a wonderful grill-master.
24. I love listening to Delilah on the radio with you--and making fun of all the schmucks ;-)
25. I love how you defend me, no matter how ridiculous I am being.
26. I love THAT YOU ARE MY TWIN.

Happy Birthday...I can't wait for 26 more birthdays with you, sister...

CRAZY

Today I went to Target to pick up some toiletries and other essentials and overheard an outrageous conversation. I was perusing the pajamas, when I heard this young, attractive woman talking on her cell phone about two racks over. Her conversation went something like this...

"Mom, I just do not know what to do. I mean once a cheater, always a cheater, right? "

"Yea, well the b*t*h he slept with was at that party I told you about last night. She kept telling me how sorry she was and how he really is in love with me, not her."

"No, she didn't come up to me...I confronted her in the bathroom and called her out for the tramp she is. Haha...This was after I poured a 20 oz beer on John's (name changed to protect the cheater) head."

"But, I'm just confused because now John won't talk to me and I feel like we just need to talk things out to make this right. I love him and I know we are meant to be together. He keeps making excuses for why we can't hang out...but, I know he misses me. I just really need to talk to him."

I am NOT kidding. She was super loud, and I couldn't help but listen to every word and think ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND? This may have been the most irrational conversation I have ever heard...I had to share.

It was really kind of scary.

Why I love having 1000 Cable Channels

Kevin: Winnie Cooper was part of me, and I was part of her, and no matter what, for as long as we lived, I knew I could never let her go.

I stumbled upon The Wonder Years on tv tonight! I loved this show growing up. Who didn't love Winnie and Kevin and their continual ups and downs? This is the end of the episode where Kevin finally tells Winnie he loves her...so sweet. What a great show.

Stadium House Rocks...or Produces Lawyers

My college roomie just finished taking the Ohio Bar Exam. Congratulations Holwelsh. :-)

When are you moving down here so we can open up Brashear & Welsh, Attorneys at Law? (my name would go first alphabetically, it's just natural that way)

I'm proud of you, enjoy your vacation, you definitely deserve it!

There's something slightly scary about girls who thought drinking wine out of a box was "classy" and held dance parties in their window seat are now practicing law....but, I just think it's great ;-)

Hmm.

I contend brunch is the best meal/food ever. I love breakfast food. This morning I had a feast--muffins, breakfast burritos, bacon, fruit salad, coffee, banana bread...and I just ate the leftover eggs and bacon and it was STILL delicious.

Tonight I watched a movie that showed little babies being denied aid because they weren't yet quite malnourished enough to actually need the food.

That discrepancy is disturbing. We are indulged, obese, and always satiated. I still haven't put into words my response to Irresistible Revolution...but, I know part of the reason I'm struggling with all this is because I know it requires change on my part. A change that will be reflected in my bank account (and the cushion/security I am attempting to create in my account with my new increase in income) and in the way I spend my time/vacation/weekends...stay tuned.

Chris Rock on the Next President

This makes me laugh.

Undeniable

7 O LORD, you deceived me, and I was deceived;
you overpowered me and prevailed.
I am ridiculed all day long;
everyone mocks me.

8 Whenever I speak, I cry out
proclaiming violence and destruction.
So the word of the LORD has brought me
insult and reproach all day long.

9 But if I say, "I will not mention him
or speak any more in his name,"
his word is in my heart like a fire,
a fire shut up in my bones.
I am weary of holding it in;
indeed, I cannot.

Jeremiah 20:7-9

This is awesome. To be in a place where even when everything is awful, and everybody is critical (in fact insulting all day long)...to feel like despite all that, I can't deny God's call, I can't be silent about what He is doing in me.

There are critics who suggest it's a cop out or it's easy to just say I am living out "God's plan." But, I think it takes a ton of courage to live up to the life God has set out for each of us and to let go of the life we think is best for us.

And I believe when we are truly seeking out the life God has created for us, we can't help but pour out God's love for us to other people. We too, are unable to hold it in, to deny it. It becomes impossible to do nothing, to say nothing, to love no one.

Fight the critics.

Alternatives to Reading the Seventh Harry Potter Book

Ok, I admit it...I have never read a Harry Potter book. So, I'm probably a big hypocrite, but I just don't get it! At 9 AM on Saturday morning we had a special delivery from the UPS man and it was Harry Potter! And then, my sister wouldn't start reading it until she had finished re-reading the 6th book. If one more person tells me how "amazing" Dumbledore is, I might lose it.

So, for those of us not caught up with Harry P, I have some suggestions as to what you can do to entertain yourself while everybody else is wrapped up in Harry land...

1. Watch Age of Love
2. Listen to Delilah's radio show
3. Spend time in traffic--always a BLAST
4. Read the real story of good and evil
5. Call people and have conversations that don't involve words like "muggle" and "voldemort"
6. Catch up on your TIVO! I'm too embarrassed to say my new addictions...one is on Lifetime, and the other stars Jason Priestley...mmmm
7. Go swimming! My favorite Saturday pastime.
8. Save 18.99 (or whatever the cost of that way over priced book is)...and have a nice dinner out, or a nice bottle of wine, or better yet, treat a friend to lunch

You get the point. Time for bed...meanwhile my sister will be up all night finishing the book before somebody ruins it and tells her the ending!

Teachers Have it Made

My mom and I email throughout the day and she cracks me up. My parents are avid golfers--they usually play at least 3-5 times per week. They are teachers, so their summer is basically boils down to playing as much golf as possible.

Here is a snippet of the email my mom sent me today:

 It's supposed to rain here, so we can't play golf. Boohoo.
Have a good day at work.
Love, Mom     ;)

I read things like that and I wonder...why, oh why, am I not a teacher with summers off?!?!?

I kind of wish my biggest stress during the day in the summer was whether it was going to rain and if I were going to get to play golf. ...

Value

While I was running on Sunday, I ran past a house that had two large tablet-looking signs in their front yard. The signs each had 5 of the 10 commandments written on them with a cross at the top of each. I could not believe people would actually have something like that in their yard, and I stopped to make sure I wasn’t just hallucinating from being overheated or something.

As I continued my run, I couldn’t help but feel frustrated at the message the home owners were sending about Jesus. I am pretty sure if Jesus had a home in the ‘burbs He wouldn’t have the 10 commandments chilling in his front lawn. Why are we so ready to point fingers at people, to make the message of Jesus completely based on the things we do/the things we shouldn’t do?

It’s pretty clear: 16"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. 17For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.
John 3:16-17

Jesus came to give us life, not to condemn us. So why do we as Christians feel it’s so necessary to condemn everybody else? I am not saying that followers of Christ should not strive to be obedient to God, but I am saying we alienate people when we make following Jesus out to be like following a set of rules (and rules that everybody breaks).

A friend of mine just returned from Africa. On Sunday night he described many experiences he had there, but the one that stuck in my mind was a statistic that about 50% of the people in the area where he stayed were HIV positive. He went on to describe the institutional problems that created this epidemic. I got to thinking how ridiculous it is that a country as wealthy as America does very little to help.

But, more specifically, I am frustrated with the fact that there are so many so called “conservative Christians” who do absolutely nothing to contribute to solutions for problems such as these. Politically, conservative Christians are too busy criticizing homosexuals, gay marriage, abortion, single mothers, and a myriad of other issues to even have time to consider actually living out the message of Christ (whom they claim to follow). And it’s starting to make me kind of sick.

We have so much power as Americans to change the world. We have wealth. We have influence as consumers. And yet, we’re all talk.

What if we had politicians who actually lived out their faith? Christians in office who loved rather than condemned—what a novel concept. Imagine how different things would be (and our world would be) if conservative Christians began spending their time, energy, and resources to love and fight for those who have little and are struggling? What if instead of fighting tooth and nail to prevent gay marriage, conservative Christian politicians began fighting to make sure homosexuals weren’t treated horribly/abused/beat up? What if instead of fighting so intensely to reverse Roe v. Wade, these politicians fought for the safety, care, and treatment of single mothers and their children? What if instead of relishing the financial kickbacks they receive from sitting on the boards of pharmaceutical companies, these influential conservative Christians used their power to provide drugs to those suffering with AIDS and HIV all around the world? What if the American government and pharmaceutical companies teamed up to begin demanding foreign governments take care of their people?

You see, we have the power. We have the money. And many of the individuals who are elected to the Senate and the House of Representatives, and who sit on the boards of directors of influential companies consider themselves Christians. So, why then, does the message of Christ only come out as condemnation, hypocrisy, and extreme selfishness? I am pretty sure Jesus wouldn’t want his name associated with that, or any movement that supported those things.

Jesus is love. And as followers of Christ, we are called to love, not to condemn. And we are called to love the least—everybody—whether it’s the guy in the office next to you who loves to make every call via speakerphone, or the malnourished baby dying of AIDS in Africa, we are called to love them all. God sees value in us all, even though we don’t deserve it. God sees value in crippled people, children, the poor, the wealthy, crack addicts, and even conservative Christians.

We live in a world where a person's value is measured by what he/she can produce and contribute. But, God values us because He created us. And I want to see the value in people the way God does.

I really could go on about this for a while, but I have to get to bed... :-) And I feel like I'm kind of rambling...oh well.

Pursuit of Something Better

There have been two passages that recently have shown up in things I've read, things I've listened to, and conversations I've had with people. And they continually are coming up..so I am thinking God might be trying to say something to me.

The first one is Psalm 37:4:

4 Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

At first glance, this is seemingly quite simple. I remember way back when I read this verse, I liked the idea that God would satisfy my desires. I thought it was cool that God knew my desires and would give them to me. Almost like God was a genie. I wished for something, He would give it to me.

But, I don't think that is it at all. I read this now and consider what does it really mean to delight myself in the Lord? I think it means pursuing the life God created for me and ceasing the pursuit of a life I create for myself.

If I am pursuing the life God created for me, of course he will satisfy the desires of my heart, because my desires are His desires for me. On the contrary, I don't think God is going to give me all the desires of my heart when I am leading a life that is delighting completely in myself, in my plan, in my way of doing things.

I also think it's cool that when we're delighting in the Lord, when we are actively pursuing the life God has planned for us, we can trust our desires. We can trust them because they come from God. Put plainly, if I were given all the desires of my heart while I am pursuing my own plan for my life, I am pretty convinced my life would be one gigantic mess of consequences and conflict.

I think it's nuts that for so long, I pursued my own life plan, thinking that in some way I could do a better job than God. I filled my time with worthless relationships that went nowhere, spent money on stuff that was completely wasteful, and passed on a life that God promised me would be abundant. A life where he would give me all the desires of my heart.

Well, I choose that no longer. I know I'm never going to be perfect, but I am going to do my best to actively pursue the life God has planned for me. I am going to delight in the Lord. And I'm going to pray hard for the courage and boldness to do so.

As for the second passage...hopefully I'll get to writing about it tomorrow. If not, perhaps later in the week :-)