Discipline

How often have I lived through these weeks without paying much attention to penance, fasting, and prayer? How often have I missed the spiritual fruits of the season without even being aware of it? But how can I ever really celebrate Easter without observing Lent? How can I rejoice fully in your Resurrection when I have avoided participating in your death? Yes, Lord, I have to die—with you, through you, and in you—and thus become ready to recognize you when you appear to me in your Resurrection. There is so much in me that needs to die: false attachments, greed and anger, impatience and stinginess.... I see clearly now how little I have died with you, really gone your way and been faithful to it. O Lord, make this Lenten season different from the other ones. Let me find you again. Amen.

-Henri Nouwen

I can't believe Lent is already here. Well, tomorrow anyway. Easter is just around the corner (and Spring, yay!). Lent always feels kind of like a "spiritual" new year. It's a chance to reflect on the areas of my life that are focused in the wrong direction and get rid of those things I'm treating like idols.

I often pick something to "fast" from during Lent. And to be honest, this year I was particularly inclined to pick something edible (or drinkable) from which to refrain. But, if I'm honest with myself, the reason behind that isn't so much to engage in sacrifice so I can recall Christ's sacrifice for me as it is to not look like a cow at my wedding in June.

So, this year, my focus during Lent is going to be on discipline, specifically discipline in prayer. I have set aside time to be used solely for prayer or prayer-journaling. It's not that I never pray, but I don't think my relationship with God is going to get stronger and more personal without discipline in this area. It doesn't feel natural to me-I don't like being still, and usually, if I am still-I'm falling asleep! I can't tell you how many times I've fallen asleep after just beginning to pray. Maybe praying with the lights off tucked in my bed isn't the best plan? Plus, I want that prayer time to be deeper-more confession and thanks, rather than feeling like I need to rattle off my list of requests.

Anyway, disciplined prayer-that'll be my focus this Lenten season. I have a feeling I won't regret it.